The Limits of Time
by Peace.Love.Me
Summary: The one thing that Jasper hates the most in the world is his stepbrother Edward. But every weekend he spends with him makes him feel differently. What if he was wrong all along? What if he mistook hatred for desire? What will happen with this new feeling?
1. Prolouge

**First of all if you are reading this - thank you so much! A couple of things about the story: It will only be told in JPOV unless otherwise said, it is ALL HUMAN, and it is SLASH! So if you are underage you shouldn't be reading this! I should be updating once a week but my other story Welcome the Rain is my main priority right now. Go check it out! Thanks to my beta and best friend Xavier Willow for helping me out on this! And that is all...Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:Twilight isn't mine, but the plot is:D**

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I hated him more than I had ever hated anyone. Just looking at him made my blood boil. I fucking dreaded the weekends that I had to see him. And the worst about it was I couldn't do anything about. I couldn't do anything because he was "family."

He was my supposed "step-brother" since my dad remarried. That's why I hated going over to his house on the weekend- because I had to see _him_. Every other weekend I was sent to the prison of my dad's house for our "visits" whatever the fuck those were. I had to endured to whole days of pretending to be a perfect family. I wasn't even included in that perfect family of theirs. I was the bad kid.

It wasn't like I didn't know that either. I skipped school, got drunk, and pissed a lot of people off. I was the bad example. The kid that every parent didn't want their child to be like. I was reminded that every time I went to my dad's.

It was always the same questions when I came over. "Been to school lately?" "What classes are you failing now?" "Got any girls pregnant yet?" They would always ask these questions at dinner, in front of him- the "golden boy".

But he wasn't really golden, not in my eyes. First, he dressed like he was fucking emo or something. Black hair, black clothes. It was only a matter of time before he started painting his nails black and cutting his wrists. He even had a fucking tattoo. I had only seen a little part of it but I knew it was there. Then, on top of that, he had a tongue ring. A fucking tongue ring. How the fuck could he be seen as a golden boy?

But it didn't matter. Not in my dad, Charlie's eyes, or Renee's. They knew about those things but they didn't care. He actually went to school and got good grades. Fucking angel. I was always the bad guy. Especially when I was compared _him._ I don't know how many times I heard my dad ask "Why can't you be more like Edward?"

As much as I hated to admit it, those fucking words hurt. _I _was his son; I was_ blood_. And he wanted me to be like _him_? I would never ever think of him as family. I would never treat him as more than someone that I had to endure for more than two days at a time. It was the one promise to myself that I swore I would never break. So much for that.

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**Reviews? If I get a good response for the story I will be posting early otherwise chapter one will be out one week from today :D**

**.Me**


	2. Chapter 1

**As promised, I am posting early :D Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts...you are all so wonderful! I also want to thank Xavier Willow for helping me on this. :) Here is the first chapter but I want to give you some background things that I didn't put in the story.**

**Jasper has been going to his dad's house and staying in Edward's room for about a year. This chapter starts with the weekend that he realizes he feels "different" about Edward. I just didn't want anyone to think things were moving too quickly. :P**

**Disclaimer:Plot's mine, Twilight, on the other hand, is not.**

**Chapter 1: That Time I missed That Party**

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**~Saturday~**

I remember the first time I met Edward. My mom was dropping me off at a restaurant we were going to for one of our "family" dinners. I thought it was just going to be dad, Renee, and me. I was wrong. I went inside the restaurant to where they were sitting; they weren't alone.

_There was this boy there with them. He was wearing all black. Even his hair was black. I took the seat next to him across from my dad. That's when he looked up. His eyes stood out the most. They were green, bright green. The darkness surrounding him just made them stand out that much more. _

_"Jasper, this is Edward," my dad introduced us. Edward smiled at me while I just stood there in shock. Who the fuck was this kid and why was he sitting with us? I glanced over at my dad curiously. "He is Renee's son." Oh, that fucking explains it. So why was I just meeting him now? My dad had been with Renee for a year and a half and they never mentioned him. Why now? _

_We ordered our food and Renee and my dad tried to fill the silence with small talk. There was nothing for me to say. My grades still sucked, and I only went to class three days this week. The usual. But Edward didn't say anything either. And that bothered me. A lot. Maybe he was just one of those shy types; I didn't fucking know. But it annoyed me how he just watched everything going on around him without saying anything. _

_"So we have something important to tell you boys," my dad announced as everyone finished eating. I watched his face turn red. Great, what the fuck was it this time? I glanced at Edward to meet his eyes. What the fuck was he looking at me for? I turned back to my dad quickly. "We're getting married," he said finally. Things were dead silent for a moment. I glanced at Edward warily to see what he thought. His fucking face was expressionless._

_"Congratulations," he said to them. His voice was unexpectedly soft. Not a voice you would imagine coming from someone like him. I just sat there in shock. Was this really even happening? I didn't think that things were that serious between them, not something as serious as this._

_I wanted to be happy for them. I really wanted to. But all I could think about was how my dad was trading his life with my mom and me for Renee and Edward. They felt like replacements for us. He wasn't happy enough with us so he went off and found them. That's when I truly began to hate Edward._

_He was the one who took my spot. The one who was stealing my dad away. He was the one I truly hated. _

_I put on a fake smile for my dad and Renee and told them I was happy for them. From every weekend on Edward was there. And I had to share a room with him for two whole days. _

_Ever since the day in the restaurant things have never been the same between my dad and I. It's strained to say the least. I could try to make things easier but why try?_

"I know man. It fucking sucks," my best friend Emmett said. I was shocked out of that stupid fucking memory in an instant. I was talking on my cell phone ranting to him as I packed for my dad's. "Maybe you should just sneak out and go to the party anyway," he said for the millionth time. This weekend of any other weekend was the one I had to go to my dad's. I was fucking missing out on the best party of the year.

"You know I can't," I snapped as I threw the rest of my clothes in a bag. There was no fucking getting around it. I had to go to my dad's. I wasn't going to that party and I wasn't getting laid that night. No, I was going to my dad's to endure two whole days with _him_. It fucking sucked.

"Don't worry man," Emmett tried to reassure me. I rolled my eyes. Like that helped. Then I heard a car honk outside. Dad. Fuck, here we go.

"Gotta go man." I said to him and ended the call before he could answer. I knew I was envious of him right then. How could I not be? I grabbed my bag of clothes and left my room.

"Bye mom," I yelled to her. She was in her studio ignoring me as always. "See ya, sweetie. Love you." Sometimes I doubted if she even loved me, because if she loved me then I wouldn't have to go.

Once I was outside I noticed that _everyone_ was in the car. My dad, Renee, and _him_. Great. That could only mean one fucking thing. We were going out to eat. As a family. I tried to hold back a groan as I got in the backseat. Across from him.

"Hey kiddo, how ya been?" my dad asked. I tried to hold back a sarcastic remark.

"Great," I said sullenly as I watched my neighborhood disappear as I watched through the window. My dad chuckled. My fists clenched in my lap.

"So have you gotten your grades up yet?" he asked looking at me in the rearview mirror.

"Probably not since I only went two days this week," I said not stopping myself this time. But I had the satisfaction of watching my dad's face go red. He didn't say anything else and I smirked. I couldn't help being a smartass though. I was in a fucking bad mood and I was just being bitchy because I couldn't go to the party. I glanced over at Edward. He was still staring out the fucking window. I didn't understand how that pissed me off even.

Nobody said another word after that and the silence was deafening. I still fuming about having to go to my dad's when I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket.

**Where you at baby?** Tanya. I sighed. Even as much as I couldn't stand her I would rather be with her than sitting in a car with _him_.

**Had to go to my dad's.** I texted her back. In less than a minute my phone was vibrating in my hand.

**Miss you baby. I was looking forward to being with you again ;)** Fuck. Tanya was annoying as hell but she sure was a damn good lay. My dick started getting hard just thinking about it. I reached down to adjust myself in my jeans. That's when I noticed that he was watching me.

His green eyes were trained on me. Then they darted to where my hand was still grasping my dick through my pants. I couldn't look away from him; I felt myself harden even more. No.

I swallowed hard and shoved my phone in my pocket. I broke away from his eyes. This wasn't fucking happening. I didn't get hard because of him. I was just horny and he was just being a fucking fag. I told myself that over and over until I could almost believe the lies. But I didn't.

We arrived at the restaurant in no time. As soon as the car was parked I was jumping out of the car. Anything to get away from him. I just wanted to get this fucking dinner over with. We walked in and a waiter greeted us. He led us around the restaurant looking for somewhere to sit. _Not a booth. Not a booth. Anything but a booth._ I chanted that over and over in my head. The waiter led us directly to a booth. I tried not to groan. I hated them. Everytime we got one I had to sit next to Edward. We had to sit so closely in that cramped space that every time either one of us moved we would brush against each other. Each time it happened I felt this spark of anger flow through me. I could barely take it. Sometimes it got so bad that it took all I had not to jump out of the seat and leave. I always knew it would be a matter of time before it happened. I just didn't think it would be this time.

It started off like any other dinner. I listened to my dad and Renee talk to Edward at school. I glared at my food as I sat there listening to Edward's voice. All I could think was _why me?_ Why the fuck couldn't he just shut up? I stabbed a piece of meat with my fork and jammed into my mouth. That's when my dad decided to ask the question I never thought he would.

"So how's your mom doing?' he asked trying to be nonchalant about it I almost choked on my food but I managed to choke it down somehow. I had never felt as much anger towards anyone else than I did right then. Not even Edward, and that was really saying something.

"Why the fuck do you even care?" I spat loudly. Edward jumped next to me and I felt some sort of satisfaction that I had made him do that. Even when I was angry I was still aware of him which made me even angrier.

"Don't talk to me like that," my dad said sternly but his face was turning red.

"Answer the question, dad," I challenged him. Edward's green eyes were staring at me but I pretended I didn't even notice. "Then don't ask stupid fucking questions like that! If you cared about her, about me, you wouldn't have left. You didn't want us! You traded us for _them_. You should be fucking happy, dad. It's what you fucking wanted! So don't ask me how she's doing because it isn't any of your fucking business," I said each word loud and clear so that maybe he would understand. But by being loud I now had the attention of every single person in the fucking place. I stumbled out of the booth shaking with fury and adrenaline.

I made it to the door before I gave in and glanced at where they were sitting. My dad had his head in his hands. Renee was rubbing his back while trying to hold back her tears. Neither one of them was looking at me, but Edward was. And his eyes looked so devastatingly sad that it made my chest ache_. Fuck, I've had enough of this._ I pushed open the door and went out of the restaurant.

Cool, crisp air washed over me as I stepped outside. I really loved Seattle during this time of the year. Fall was perfect here, even calming. I sat down on the curb beside the car and concentrated on calming down. I didn't want to fight with my dad. Fuck, we barely talked enough to even have a fight. I never explained to him how I felt about all of that. But I didn't expect to blow up like that. It's just ever since he left me and my mom things had never been the same. I was kind of touchy about it.

I waited for them to come out of the restaurant. I really wanted to run back home but that was all the way across town. I didn't really have any other choice than to go home with them. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. I just wanted to forget everything. That's exactly what I got. I hated it even more.

They came out of the restaurant ten minutes later. My dad and Renee got in the car without saying anything to me. Fuck, they wouldn't even look at me. I climbed in the back seat just to see Edward looking at me again. Those green eyes still had that miserable look in them and I felt that ache in my chest again. I never fucking felt like this. I didn't want to feel _guilty._ Especially since he was the one filling my spot. He was the one who probably knew my dad better than I did. Why the fuck did I feel _guilty_ then?

Luckily the ride home was fairly short because I didn't know how long I was going to be able to take the intense silence in the car. Especially since I was the one who caused it. I thought that they would just get over what I had said but I was proved wrong. As soon as we arrived at the house they got out without another glance at me. It was like I was invisible, but it wasn't like I already was anyway. I just didn't understand why it would hurt all of a sudden.

We went inside the house and my dad and Renee went into their room, which was weird, because they normally watched a movie or something. Well, fuck them too. Two could play this game. I took my bag of clothes into the bedroom that I had to share with Edward when I came over. It was a big enough room that there was enough space for the both of us. I slept across the room from him on the couch that turned into a futon. I would've slept on the couch in the living room but Renee didn't want me to break it in. Like it was that fucking fancy.

Once I reached the couch I flopped down on it so that way I was lying on my stomach. All I fucking wanted to do was sleep. So that way I didn't have to think anymore. That way I didn't have to feel. I was just drifting off when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket once again. Fuck, not this again. I slid open my phone to see that Emmett had sent me a picture. For a second I couldn't believe my fucking eyes.

Tanya? What the fuck was she doing all over that asshole Mike? I couldn't fucking believe that she would do that to me. We weren't even dating but I didn't fuck around with anyone else. I kind of expected her to do the same. "Fucking whore," I spat out loud.

Edward looked up from his book that he was reading. Why couldn't he just mind his own business? I was fucking pissed off and I didn't like being watched. Just having those green eyes fixed on me across the room made me even angrier.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" I yelled. I watched him flinch and I felt that stupid feeling in my chest once again. But this time I ignored it. "Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted but it was not as loud. I was just desperate to make that fucking feeling go away. I glared at him across the room while he looked away from me finally. Then he shut his book and left the room. It made the feeling in my chest grow even stronger in my chest and I fucking hated it.

But I could think better when he wasn't staring at me. So that's what I did. I turned over on my back and stared at the white ceiling. But I wasn't really seeing the ceiling at all; I was seeing how things used to be.

_"Come on dad!" I yelled to him across the field. "I betcha can't get yours higher than mine!" I was ten and we were all at the park. My mom was at a picnic table watching nearby. It was just the three of us spending time together. I was flying my favorite Spiderman kite that always went higher than all the other ones. It was why I never let anyone use it. It was special. _

_I let it go higher and higher until I could only see a dot in the sky. But across the field you could see every detail of my dad's kite because it was so close. His was barely making it above the telephone pole. I smiled at him while he huffed and puffed in frustration. I was beating him again. _

_Then the wind really started to pick up and I let my kite go even higher. I only had a little bit of string left and I knew I was going to need some more. I looked over at my mom who had all the supplies we needed. But I didn't want to leave my kite. That's when I felt the tugging stop like someone had cut the string. It was no longer pulled tight._

_My kite was floating farther and farther away in the sky and I tried to wheel the string in to bring it back. It was only when I reached the end of the string and the kite wasn't on it that I realized what happened. My kite got untied and now it was drifting away. _

_I took off like a bolt of lightning down the field. I had to get my kite back; I had to save it. I ran and ran until my legs began to protest and my heart was beating furiously. I felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. I collapsed on the ground and sobs were ripped out of my chest. My kite was gone._

_I heard my mom and dad running towards me but I was still staring after my kite that was floating away._

_"What's wrong sweetie?" my mom asked as she smoothed my hair and rubbed my back. _

_"My kite," I choked out. _

_"What happened to it, son?" my dad asked kneeling on the ground beside my mom. _

_"The string-it broke. And now it's gone," I sobbed miserably._

_"It's just a kite, sweetie. We can get another one," my mom said as she pulled me in for a hug._

_"I don't want another one! It won't be the same anymore," I said as I cried even harder. My special kite was gone. Forever._

_"We can get you the same exact kind," my dad tried to persuade me. I shook my head._

_"That was the one you gave me. It was the best and now it's gone. Another one won't be the same," I said as my tears slowed. My mom and dad wrapped me in a hug._

_"It will be okay, son," my dad said. His voice sounded weird. Like he was trying to hold in his own tears. They pulled me in even closer and I knew that things were going to turn out okay. I didn't have my Spiderman kite, but things were going to be okay._

That was almost eight years ago. I was eighteen now and a senior in high school. So much had changed since then. We weren't a happy family anymore. Almost three years after that day in the park was when he left mom and me. He didn't have any other reason except that they had issues and he didn't love her like he used to. It was terrible.

I was so caught up in the memory that I didn't notice the shower turn off until Edward was coming back into the room. He was only wearing a towel and his black hair was dripping wet. His chest was showing and he wasn't as gangly as I thought he was. He had long sinewy muscles in his arms and his chest even had a little definition to it. Fuck, why was I even thinking about that? That's when Edward decided to look up at me.

His dark hair was hanging in front of his face which made his green eyes stand out even more. I met his eyes for once but not for long. I was distracted by the sight of him biting his lip. I could just see the silver ball that he had in his tongue. Fuck. My dick twitched in my pants.

This wasn't fucking happening, I thought angrily. I looked away from him at my clenched fists. Luckily he decided to put some clothes on. He turned around to look for some clothes in his dresser. His back was turned to me and I saw the water dripping down his back but I got to see something else too.

I finally got to see his entire tattoo. Wings. Every feather stood out and then ends were colored. At the end of the feathers I could see some writing but I was too far away to read it. It was actually fucking cool even though I would never tell him that.

I grabbed my pajamas and went out of the room so I wouldn't see any other body parts of Edward. I think I had seen enough. Plenty enough.

I tried to change as quickly as I could in the bathroom. There was still leftover steam from Edward's shower. That's when I realized that Edward was just in there. Naked. My dick twitched again.

I was just horny; it happened to everyone. That's what I told myself but when I looked in the mirror my cheeks were flushed. It was just left over from being angry, I reasoned. I sighed. I was too fucking tired to deal with any of this fucking shit right now.

When I went back in the room all of the lights were off. I could barely make out Edward's shape in his bed. I hurried over to my side and opened up the couch. I slipped in the covers but I wasn't even tired anymore. I was actually fucking wide-awake. I laid there for twenty minutes listening to our breathing. I was finally drifting off when I heard someone speak.

"Did you really mean what you said? Do you really think I'm replacing you?" he asked. It was the most he had ever said to me. I was surprised that the question didn't even make me that mad. Maybe I was just sick of being so angry all the time. Fuck, I don't think that I had ever been mad so many times as I had that day.

"Yes I meant it," I said gruffly. "My dad had me and now he has you. I'm the fuckup. He never wanted the responsibility of being my dad anyway. He'd rather have a son like you any day," I spat. Fuck, I thought I was tired of being angry. I guess not. I faced the wall so I had my back to him.

"You're wrong, you know that right?" he asked. I didn't say anything. My teeth were gritted. He didn't fucking know anything and he was telling me I was wrong? He didn't know anything.

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**~Sunday~**

I was relieved when I woke up. The entire night I had tossed and turned, so being consciousness was welcoming. Especially since what Edward said had repeated itself over and over in my mind all night. It was driving me fucking nuts. And, on top of that, I felt bad about what I said to my dad.

I wanted to apologize to him but I wasn't really sorry for what I said. It was the truth and you can't fucking change that with a simple "sorry." But I wanted things to be normal between us again. We couldn't ignore each other forever could we?

So I threw back my covers and glanced around the room. Edward was still sleeping. He was curled up in a ball facing me. He looked really young right then with his messy black hair and calm face. He actually looked kind of adorable.

Wait a fucking minute. Did I just think a guy looked adorable? What the fuck was wrong with me? I hurried out of the room. Maybe I was fucking sick or something? Because that definitely wasn't me back there. It couldn't possibly be.

Deciding that I didn't care about my morning wood that was tenting my pajama pants, I went to the kitchen. I expected to see my dad or Renee in there eating breakfast or drinking something, but the room was empty. Then I noticed a piece of paper on the table. A note.

_**Boys, we went to the store. Be back in a few hours.**_

That was all it said. I felt kind of stupid thinking that it might say something like "I'm sorry, Jasper." But I had hoped and it always fucking hurts to get your hopes up doesn't it? I sighed. So I had a few hours before they would come back; maybe I would be able to sleep some more. I walked back to Edward's room and as soon as I walked in he glances at me. He was lying on his stomach but his eyes were watching me.

"Shopping, huh?" he asked. His voice his rough with sleep. I felt myself harden upon hearing his voice. I jumped into the covers before he could think that I was hard because of him. Which I wasn't, duh.

I lay on my back and closed my eyes hoping that I could possibly fall back asleep. But I kept hearing Edward twist and turn in his bed and it was distracting. Why the fuck couldn't he just lay there and be quiet? I glanced over at him.

He was still on his stomach, but he had taken off his shirt and his tattoo was in full view again. All of a sudden I was asking him a question. Two, actually.

"Why did you get your tattoo? What does it mean?" Where the fuck did that come from? Edward's green eyes met my blue ones. He looked about as shocked as I felt. I never willingly talked to him so I could only imagine how he felt. He didn't say anything for a few seconds. He turned on his side so that way he was facing me. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and I couldn't help staring at it. Then his lips began forming words and my attention focused back on his eyes.

"I got it after my dad died," he said softly and looked down at his mattress. Fuck, maybe I shouldn't have even asked. "He was killed by a drunk driver a year and a half ago." I couldn't look any more. There was another new feeling in my chest that was spreading rapidly. It wasn't guilt….it was more like sympathy, or hurt, maybe even sadness. And I wasn't even mad about it. I mean how can you be fucking mad at someone who's been through that? "I put the wings on my back because he's the angel that is looking over me. I have his name on the wings," he explained. Oh, so that's what it said.

I didn't have control of my body as I threw off my covers and made my way towards Edward. His eyes burst open in shock as he saw me coming nearer. "Can I see?" I heard myself ask but it didn't sound anything like my voice.

"Umm sure," Edward said warily. I knew I was acting weird and it was probably freaking him out. He flipped over on his stomach again.

Damn. If I thought it looked cool from far away it was just unbelievable up close. I could see swirls in the wings, and now I could see his dad's name. Carlisle. My fingers traced the letters and I felt him shudder under my touch. He looked at me over his shoulder. His green eyes were partially hidden by his hair and all I wanted to do was move it out of the way so I could see him clearly. But I didn't.

My fingers continued to run along his ink over the feathers and down to where they ended next to his rib cage.

"That's why I think you're wrong about what you said. I never wanted your dad to replace mine. I would give anything in the world to have him back again," I heard him say calmly. I pulled my hand away from his skin. I didn't know what to say. I had never felt like this before.

"I'm-"

"Don't say it," Edward cut me off. Of course, he would feel like I pitied him. "Please, just don't say it, okay?" he pleaded with me. His green eyes were pleading with me and I felt myself wanting to comfort him. I took a step away from him.

"Okay," I mumbled. He nodded. I felt my face flush in embarrassment. When had I turned so fucking whipped? He got up from his bed and grabbed some of his clothes. Then he left the room altogether. Fuck. Just fucking great. Now I could go back to hating him couldn't I? This didn't fucking change anything. We could just go back to ignoring each other again. I was just curious that was all.

I changed my clothes and closed the futon. I pulled out my phone to check if I had any messages. None. Un-fucking-believable. I at least expected Tanya to text me, but we were done anyway. No one was going to fuck around when I was fucking them. Who knew how many others she had been with? I sighed. It didn't matter anyway. There were plenty of bitches at school that could fill my needs.

After twenty minutes of thinking of what I was going to say to Tanya the next time I saw her I began to wonder where Edward went. I slipped out of the bedroom and checked the bathroom. Nope. Okay. As I got closer to the kitchen I heard talking. My dad and Renee were back already?

Not that either. Edward was just sitting there watching t.v. I suddenly felt fucking hurt for some reason. He just kind of left me sitting in his fucking room. Who fucking cared anyway?

I got out a bowl and poured me some milk and cereal. Then I plopped down on the other end of the couch. Why the fuck couldn't they have more than one fucking couch in this place? I thought angrily as I shoved Luck Charms into my mouth.

I stared at whatever the fuck Edward was watching. CSI or some shit. There was nothing else to do in this fucking house besides stare at the fucking wall so t.v. was our only entertainment.

After I was full I slumped down on my side of the couch. I let my eyes close as I listened to the t.v. Maybe I would catch some sleep after all…

"We're back!" Renee called as the front door opened. What the hell? I raised my head from where it was resting on….Edward. Oh, fuck. I jumped away from him and met his shocked eyes. I had fallen asleep on him? Why the fuck couldn't he wake me up?

"Hey boys, whatcha doing?" I heard my dad asked as he stepped in the room. '

"Watching t.v," Edward said calmly as he turned back to the screen. What the hell? My dad just shrugged and went in the kitchen to help Renee put away the groceries.

I rubbed the drool off of my face and tried to smooth down my hair. I glanced over at Edward but he was still staring at the screen. Then I noticed a wet spot on the leg of his jeans. Fuck, I drooled on him? How long had I been asleep anyway? I looked at a nearby clock. Shit, it was already four in the afternoon. Had I really slept that long on Edward? And he didn't shove me off of him?

I got up and went to the bathroom. All of this was making me way too confused. Since when had things changed? I didn't fucking ever do this. I splashed some water on my face and glanced at myself in the mirror. My blue eyes were tired and my blonde hair was standing up all over the place. I was really losing it, wasn't I?

I sighed and left the bathroom. I really needed to fix what was going on with my dad. Even if I couldn't deal whatever the fuck was happening with Edward at least I had a shot with my dad. I walked into the kitchen where they were finishing up.

"Hey dad, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. He looked up from behind the cupboard.

"Sure," he sighed. Renee gave me a sad smile and left the room. Great, I probably hurt her fucking feelings too. I sighed.

"About what I said yesterday," I started. "I can't say I'm sorry because I'm not, but I should've just came and talked to you."

"You really feel that way?" my dad asked. His face looked so distressed and tired that I wished I could take back every hurtful word I had said.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "You left us dad, and you didn't explain. I just feel like you wanted them more than you wanted me," I hated that I was getting so emotional. It wasn't…me.

"That's not it at all," he said. "I love you, Jasper. But I love them, too." I don't know why but it fucking hurt to here him say that he loved them.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have left," I whispered. My dad shook his head. "But it makes sense why you love them. Renee's better than mom, more stable. And Edward? He's everything I'm not. He gets good grades, does the right things. He's better than I am. That's why you love them," I said. I fucking hated feeling all vulnerable like this. I wanted to feel angry, mad, something. Why did everything have to change because of one stupid question?

"Jasper I…."

"I understand, dad," trying to feel calm about this even though I wasn't. "I understand perfectly," I walked away from him with my fists clenched. That's when I noticed Edward standing in the doorway. Fuck, he'd heard everything hadn't he? Fuck my life.

I walked passed him with my eyes down. I didn't know how much of this I could fucking take anymore. I needed to fucking leave. Like now. I got out my phone and texted Emmett.

_**Hey, can you come pick me up? I'm at my dad's.**_ I texted him. I knew that he lived around here somewhere and he could be here soon. I went and grabbed my things out of Edward's room. I was surprised that I didn't fucking punch a wall or something because of all of the pent-up frustration inside of me.

_**On my way. **_I got his text and I immediately felt relieved. I walked back into the living room to wait.

"Are you leaving?" My dad asked. He knew Emmett sometimes drove me home.

"Yeah," I said trying to sound as normal as possible even though there was a storm raging inside of me.

"Are you going to come back in two weeks?" he asked. His voice was choked up. Damn, I never meant for this shit to happen.

"Yes." I heard him sigh in relief.

There was the sound of honking outside. Emmett, thank fucking God. I got up and went to the door. But I did something stupid and turned around.

Edward was there staring at me. He was looking at me with those intense green eyes. I tried to ignore that guilty feeling I had. I tried to tell myself that I didn't need to be guilty because he was taking my place. He didn't mean anything.

Then why did I feel this little rock in the pit of my stomach? Why could I feel those green eyes on me after I got in Emmett's car? Because there was something there. And I fucking hated it.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Like it so far? Leave a review and let me know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**You are all so amazing! Thank you so much for all of the reviews and alerts :D It seriously made my day. I am thrilled that you are enjoying the fic so far. I want to thank Xavier Willow for helping me on this :D Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine...Jasper is ;)**

**Chapter 2**

**That Time I Hit You**

* * *

**~Saturday~**

For the next two weeks things were fucking awful. That's the only way to explain it really. Many things made it that way too.

First, there was Tanya. As soon as I saw her on Monday I told her exactly how I really felt. That she was a fucking whore and I hoped that she had a great time fucking Mike. She broke down in tears and made an attempt at begging me to stay. It was fucking pathetic. We weren't even dating in the first place? What did it fucking matter to her?

I walked away from her while she cried in the middle of the hallway. I just kept walking until I found that ass Mike Newton. I couldn't have cared less that he was banging Tanya, but I was going to make damn sure that he from then on not to mess with someone that I was fucking.

As soon as he saw me in the hallway his face had this scared expression on it. It wasn't fucking stopping me.

"Jasper I can ex-" his words cut off when I punched him in the mouth. There was no fucking explaining. I punched him in the gut when he covered his face. He started fighting back and I really went at him then. I let all the anger swell into me that I had been keeping back.

Teachers and administrators pulled me off of him. I was so fucking angry that I fought against the holds on me. I wasn't done fighting yet. I needed to hit something…anything. But that didn't happen. I was taken to the office where I was given a week of suspension.

Normally I would just skip school anyway and normally I wouldn't care that I got suspended for a week. But this time was fucking different. For the first few days everything was great. I played Xbox and shit but that got old pretty fast. There was nothing on T.V. during the daytime so that was out to. Which only left one thing. Thinking.

That's the last fucking thing that I wanted to do. That's why I actually wanted to go to school. Because then I would at least have some sort of distraction. So that's what I did for the next week. I thought. I thought about my dad…and Edward. I also kept thinking back to that Sunday when Emmett came and got me.

_"What happened?" Emmett asked as soon as I was in the car._

_"Nothing," I muttered and he rolled his eyes. We both knew that there was something that was going on. The lies were pouring out of me before I could even think to stop them. "Edward fucking hit on me!" I heard myself say. Where the fuck did that come from? Oh, who the fuck cares, just go with it, I told myself._

_"You're kidding," Emmett's face was shocked. I had vented to him about Edward before so he knew a little bit about him. "That's fucking crazy! What did he do?" Shit. Think of something, Jasper._

_"He made me touch his fucking tattoo. And then when I fell asleep he kept touching on me. And he was always fucking staring at me, too. I t was so fucking creepy," I said. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt my stomach clench._

_"What a fag. No wonder you wanted to leave early."_

_"Yeah." I tried to ignore that guilty feeling inside of me._

_"So are going to go back?" he asked me._

_"I have to," I growled out. But two weeks seemed so far away then. Maybe time away from them would do me good. I dreaded the next time that I had to go back over there though. I didn't want to face my dad or Edward. But I had two weeks. Things would just go back to normal…._

That was two weeks ago and now it was time to go back. I was cool by then. I would work things out like normal and ignore Edward as always. Nothing fucking changed. And it wasn't going to.

"Fuck, Lauren we have to stop," I said between moans. We were on my bed making out and her hands slid down to unbutton my jeans. It felt so damn good but my dad was going to show up any minute.

"C'mon, you know it feels good," she said seductively. She slid her hand underneath my boxers and grabbed my cock. "Tell me you want me to stop and I will," she whispered breathlessly in my ear. My only response was a grunt. Lauren slid my jeans off me and I could feel her breath on my cock.

"Oh, fuck," I heard myself mutter. Her mouth enveloped me and all my resolve to resist was gone. She wasn't nearly good at sucking dick as Tanya was, but she would do. One hand threaded in her hair to guide her. "Like it?" she asked as she pulled her mouth off of my cock. I fucking hated when girls stopped to ask me that. What a stupid fucking question. I was hard and her mouth was on me, how could I possibly not like it. "Yes," I growled out and tried to guide her mouth back on me. A car horn sounded from outside. Dad. Oh fucking well. Maybe if I just ignored him he would leave. Lauren moaned around me and I closed my eyes as I tried to concentrate on what she was doing. But the honking was persistent. Over and over and over….then it was silent except for Lauren's breathing and my grunts. Fucking finally.

I heard my mom talking to someone in the kitchen. She was probably talking to one of her many friends. The ones that she spent more time with than she did me. That's when I heard _him._

"Thank you," I heard him say to my mom. Oh hell fucking no. I pushed Lauren off of my dick and pulled up my jeans. Anger was pounding through me. I went to my door and threw it open. Edward was standing there and his hand was raised like he was just about to knock on my door.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" I spat the question at him. His green eyes looked surprised. His eyes traveled down my body. He was fucking staring at me and I was shirtless. And still hard. Watching his eyes on me made my stomach lurch. Fucking fag.

"Your dad made me come and get-"

"I'll be out when I'm ready! Get the fuck out! Go!" I yelled at him.

"Jasper!" I heard my mom yell from the kitchen. I didn't fucking care what she thought. He was in my fucking house. My house. "Now!" I yelled. He turned away and left. I felt myself seething. I went back in my room and slammed the door.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Lauren asked sweetly. It made me even madder. Why the fuck would she even care? I was only using her to get off anyway. Speaking of getting off…..

"Finish what you started," I snapped at her. She fell to her knees in front of me, unzipped my pants, pulled down my boxers, and wrapped her lips around my cock. Fuck, that feels good. I could feel the anger evaporating from me. Even though I was frustrated I was still able to get my rocks off. Fucking unbelievable. "Oh, fuck, so close," I grunted out. Lauren worked me even faster. Seconds later I was pouring my release into her mouth. Damn, I loved watching girls swallow my cum…..I sighed and immediately shoved my dick back into my boxers and pulled up my jeans. I shoved some clothes into a bag. Maybe they would still be out there waiting for me….I doubted it. "I'll see you when I get back on Sunday, okay?" I asked her. She wanted to hang out before school on Monday. And by "hanging out" she meant having sex. Sounds good to me.

"Okay," she tried to lean in to kiss me but she got me cheek. I didn't fucking kiss people. And never on the fucking lips. It just seemed to fucking intimate to do, and I wasn't going to start doing it with a slut like her. I left my room without another word to her. I didn't say goodbye to my mom either. She was like a fucking traitor to me for letting him in the house. Besides, I didn't expect to be going anywhere anyway.

I was proved wrong when I stepped outside and the car was still sitting there waiting for me. I sighed. I kind of hoped that they hadn't waited for me. I went up to the car and noticed that it was only my dad and Edward. Where the fuck was Renee? Luckily, Edward knew to sit in the back seat so I jumped in the front.

"Where's Renee?" I asked as my dad started driving. He didn't say anything about the things that had happened the last time that I visited. And he didn't ask what took me so long, so I guessed Edward had told him what happened.

"She's at a friend's house," my dad said calmly. Then did this mean that it was going to be the three of us having dinner together? _Just fucking perfect,_ I thought to myself. "And Edward's going to his friend's house," he said. I did a mental happy dance in my head. Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad after all. It was silent in the car and I felt in a better mood already. I wasn't all together happy…..but close enough. I tried my best to ignore the feeling that Edward was staring at me. I didn't want to meet his eyes that would make me feel guilty. So I pretended he didn't exist.

My dad pulled over to the side of a curb in some neighborhood that wasn't too far away from his house. Maybe Edward could stay with his friend the entire weekend. I fucking hoped for it too.

Edward got out of the car and I tried not to look at him as he walked up the sidewalk to the door. But I was curious to see his "friend." Fuck, I didn't even know someone like him could have friends.

I was so fucking shocked when the most beautiful girl opened the door. She was short and had dark choppy hair. She was fucking gorgeous. This was Edward's friend? I watched as he gave her a brief kiss. A stab of jealousy went through me. What the fuck? I was only jealous that I didn't have a girl like that. Not that he was with her. Never because of that.

"Can we please fucking go?" I asked my dad. I didn't want to sit here and watch this shit. Just before we pulled away Edward turned around to close the door. His green eyes found mine and the look he held in them was unfathomable. Even after we had turned the block I could still feeling those eyes on me. And I fucking hated it.

My dad took us to some casual restaurant. I guess it was time to make up. I rolled my eyes. I fucking hated fixing things that I had fucked up. It just wasn't me. That's why I hadn't ever told anyone 'I'm sorry.' Because it wasn't me and I didn't admit that I was wrong. I wasn't going to say those two stupid fucking words to my dad. But I would fix things. Because he was my dad, and I loved him.

We sat down at a table and ordered our food. I waited until he was eating before I started.

"Dad, about last weekend…." I started to say but I couldn't find the words to continue.

"Jasper, you were right," I heard my dad sigh. I glanced up to see his disappointed face. This wasn't how this was supposed to fucking go.

"What do you mean?" I asked. At least he wasn't fucking blaming me for what I said.

"I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn't want to leave your mom and you. Never," I could feel myself getting angry from his words. Maybe this wasn't the brightest fucking idea. "But things were complicated with your mom," he paused for a moment.

"How?" I snapped at him.

"It's a long story."

"It's a long weekend." Why the fuck couldn't he just tell me? I had a fucking right to know.

"Please, Jasper. It isn't the right time to tell you right now, okay? Just trust me."

"When is the right fucking time?" I wanted to yell at him so damn bad and it was taking all the control that I had not to. He sighed and shook his head.

"Jasper, I love you son," he said quietly.

"But you love them more," I insisted stubbornly. This was so fucking screwed up it was unbelievable.

"No I don't Jasper! Why can't I love them too?" he asked. He was the one getting mad this time. I felt the little rock of guilt tumbling around in my stomach. I stared down at the table and bit my lip. Why did I have to fucking feel like this? "You just have to get to know them, Jasper."

"I don't want to fucking get to know them," I seethed. I wasn't really talking about Renee, but definitely Edward. I think we both knew that.

"Why do you hate him so much?" I heard my dad ask. It made me even more furious.

"Why are you changing the subject?"

"Answer the question, Jasper," my dad said roughly. It was big 'tough dad' voice. I was just being stubborn and I fucking hated that I let him get to me like that. It wasn't fucking fair for him to do that.

I sat there for a couple minutes. I stared down at my plate and played with my food. I didn't want to fucking say what I needed to say. I especially didn't want to feel all of the emotion that came with it.

"He gets to live with you. He gets you as a dad. Things are really fu- messed up with mom. I hardly ever see her anymore. I just….I miss you dad," I said. I tried to veer the topic off of why I hated Edward. There were far too many reasons for that. It would take all fucking day and then some. I watched my dad's face morph into something between sadness and regret. He slid out of the booth he was in and hugged me on my side. His grip was tight….and way too fucking awkward. Hugging was another thing that I never did.

"I miss you, too," he sighed as he let go of me. Did I mention that I fucking hated this emotional shit?

We both left the table and got in the car. I think it was a bit emotional for the both of us. It took a lot out of me to actually have that fucking heart to heart with my dad. We were heading back to his house when my dad muted the radio. Fuck.

"Will you at least try to make things work with Edward?" he asked halfheartedly. I snorted. That was way to fucking funny. "Best I could do…." My dad turned back on the music with a sigh. Try and make things work with Edward? Was he fucking blind? Things would _never_ work out with Edward.

_But you want them too._ What the fuck? I must've been going nuts or something because I knew that I couldn't have fucking possibly thought that. I told myself the lies over and over until they were almost believable. Almost.

Renee was sitting on the couch when we walked into the house. She was sitting there watching T.V.

"How was dinner?" she asked. She glanced at my dad with a worried look. She must've known that we were going to make up and shit. But did we really even get anywhere? Now that I fucking thought about it we got absolutely fucking nowhere. I still didn't know why he left my mom. What the fuck? I tried not to show all of the frustration I was feeling and gave her a small smile. My dad nodded.

"Do you wanna watch a movie or somethin'?" my dad asked me. What the fuck was this family get together night? I didn't fucking do this shit.

"I'm kind of tired actually," I lied. I just didn't want to fucking face the awkwardness of sitting there with my dad and Renee. It wasn't my fucking thing. They gave me a pair of comforting smiles which made me even guiltier. And feeling that guilt made me angry. I walked to Edward's room with my bag of clothes. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? I was sitting on the futon thinking when I realized something. This was the first time that I had ever been left alone for an unlimited amount of time in his room. Suddenly I knew what I was going to do.

I closed the door and walked over to Edward's side of the room. The first thing I found was his collection of CDs. I flipped through them. _Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Sick Puppies. _I fucking loved all of those bands. Fucking excellent choice in music….Wait? I was not complimenting him. Never. I went on looking through more things. He had my favorite movies, favorite books. What the fuck? I moved away from his side of the room. I didn't want to find anything else that we had in common. I didn't want to fucking like the same things as him.

I plopped down on the futon across the room and dug my phone out of my jeans pocket. I texted Lauren. I just wanted to fucking talk to her; it wasn't like I needed a distraction or anything like that.

_**Hey baby, whatcha doing?**_ I texted her. But after ten minutes and not getting a text back I was pissed. What the hell was she so busy doing that she couldn't talk to me?

_**Sorry, I'm kinda busy right now, baby. I'll text you when I can.**_ What the fuck? No one was ever too fucking busy to talk to them. I felt even more angry at myself and everything around me. I didn't want to fucking be conscious anymore. Everything was just so fucking frustrating. And by everything I meant everything.

I brushed my teeth and put on pajama pants. I didn't bother with a shirt because I was just too fucking lazy to put one on. I laid there for fucking ever and didn't even fall asleep. All the thoughts I had just kept whirling around in my head. So I fucking lay there with my eyes closed feeling pissed off.

I was finally drifting off when _he _opened the door and came into the room. I swear I could have fucking killed him. He was being loud as fuck as he shuffled over to his bed. I turned over and glared at him. Who the fuck comes home at eleven at night anyway?

"Could you be any fucking louder?" I snapped at him. He turned around to glance at me with expressionless green eyes. Couldn't he fucking see that I was trying to go to sleep? He switched on the bright light in the middle of the room. Apparently fucking not. I got out of bed to go take a piss. It took all the effort inside of me not to fucking punch him as I walked passed. I went to the bathroom and tried to take my fucking time. But that made things even worse because I started thinking again. And it made me mad.

I kept thinking about the conversation with my dad about how he wanted me to get along with Edward. I kept thinking about the look Edward had given me before we drove off at that girl's house. I kept thinking about all the fucking things Edward and I had in common. And it made me fucking mad. Who the fuck thinks about all that shit when they pee anyway? Apparently me.

I dug myself back to Edward's room. I opened the door to find him staring at me. What the fuck? His green eyes were ogling me. That was the last fucking straw for me. It was like something else took control of my body.

One second I was in the doorway and the next second I was flying towards him with my fists raised. "What the fuck is your problem?" I heard myself growl at him. He didn't say anything. He didn't even fucking flinch away from my raised fists. That pissed me off even more. My fist connected with his face. I fucking hit him once. Twice. It felt so fucking good to hit something. But he was just standing there taking my punches like they were nothing and I knew I was fucking hitting him hard. Then he collapsed to the floor. "Why the fuck aren't you fighting back?" I yelled at him. Why the fuck couldn't he stand up for himself like a fucking man?

I stared at him lying on the floor and I felt the rock of guilt grow in my stomach. My arms fell to my sides as I looked at Edward on the floor. His face was red where I had hit him but it was his eyes that really did it for me. They were fucking glassy like he was about to cry. I had been in plenty of fights and I had never made anyone fucking cry.

"I won't hit you because it won't matter. You'll still keep hurting me, physically and emotionally. And the worst part about it is- I haven't even done anything to you." His voice was calm and expressionless but you could see everything in those fucking green eyes. He lifted himself off the floor and I watched him put on a hoodie that he had just taken off. He didn't say another word to me, or even spare me another glance as he left the room.

"Edward! Where are you going?" I heard Renee in the living room.

"Edward, wait-" I heard my dad call after him. The sound of the front door shutting was heard throughout the entire house. He fucking left.

I was still standing there trying to control the shock and leftover anger that I was feeling. What the fuck just happened. I was still trying to figure that question out when my dad and Renee came in the room.

"What happened, Jasper?" Renee asked. I was kind of shocked that she hadn't already fucking guessed. My dad did. He was standing there just shaking his head.

"I-" I started to explain. But what the fuck was I supposed to tell them? That I fucking hit Edward for no fucking reason at all? Not going to happen.

"Don't worry sweetie," my dad kissed Renee's forehead. She nodded. "I'm sure he'll be alright," he gave me a look that was almost intense as Edward's. Fuck. What the hell was he trying to tell me? They left the room and I made my way back to the futon in a daze. I still couldn't believe what happened.

I laid back down and covered back up. But I couldn't fucking fall back asleep. No, the little rock of guilt in my stomach made damn sure of that, and so did guilt's best friend worry. No, fuck no, I wasn't worried about him. Then why the fuck are you sitting here wondering where he went? Why did I desperately want to know if he was okay?

_Because you fucking care about him, Jasper._

No! That idea was completely unthinkable. I didn't fucking care about him. I just fucked up. Badly. Since when did I fucking hit someone for no fucking reason? I didn't, ever. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Nothing. Completely nothing. He would be all right. He was probably over at that chick's house. Not like I fucking cared. I jumped out of bed and tried not to think twice about what I was going to do.

* * *

**~Sunday~**

I didn't fucking think about what I was doing as I pulled on my jeans and t-shirt. But I knew that I had to do this otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep and those fucking feelings wouldn't go away either. But I didn't even fucking know where to go to find him. That left only one fucking thing…

I slipped on my hoodie and crept out to find my dad watching T.V on the couch. It was one in the morning and he was still up? Fucking hallelujah.

"Dad?" I heard this timid voice ask. What the fuck Jasper? Man the fuck up.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he looked me over. His eyes were tired and I probably wasn't helping any.

"Ummm…do you know where Edward would go?" I asked. His mouth turned into a smirk and I tried to swallow the anger inside of me. This was such a fucking stupid idea.

"Matter of fact I do. Why?" Was he really trying to make me say it? Fuck. Maybe it was fucking better to just go back to bed and pretend like none of this fucking happened. Sounds good to me….I turned back around and heard my dad say my name. "Jasper, here." He wrote an address down and handed it to me. "Don't do something stupid." Too fucking late for that. I knew that my dad probably thought that this was the first step to me getting along with Edward but he was fucking wrong. I fucking hated him and I always would. Why did thinking that feel like a fucking lie?

I walked out of the door. Fuck, it was cold as hell out here! Damn, I should've brought my fucking coat.

_Edward was just wearing a hoodie too,_ the little voice in my head said. He would have been just as fucking cold. The little rock of guilt grew even more. It was my fault he was even out there in the first place. Fuck….

I walked on and on and it was fucking endless. I was almost halfway there when I wanted to go back home. It was way too fucking cold to be walking around outside. I just wanted to forget all of this even happened. But I kept going anyway. I really wished I hadn't.

By the time I got there I was shivering like fucking crazy and I was sure that my toes were going to fall off. I cursed myself many times along the way for even leaving. He wasn't fucking worth going through all this shit for. He would've fucking came back home anyway. But I was already at the house. I wasn't even at the fucking door and I felt those stupid feelings in my stomach grow even more. I fucking hated it.

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer the fucking door. I rubbed my hands together to try to warm them up but it was completely useless. It took forever for someone to open the door. When the girl I had seen before opened the door I felt myself let a breath go. I hadn't realized that I was fucking holding my breath.

"Uh….is Ed-Edward here?" I asked. My words were stuttered because I was shivering so badly. She probably thought I was fucking nuts standing there asking for Edward.

"Sure," she said. I watched as she went. She was really something. I still couldn't believe a guy like Edward could snatch a woman like her. She left the door open so I could hear footsteps as they got closer. I felt my fists clench at my sides and it was weird because I wasn't even fucking mad. I was nervous.

As soon as Edward saw me he began to close the door but I stopped it with my foot. He stopped trying to force the door closed and glanced up at me. His face was fucked up. It was fucking bruised on both sides and even on his fucking neck…..I felt my gut twist seeing what _I _had fucking done to him. I hated knowing that I put those marks on him.

"Edward, I-I didn't mean t-to hurt you," my words were stuttered from my chattering teeth. I watched his green eyes harden.

"Yes you did. Goodbye, Jasper," This time I let him close the door and I fucking didn't know why. I turned away from the house and stalked away. What the fuck? I had just come all the way out there just for him to dismiss me like I was a fucking dog?

I criticized myself as I walked the long way back home. I was so damn stupid it was unbelievable. I fucking tried didn't I? And this was what I got?

I cursed as I walked along the sidewalk. I was pissed off. At myself, at Edward, at the cold, at everything. I fished out my phone. I dialed my dad's number.

"Need a ride son?" he asked. His voice was amused and I fucking hated it.

"Yes," I growled out.

"I'm on my way." That was it. Then I cursed at myself even more for not thinking of getting a ride there in the first place. Like I said, I was a complete fucking idiot. This was the last time I was ever going to do anything like this. I kept walking as I watched for my dad's car. It seemed like he was taking longer than necessary to get here. But then I saw headlights. Fucking finally. I jumped in the car and reveled at the heat in it. I didn't say anything to my dad.

"So I'm guessing things didn't work out?" my dad asked. He still had that amused smirk on his face. It made me even angrier. "What did you expect Jasper?" he asked me like it was the simplest question in the world. What did I expect? I fucking expected him to accept my apology that wasn't really an apology and fucking move on.

_You deserved what you got and you know it._ I wished I could just stop thinking and feeling too.

My dad didn't say anything else. I think he understood in some way that I was at my fucking boiling point. I was tired, angry and all I wanted to do was sleep. So I did. As soon as we got back I just slipped into the ready futon. I didn't even bother with putting on pajama pants. I just wanted to be unconscious where I wasn't reminded of all the guilt and anger I felt.

**Later**

Turns out I couldn't even avoid those things in sleep. I kept fucking dreaming about Edward's face when he was on the floor. A hurting in my chest was what woke me up. I decided to just ignore it. It didn't fucking mean anything. Right?

So why did my chest hurt even more when I glanced to Edward's side of the room to see that he wasn't there? I didn't fucking miss him. He was probably banging his girl and acting up how hurt he was. All I could do was pity him.

I got out of bed in search of some food. I went in the kitchen to see Renee and my dad both giving me weird looks. I fucking hated that they knew that I was the reason Edward left. They didn't say anything though and I was glad. I fixed up some cereal but when I sat down to eat I didn't even want it. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just fucking act normal? I shoved my spoon into my cereal and stuffed a big load of Captain Crunch into my mouth. I swallowed that one mouthful and just stared at my bowl.  
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Renee asked across the bar. Fucking everything, that's what was wrong. I just shrugged and she frowned at me. My dad just raised an eyebrow at her. I couldn't fucking take watching them so I left. I changed my clothes and just sat there on the futon. My eyes kept drifting over to Edward's empty side of the room. Fuck.

I left that room too and settled to watch some mindless T.V. At least I didn't have to fucking think. But even that was hard. Every couple of hours there would be someone knocking on the door. The mailman, Renee's friend…And every time I heard someone knocking my chest tightened like I was anxious. Who the fuck cared if Edward came back? Not me…..

Then why the fuck did I feel that way? Why was I so anxious to see him? I wasn't. Period.

I sat there all day on the couch. I told myself that I wasn't waiting for Edward to come back I was simply watching reruns on the television. But every commercial my eyes would stray to the front door. The day passed by so fucking slowly and I hated it. I just fucking wanted to leave. Finally it was time to go.

"C'mon kiddo," my dad called from the kitchen. I went and grabbed my clothes out of Edward's room. Again my eyes strayed over to his side and the emptiness that was there. I just hurried out of the fucking room before I could think any more of these ridiculous thoughts.

"He's already outside, dear," Renee said as I passed her.

"Thanks," I muttered. It was the least I could fucking say after beating up her son for no apparent reason.

I was just going out the door when I ran into something…or rather someone. I knew who it was before I even looked up. It was _him_. I could feel his fucking eyes on me so I looked up. My stomach lurched but it was guilt this time….it was something else entirely.

"Edward…" I started to say but I didn't fucking know how to continue. He just shook his head and walked inside. Just before the door slammed I hear Renee.

"Edward, your face!" I swallowed and walked to the car and jumped in. My dad didn't say anything even though I know he fucking wanted to. He was just radiating smugness. Whatever. Edward fucking needed to get over this shit.

Dad dropped me off and we exchanged good-byes. I would see him in another fucking two weeks. I was already fucking planning on anything to make sure that I didn't have to go. I couldn't even tell myself that it wasn't because of _him_.

Mom greeted me when I got home. I was fucking glad to be back. I couldn't fucking stand all of the things that had happened over the past weekend.

"How'd it go, honey?" she asked.

"Perfect," I grumbled.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jasper." I wanted to scoff at her and laugh in her face. I was just angry and frustrated and I knew I shouldn't be taking it out on her. But she didn't do anything. "Dinner will be ready soon. Oh, and Lauren's in your room." What the hell? I wasn't fucking planning on messing around with her tonight. Oh, well maybe I could get another blowjob from her.

I walked into my room to see her lying there spread across my bed. She was trying to look seductive but she wasn't very good at it.

"Hey baby. I've been waiting for you."

"You have, have you," I turned on the charm instantly. I walked to the side of the bed and toed off my shoes. Her hands were everywhere on me. I palmed her breasts and listened to her overdramatic moans. She palmed me through my jeans but I wasn't even getting hard. What the fuck?

I pulled her on top of me and pulled off her shirt so I could see her tits. God damn…..She rocked her hips against mine and ran her hands over my chest. Then she slid down my body until she reached the button of my jeans. She unbuttoned them quickly and pulled out my dick and got to work.

I couldn't fucking get hard then either.

"Lauren, stop," I told her and she looked up with disappointed eyes. "I'm just tired okay? Tomorrow," I said putting on the charm. She winked at me and slid her shirt back on.

"Looking forward to it," she winked as she left the room.

Why the hell wasn't I getting turned on? This was fucking crazy. Lauren was an attractive enough girl so there was no problem there. Maybe I was just fucking tired I tried to persuade myself. Wasn't fucking working. This was so fucked up. No, I was fucked up. I was fucked up bad.

* * *

**I also want to mention that updates will be every other Sunday from now on...I'm trying to balance my writing between this fic and my other one. **

**So...Like it? Hate it? Want more? Leave a review and let me know what you think :D**

**.Me**


	4. Chapter 3

**I'm back! And a day early at that :D I want to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews! The response to the story has been amazing..keep it up! I also want to thank Xavier Willow for being an awesome beta. Couldn't do it without you! **

**Disclaimer:Twilight's not mine but this plot is ;)**

**Edited to add: Changed some words around. It was brought to my attention that I used the f-word too many times. Thank you...(you know who you are) I hope this works better for you! **

**Chapter 3: That Time You Fixed Me**

**~Saturday~**

I hadn't been with Lauren since that Sunday I came back home. Actually I hadn't been fucking anyone. I just felt so fucking weird not being able to get hard for a chick. I was just making sure that it never happened again. But it seemed like it was more than that….It was like my whole being was off since the last time I was at my dad's. I fucking hated being this way. Or, in Emmett's words, "A fucking pussy."

It seemed like everyday I got more and more anxious about going to my dad's. I didn't know what to fucking expect when I went back over there. Would he still be mad? Would he hate me now? Maybe it would be a good thing if he hated me because then the feelings would be mutual.

_No they wouldn't. _I growled just thinking about it but that anxious feeling was still growing inside of me. It was not because of Edward. Never because of him.

Who the fuck cares what he thought? I decided I wasn't going to care anymore. I might've fucked up but he could get over it. He should just accept it and move the on. Then why was I sitting here sick to my stomach with nerves then?

I was out in my living room watching out the window. It was the first time I had ever done that but I couldn't force myself to go back to room and I berated myself for it.

"Honey?" my mom called from the doorway to the kitchen. She was in her painting clothes and had a cup of tea in her hand.

"Yeah?" I asked. I couldn't even find the will to snap at her. That's how fucking messed up I was over everything.

"You don't have to go today?" she told me. Something lurched in my stomach and I tried to ignore it.

"Why?" I asked her. Did Dad call and say that I couldn't come over or something? He knew that I tried to fix what I did but Edward was too fucking stuck up to realize it.

"You just haven't been yourself lately. Maybe you should just stay home this weekend," she frowned. Why did everyone think I was acting weird? I was still me! But her offer was one that I had wanted here all of the times I had went over there. That meant that I didn't have to deal with _him_ or any other bullshit for that matter. I could just stay home and relax and do whatever the fuck I wanted. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I even thought about them.

"No, I'll go," I heard myself say. What the hell? This was the chance that I had been waiting for. I didn't have to go over there and now _I_ was the one to decide to go? I was fucking crazy.

"Are you sure?" she asked. Her face was skeptical and I knew that she was doubting me. I usually tried everything to get out of going to my dad's. I was fucking messed up bad. I nodded and bit back my tongue. Stupidest decision that I ever made.

A car honked outside and my mom stared at me. I knew she was ready for me to say that I didn't want to go and to head back to my room. But I didn't. I got up. My feet felt like dead weights. I managed to make it to the door and then I was out.

Dad was the only one in the car and that stupid feeling in my stomach was back. No, I was not fucking hoping that Edward was in the car. I didn't want to spend anymore time with him than I already had. But those feelings in my stomach made me feel otherwise. I fucking hated it.

"So how was school?" he asked. Same old questions.

"Great. I fucking went to school the entire two weeks," I grumbled. I didn't want to fucking talk about school. I went there only as a distraction so that way I didn't have to think about what happened the last time over at his house. I glanced over and my dad was smirking. I felt my anger start to boil. "What?" I snapped at him.

"You feel guilty don't you?" he smirked even more. I was ready to punch something, but I didn't. I fucking knew where punching got me.

"I don't feel fucking guilty," I seethed. My dad was still smirking. I balled my hands up in my lap.

"So, it's our anniversary tonight and we are going out. We won't be back until tomorrow morning." What the hell was I even coming over for? The whole point of these visits was so I could visit my dad. I wanted to tell my dad to just turn around and take me home. I didn't and I had no fucking clue why. "So you'll be alright with Edward?" he asked.

"I'm not going to fucking hit him again if that's what you're worried about," I snapped.

"Just checking," my dad laughed. I'm so fucking glad that he found this so funny.

He dropped me off at the house and Renee came out looking dressed up. She didn't say anything to me as she passed. Great. She was f giving me the cold shoulder because of what I did to him. Whatever. She would have to get over it too. They drove off after my dad waved and I was still standing there on the porch. I stared at the door trying to talk myself into opening it. Little rocks of guilt and disappointment were rolling around in my stomach. But I was also nervous. I was never fucking nervous and I didn't need to be then. It was just fucking Edward. Nothing changed.

_Yes they did._ I fucking hit him for no reason and I felt really bad over it. I fucking hated that he made me feel that way. But I was wrong and I knew it. Oh fucking well. I opened the door. I heard the sounds of talking and knew he was less than ten feet away on the couch. Mystomach did somersaults. I toed off my shoes and walked passed him. He didn't even fucking look up from the T.V. which pissed me off. We were playing that game?

I put my overnight bag on the futon in Edward's bedroom. When I turned around to leave my eyes automatically fixed on the spot where Edward was lying on the floor after I had hit him. I felt sick just thinking about it. But what the hell was I supposed to do the rest of the day? I didn't want to fucking just sit in his room and think. So I ambled out to the living room and sat on the opposite side of the couch. Once again he acted like I wasn't even there. I decided I would do the same and turned to the screen.

My eyes kept straying to him and I had no fucking clue what was going on in the show that we were watching. My eyes kept tracing over the part of his jaw where the light bruise was. It was almost faded but I could still see it and I hated knowing that I put that there. But I couldn't look away from him. I saw the way his eyes and face would light up when he found something amusing on T.V. I also noticed how he would keep pushing his hair back to make the jet-black strands stand on end. I was aware of every move he made and I fucking hated it.

I made myself concentrate on the show but I would constantly catch myself glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. He made no notice that he saw me looking at him and it drove me nuts. I wanted him to acknowledge that I was there or scream at me, anything. I just didn't want him to pretend that I wasn't sitting less than four feet away from him. I couldn't fucking take it anymore.

I jumped off the couch and went to the bathroom slamming the door as I went. I turned on the lights and stared at myself in the mirror.

_Get a fucking hold on yourself, Jasper. You're fucking falling apart here._ I wasn't falling apart, especially not for him. He wasn't worth it. I turned on the faucet and splashed water on my face hoping that it would help. It didn't. I was so fucked up over this that it was unbelievable.

I walked out of the bathroom and walked back into the living room. The T.V. was still on but Edward was gone. I felt my heart drop and I hated it. It didn't fucking mean anything.

I sat back down on the couch and watched the screen. I wasn't even paying attention to what I was watching. I just sat there mindlessly and tried not to think about anything. But after two fucking hours of that shit I couldn't sit there anymore. I had to do something.

I went to the kitchen and started looking for something to eat. There was barely any food in the fridge or in the cupboards. It fucking pissed me off. I searched harder and found a jar of cheese and a box of noodles. Macaroni and cheese it was. I wasn't the greatest cook but I could probably manage cooking something as simple as that.

I made enough for him too even though I was still pissed about him ignoring me. Making him food was sort of like my peace offering. Hopefully we could just go back to how things used to be.

The noodles were done shortly and all I had to do was heat up the cheese. I took off the metal lid and placed the jar into the microwave. My stomach was growling and I was so fucking hungry that I could've eaten the noodles plain. I didn't think I actually had to.

The microwave beeped and I immediately jumped up to grab it. I opened the door and pulled out the jar. Hot! I fucking the jar while I cursed at my own stupidity. Why the hell couldn't I put on an oven mitt before grabbing the jar? I didn't know and I was pissed off. My hands fucking hurt like hell. The jar of cheese was shattered all over the floor. I guess we weren't going to have cheese with our noodles.

I got on my hands and knees and started to pick up the pieces of glass. I swore even more as the glass cut my already burnt hands. I was so fucking busy picking up the ruined jar of cheese that I didn't here him come in.

"Are you okay?" I heard him ask. My head shot up so quickly that I thought I was going to get whiplash or something. He was standing there watching me but his eyes weren't angry like I expected them to be.

"I'm fine," I growled as another edge of glass nicked me. I kept picking up the shards but I felt his eyes on me. Then his hand was on my wrist. A fucking jolt went up my arm like a burst of lightning. Why the fuck was he touching me?

"Please," he said quietly and gave my wrist a light tug. I looked up to him and his green eyes still weren't angry even though I was glaring at him.

I got up reluctantly and he didn't drop his hold on my wrist even when I was standing. What the fuck was his problem? I wanted to hit him again…but I couldn't. He tugged my wrist again.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked. My voice didn't come out like I wanted it to. I sounded pathetic. Edward gave me an incredulous look and pulled me to the sink. He let go of my hand to turn on the faucet. When he dropped my hand it was like the shock went away instantly. I fucking hated that I missed his hand on my wrist.

He put my hand under the cold water. It felt so fucking good on the burns on my hands but it hurt like hell on the scratches from the glass. I tried to hold back a whimper. Edward was so close to me that I could feel the heat coming off of him. I could smell him and I hated that he smelled like pine trees. I fucking loved pine trees.

Edward started rubbing against my hand and I hissed because of the pain. His touch was even softer after my weak noise of pain. He checked to make sure there was no tiny bits of glass in my palm. He was being so gentle that I felt even guiltier about what I did to him. But then there was anger too. At myself and a little bit at him. A question burst from me before I could stop it.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Edward turned off the water and looked up at me. He didn't answer. He walked out of the kitchen and I felt so stupid for even trying. I was staring at the mess on the floor when he came back. He had some cream in his hand and a wrap or something. I felt even guiltier.

He was rubbing the cream on my hands when he answered me.

"I honestly don't know why I'm being nice to you," he said quietly. It was right then and there that I felt bad for everything that I had ever done to him. He didn't fucking deserve any of it. I was just fucked up. I hated myself for the fucking things I did.

Edward started wrapping the cloth around my right hand. He was careful not to rub against the burns or scratches. I felt words come up and I couldn't stop them from coming out.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said. It didn't sound like me though and I fucking hated how choked up I sounded. I never thought I would be standing here watching Edward fix me. I never thought I would apologize to him. I think he was as shocked as I was; his green eyes were wide as he looked up at me.

"But you still hate me don't you?" he asked. What the hell was I supposed to answer to that? I just fucking apologized to him what more could he want? But I knew that I didn't really hate him as much as I used to. I was fucking messed up this shit. I couldn't answer him and he looked away from me. "I don't understand. I've never hated you and yet you hate me." He sounded so disappointed. The little rock of guilt was moving once again. I hated that I didn't know what to fucking say to Edward. He finished wrapping my left hand and walked away. He disappeared from the kitchen and I heard his door close.

I was furious as hell as I finished cleaning up the floor. The noodles were gooey and cold and there was no fucking cheese. Why the fuck did I even try anymore? I fumbled with the box of cereal but managed to fill up a bowl of Coco Puffs. I felt like a chick that needed chocolate.

I was not fucking moping like a fucking chick though. I apologized to Edward and if he was too stuck up to accept it then that was his own goddamn fault. I plopped back down on the couch and put on some stupid action movie that I could fucking care less about.

I sat there and seethed while I ate. I should've just fucking stayed home. I finished my cereal and lay back on the couch.

I didn't remember falling asleep but I was jerked awake by the front door opening.

"Hi, Edward," a girly voice said.

"Hey, Ali," I heard him say. What the hell was he doing? The walked past the living room. Edward glanced at me and looked away but the girl stared at me.

She was as beautiful as the first time I saw her. I seriously wanted a piece of that ass. How the fuck could she be with someone like Edward? I couldn't fucking understand.

They walked to Edward's room and I heard the door close. I heard the girl giggle and I was back to sitting there seething on the couch. Why the hell was he inviting girls over here like that? If he could do that I could probably see if Lauren wanted to stop by. Maybe I could get a blowjob from her.

_And not get hard again._ Fuck. I didn't think about. Besides I didn't want to see her skanky ass. I gritted my teeth as I heard more giggling from Edward's room. I turned the T.V up louder to drown out their noise.

It was around eleven when I finally turned down the T.V. I didn't hear anything so I figured that they were sleeping. No such luck. I went into Edward's room to see them all cuddled up together on Edward's bed. They were instantly quiet when I came in the room. I tried not to notice that Edward's shirt was off and that the girl was pressed tightly into his chest.

I didn't bother taking off my clothes and putting on pajamas. I just fucking crawled into bed. I knew he was fucking watching me before I even turned around. His green eyes were focused on me above the girl's head. What the hell was he staring at me for? Then he started laughing. Like really laughing.

"Does that tickle?" the girl teased. I gritted my teeth and glared over at his side of the room. Why the fuck couldn't she just leave or shut the hell up so I could sleep? But I was too enwrapped watching the smile on Edward's face. I never got to see him smile like that.

"Yes," he chuckled. But he was looking at me again. Then the girl kissed the underside of his jaw and he hummed as he stared at me.

I couldn't fucking watch that shit anymore. I yanked the blankets off the bed violently and the girl turned around to stare at me. Fucking great. Now I had the both of them staring at me. I took the blankets and went out into the living room. I set up on the floor since the couch was forbidden. I didn't want to be chewed out by Renee when she got home.

I lay down on the floor and cursed because it was so damn hard. How the hell was I supposed to sleep like this? I fumed as I lay there and stared at the ceiling.

_You're just jealous, Jasper._ I hated the little voice in my head. _But of who?_ I ignored that thought and turned on my side. My ribs were fucking aching in no time thanks to the fucking floor. I clenched my fist and my eyes. I was lucky to even manage to fall asleep.

* * *

**~SUNDAY~**

Once again I was woken up by the sound of the front door closing. I glanced at the clock on the DVD player. It was only fucking two in the morning. What the hell was going on?

Through the dark I saw Edward come from the hallway to the front door. Great, he was fucking sneaking his girl out. And he had to fucking wake me up after I went out here? I was mad as hell. I watched Edward stop in front of me.

"Jasper," he said my name quietly. Couldn't he just go back to his room and leave me the fuck alone? "Jasper," he repeated.

"What?" I growled.

"You can come and sleep in my room," I heard him say quietly. I didn't want to go sleep in his room.

_Yes you do._ Okay, yeah, I did. But that's because it was a lot fucking better than sleeping on the damn floor.

"No," I growled and covered my head. I was being petty but I couldn't care less. Edward didn't move.

"I'm not letting you sleep on the floor, Jasper." I groaned.

"Go away," I told him. He was still fucking standing there. I wanted to knock him down so badly but I just laid there.

"Fine, then if you are sleeping on the floor so am I," he said. Yeah right. Let's see his spoiled ass sleep on this hard ass floor. Suddenly he was lying on the floor next to me. I was so shocked that I rolled away and knocked into the coffee table. Fuck, that shit hurt.

"You're so damn stubborn," I groaned in pain. "Ughhh, I fucking hate you," I said more out of pain than anything.

"I know," I heard him mumble. I didn't fucking mean it like that. I somehow felt worse than I already did. He walked into his room and I followed him with my blankets. I immediately dropped onto the futon and covered up.

It felt so much fucking better than lying on the floor that I was almost instantly asleep. But then I remembered something. I didn't even thank Edward for what he did.

"Thank you for fixing my hands," I mumbled. My words were probably half slurred and not understandable. I was just drifting off when I could have sworn him whispering.

"You're welcome, Jasper."

* * *

"C'mon sleepy boys. Breakfast is ready," Renee said cheerily as she burst open the door. I groaned and I heard Edward do the same. Everything that had happened the night before kept flooding back to me. I didn't know what to fucking feel. He got out of bed and stretched. He still hadn't put on a shirt so I was able to see his tattoo again. I don't why but I fucking loved that tattoo. But then he threw on a shirt and the tattoo disappeared. Edward turned around to look at me. I hadn't even made a move to get up. Edward's mouth opened like he wanted to say something but he didn't. He just turned away and walked out the door. What the hell?

_Isn't this what you wanted? To have everything go back to normal._

I don't think I knew what the fuck I wanted anymore. But I smelt the food and I sure in hell needed that. Plates were set up full of food around the bar. The last place left to sit was next to Edward. Fucking perfect.

I immediately dug into my food and my dad and Renee were both staring at me.

"What?" I asked them. I tried not to sound rude but I really hated when they stared at me.

"What happened to your hands?" my dad asked gesturing to the one holding the fork. Fuck, what was I supposed to tell them? I would sound like a fucking idiot.

"I was making dinner and I got burned," I said. They just raised their eyebrows at me.

"So did you two have fun?" Renee asked. Apparently she was talking to me again. Last night? Fun? I snorted and I felt Edward tense up next to me. He probably thought that I was going to rat him out or something. I just shrugged my shoulders. My dad looked smug and I tried not to get angry. He knew exactly how to press my buttons and he knew it.

"So how was your date?" Edward asked next to me. I was so fucking glad that he changed the subject. I didn't want to talk about last night or even think about it.

"It went great," Renee smiled and my dad reached for her hand.

"That's good," Edward mumbled and started eating. No one knew what to say so the rest of breakfast was awkward to say the least. I was happy to get out of there and back to Edward's room. I wasn't happy that Edward fucking came with me. It's okay…only a few hours and then I would be able to go home. No worries.

I covered back up and just stared at the ceiling. There really wasn't much to do. I heard Edward get off his bed and then the door closed. What the hell? Why couldn't he just act normal? He always had to act so fucking weird. I hated that so much.

I was trying to fall asleep when I noticed that my hands were throbbing. Painfully fucking throbbing. I threw back the covers. I was trying to undo the bandages when Edward came back in the room.

"Do you want some help?" he asked quietly. I wanted to say no. I really fucking did. But I didn't. I nodded my head. He walked out of the room probably to get more of that cream. I was fucking right too.

He came over to the futon and kneeled in front of me. My dick twitched in my pajamas at his closeness. That's not all it did though; that little fucker started getting harder than a rock. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. My fucking mind kept conjuring up images of Edward sucking my dick. That's why when Edward looked up from unwrapping my bandages I almost moaned.

I wasn't fucking getting turned on imagining Edward. There was no fucking way. But the evidence was there and there really was no way of getting around it. I fucking gritted my teeth at the things that I was feeling. I needed a distraction.

"Is she your girlfriend?" the question burst out of me. Edward looked up at me with a curious expression. I was probably shocking the hell out of him by talking to him. He started rubbing the cream onto my hands and I could've fucking moaned it felt so good. The cream was soothing the burn and his hands on me….fuck I wasn't even going to finish that thought.

"No. She's my best friend." He said, like it was so simple. I didn't fucking get it. If she was his best friend why did he kiss her? Why the fuck do I even care? No clue. He finished rubbing the cream on my hands and wrapped them up again. He was just standing up when I spoke again.

"How come you don't fucking hate me?" His green eyes stared back at mine for who knows how long. It was actually really fucking weird which was why I was the one to look away first. Then his lips pulled up into a smirk. What the hell?

"I should, shouldn't I?" he asked me. I didn't say anything because we both knew the fucking answer to that. I treated him like shit and he should hate me for it. "I don't hate you, Jasper. I don't hate you at all," he murmured quietly. I glared at him although I was mad at myself. He moved over to his side of the room and sat on his bed. I was so angry at myself and at him for not fucking hating me. How fucking stupid was that? Being mad at someone for not hating you. It was fucking ridiculous. I was off the futon in an instant. Edward flinched and I knew he was thinking of when I hit him. It fucking made me sick to see him cringe before me. I wasn't going to fucking hurt him ever again. I could hate him as much as I fucking wanted but I wasn't going to hurt him. I didn't even know why I was standing. But he was affecting me and I fucking hated it.

I wanted to tell him that he was stupid for not hating me and that I would always fucking hate him. The lies wouldn't come out of my mouth. I wanted to yell and scream but nothing came out. Edward was just staring at me with wide eyes. I sat back on the bed and didn't say anything.

I was still sitting there when my dad came into the room. He looked upset and I was instantly worried. But I wasn't expecting the words that came out of his mouth.

"Jasper," he said and I immediately tensed up. "Your mother's been in a car crash. She's at the hospital right now." I felt like I was frozen, paralyzed. I didn't know what to think. I glanced over at Edward who was staring at me. His green eyes were worried.

"Is she alright?" I asked. My voice cracked.

"They don't know," my dad said. I tried to take a deep breath. "It looks like you're going to stay with us a bit longer," my dad said. I couldn't even get mad about having to spend more time with them. I couldn't think about Edward's eyes on me. I couldn't think about how worried my dad was or what Renee would think. All I could think about was my mom and if she was okay.

If I thought I was fucked up before this was definitely worse. I would take being fucked up than falling apart any day.

* * *

**Again thank you all for your support. I'm really sorry that this chapter is shorter than the others. But, I think I ended it where I needed to. The next update will also be twice as long because it will be from Sunday night to the next weekend. So be looking forward to that. :D**

**As always...leave a review and let me know what you think :D**

**Also...I might possibly be updating early since this is cliffanger-ish and I want to post before two weeks. It's possible :D**

**.Me**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thank you tremendously for everyone who voted yesterday and today! Most of you really didn't care what I did as long as I posted soon...but I felt it was better to do it this way. This chapter is Sunday night-Wednesday. It's also almost 10K so I hope you guys like the longer chapter. All together it would've been too much. So...that being said I hope you all like it! It's a bit angsty, I will let you know that. This chapter is also close to me because I've been through similar to Jasper.**

**Thank you to all of the people reading this! This is for you. :D**

*** Also...I am planning on updating this Friday, or at least this coming weekend so watch out!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine and I'm not Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 4: That Time I Stayed For a Week (Part 1)**

**SUNDAY (night cont..)**

* * *

"Are you okay, Jasper?" I heard my dad asked. I couldn't even get pissed off at him for asking such a stupid question. I just shook my head.

"Can we go see her?" I heard this strange voice ask. I didn't sound like me; it sounded like a scared little kid.

"Not tonight, son. They'll call if anything changes," my dad said quietly. I just closed my eyes and tried to comprehend what was happening. But I couldn't. I couldn't fucking feel anything.

I heard my dad sigh and leave the room but I just sat there on the edge of the bed staring at the carpet. All the walls I had built around me were crumbling down and I had no clue how to stop it. I slid off the edge of the bed and sat on the floor. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms. I was so fucking vulnerable that it scared me. This was my way of hiding from everything from around me, but it was still out there. It was always fucking there.

As I sat there, both overwhelmed with so much feeling and numb, I couldn't help thinking about my mom. I regretted every bad thing that I had ever said to her. I fucking regretted everything. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, how much I needed her.

Why did this happen to her? What if…. No, that wasn't going to happen. Things were going to be okay. Every time I told myself that I would start to tremble and shake. I was so fucking weak and I couldn't change it. I was no longer the strong, invulnerable kid that everyone knew. Right then I was the scared little kid.

I could feel his eyes on me before I even glanced up. I was too overwhelmed by the news of my mom to be angry at him. I lifted my head and glanced at him. Sure enough he was staring at me. And I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel angry or weirded out by him. I felt nothing.

I buried my face back in my arms. Tears sprang to my eyes but I sure as hell wasn't going to let them go. I wasn't going to cry. I hadn't cried in forever and I wasn't going to now.

I must've fallen asleep and stretched out on the floor because the next thing I remembered was someone shaking me. Edward. What the hell?

"What?" my voice was gravelly but at least it didn't sound weak like before.

"You shouldn't sleep on the floor," he murmured.

"I'm fine," I mumbled back at him and curled up into a ball. The futon sounded a lot better than this damn floor. I could feel kinks in the muscles in my neck and back.

"C'mon, Jasper," Edward said softly. I gave in.

Edward's hands were so gentle and warm that they were a shock through the numbness I was feeling. I couldn't believe that he was doing this. I wanted to be mad at him; I wanted to yell and scream at him. But I didn't. I wasn't myself. I didn't know if I would ever be okay.

* * *

**MONDAY**

When I opened my eyes I was shocked to see that I was in Edward's room. It was Monday. What the fuck was I doing here? I suddenly remembered what had happened. Mom.

I jumped out of bed so quickly that I was stumbling on my feet.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked across the room. I didn't answer him or even look at him as I made my way out of the room. I rushed to the kitchen to find my dad.

"Have you heard anything? Did they call?" I asked quickly. My dad just stared at me. I just wanted him to answer the damn question. He shook his head and Renee placed her hand on top of his. "Can we go see her?" I sounded desperate. I guess I was. I just needed to see her so fucking badly. I needed to see her breathing, alive.

"Yes." My dad said. As soon as that one word was out of his mouth I was dashing out of the room. I was shaking and it made it hard for me not to stumble but I couldn't have cared less. Once I made it to my clothes I just stared putting on whatever was the cleanest. I didn't even care that Edward was probably watching me get dressed. I had no time for that. I left the room without even glancing at him.

I was anxious in the car ride there. What was she going to look like? What were the doctors going to say? What the fuck was going to happen? I could barely sit still because I was so damn agitated.

We got to the hospital in record time. But the nurses wouldn't let us in so we were stuck in the waiting room. Dad stepped outside to make a few calls but I hardly noticed his absence.

I sat in the waiting room and tried not to look at anything. I hated waiting rooms. All that surrounded me was sadness and hurt which didn't make things any better. I didn't want to be here. Why did this have to happen to me? To my mom?

Dad comes back in even more flustered than when he left.  
"They won't let me take the day off," he growled.

"Then quit," I suggested. What kind of job wasn't going to let you miss a day for something like this? That was fucking unbelievable.

"You know I can't," he sighed. "We need the money." Sure. Those were just excuses. He didn't want to face what was happening. Maybe he didn't even care. He obviously didn't care when he left so why would he care now?

I was being irrational but I didn't fucking care. I was the one left sitting in the waiting room to deal with all of this, not him. He left and I was all by myself.

I watched many people come and go. I had nothing to distract myself except for the stupid shows that were playing on t.v. It didn't help. The more I sat there the more overwhelmed I felt.

Why weren't they letting me see her? Why wouldn't they tell me anything? Every hour or so I would check with the receptionist to see if I could go in yet. Each time she told me know I got even more worried and freaked out.

For once in my life I prayed. I don't know why I never did. Probably because I didn't really believe in God. I didn't fucking know. But I prayed, or I guess you could say that it was more like bargaining.

_Please God, make sure that my mom is okay. I'll do anything. Anything. I'll go to school and try. I'll be a nicer person. I'll even be nice to Edward. Just please. Just this once help me. I'll never ask you for anything else. I promise. _

I felt stupid thinking the words but I tried to believe. I wanted to fucking believe. I truly did. I went up to the receptionist one more time and it was another no.

I had sat there for what felt like forever when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I had almost forgot that I had my phone with me.

_Where are you at?- Emmett_

Dang. I had almost forgotten that there was school today. But real life still went on even when bad things were happening. I was going to text him where I was but putting what happened into words would make it feel real. But reality was coming like an unstoppable train. I put my phone away. I could always text him later.

I was shoving my phone in my front pocket when I heard the receptionist call my name. Fucking finally! I flew out of the chair and was up to the window in a matter of seconds.

"Which room?" I asked hurriedly.

"297" she said and the door opened for me. I walked as quickly as I could past the rooms. I followed the arrows on the walls that directed people to the right room numbers. I felt like it was taking me too long to find the room but I turned the corner and saw that it was just up ahead.

It was suddenly hard for me to breathe. What was I going to see when I went in that room? How bad were things going to be? Nothing prepared me for what I was about to see.

She was almost unrecognizable in the bed that she was lying on. Her face was covered in bandages and one of her arms was in a cast. The only way I could tell it was her was by her hair; the rest of her was covered in bruises and scrapes.

Tears automatically sprang to my eyes as I stood there looking at her. All the walls that I had ever built were crumbling around me. I was vulnerable, so fucking vulnerable. I hated it.

I came up to my mom's side and grabbed her hand. It was so lifeless. Images came to my mind of her never painting again. I bit my lip so hard that it started bleeding. I was not going to cry. That's the one thing that I would never do.

I was still fighting back tears when a nurse came into the room.

"Oh!" she gasped holding a hand to her chest. She must not have realized that I was here. Once she had calmed down she came over to me. "Are you family?" she asked. I nodded. "Her son?" she guessed and once again I nodded. I looked away for a moment because I couldn't stand seeing the pity in her eyes. I fucking hated being pitied.

"When will she wake up?" I asked her. They must have given my mom pain medication or some heavy sleeping drugs.

"It's not when, it's an _if,_" she said quietly.

"What do you mean _if_?" I snapped. I wasn't really angry I was just trying to cover up how scared I was.

"We don't know if she will wake up. She's had a serious concussion that has put her in a coma. If she doesn't wake up by the end of the week it doesn't look like she will live," the nurse said softly.

I felt paralyzed but at the same time I needed to get out of the room as fast as I possibly could. I couldn't sit there and look at my mom with the nurse's words repeating in my head. It was too much.

I through myself out of the room and made it to the hallway before I became too weak enough to walk. I fell to my knees and I felt my stomach try to empty itself but nothing came out. No tears came either. No feeling, nothing. I couldn't take this anymore. I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my head in my arms.

I could still hear the sounds of the hospital around me- the beeping, nurses walking by, phones ringing. I concentrated on breathing and tried not to think about anything else.

I had never felt as alone as I did then. I wasn't the tough, badass Jasper that everyone knew. I was the scared little kid Jasper. I was alone. I was scared. I was lost.

The only way I knew I had fallen asleep was that I could feel the cold, hard floor beneath me. My side was aching from lying on it but I didn't move. I just kept my eyes closed and listened to the sounds around me. I wondered why no one paid any attention to me lying there on the floor. I really wanted to know what time it was and see when my dad was coming back.

"Jasper," I heard someone call my name. What the hell was he doing here? My eyes immediately snapped open but I didn't see him. I sat up and realized that he was sitting at the end of my feet. I slid away from him because he was closer than I expected. I wanted to snap at him and ask him why he was here. I mean, this wasn't his fucking problem. I opened my mouth to tell him exactly that when he raised his hand with a bag of takeout food. "You should probably eat," he suggested quietly and averted his eyes.

I hadn't realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day. I wasn't even hungry though; I felt sick to my stomach and I didn't think that I could hold down any sort of food. I almost snapped at him that I didn't want the damn food but then he said the one word that just about killed me.

"Please," he whispered. How the hell was I supposed to say no when he was acting like this? I grabbed the food away from him and look in the bag. A burger and some fries. Normally I would jump at the chance to eat food like this but I had to force myself to eat. I concentrated on chewing and avoided Edward's eyes. I didn't want to see if his eyes were full of pity like the nurse's. The only place I had to look was at the rooms across from me and at the nurses walking by. My eyes kept drifting to my mom's room and that made it even harder to eat.

I finished less than half of the food before I gave up. But without the distracting of eating I had nowhere to focus my attention but on Edward. The question came out like word vomit. There was no stopping it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. I could hardly hear my own voice but I knew that he heard it because he was staring at me. I didn't know what he was going to say and I really hated that I had even asked the question.

"I brought stuff to help with your hands," he explained. I felt myself release a breath that I had been holding. Somehow I felt a little disappointed at his answer. I had completely forgotten about my hands. They weren't hurting and even if they were I doubted that I would notice or care. I was staring at the bandages on my hands when he spoke again. "I also wanted to see if you were okay."

The little rocks were rolling in my stomach again. What the hell was wrong with me? I looked away from him as I felt my face heat up. Those few little words had the power to make me feel like this? But what was I even feeling? I had no fucking clue.

I watched the nurses walking by intently. I tried looking at everything except Edward. But that didn't work. I found myself staring at him while he watched people walk by. His shaggy black hair was partially covering his face so I really couldn't see his eyes. I felt like things were completely switched. I wasn't supposed to be the one staring at him. This was so fucking weird. Suddenly Edward glanced over at me and I felt my face heat up again. He had just caught me staring at him. Fuck. He didn't meet my eyes for long; he looked down and I watched as he bit his lip.

My eyes were immediately trained on that bottom lip that his teeth were biting into. Crazy thoughts started running through my head. I wanted to be the one biting his lip, not him. No! There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I was just acting weird because of the circumstances that I was in. So, it really didn't mean anything. That's what I told myself anyway.

We sat in silence and I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to break it. I didn't want to embarrass myself even further. I also didn't want to think any more of those crazy thoughts.

"So are you going to stay the night here?" he asked. What kind of question was that? I wasn't going to fucking leave my mom like this. I wished that I had been here the night before.

"Yes," I snapped at him. He flinched and looked away. I felt bad but I wasn't going to apologize. That was a stupid question. If his mom was in the hospital he sure as hell wasn't just going to leave.

I just needed to be alone. Or as alone as I could get in a hospital full of people. Having Edward there made me feel weird. Not uncomfortable, just weird.

"Don't you have any homework to do or something?" I asked. I knew I was being rude and probably hurting his feelings but was I didn't think there was a nice way to tell him to leave me alone. Edward just shrugs and stands up. He sets a new set of bandages and some cream on the floor next to me. Suddenly, I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay with me so that way I didn't have to face this alone. But I couldn't just tell him to stay after I basically just told him to get lost. Edward didn't even look at me as he started walking away.

I reached out and tugged on his jeans before he could get any further. I really ended up just grabbing his leg because I couldn't really get a hold on his jeans. Fucking skinny jeans. I resisted rolling my eyes. Edward turned back around and his eyes were wary.

"Thank you," I told him as I looked up at him. He looked shocked. I supposed he had a reason to. I had told him "sorry" the day before and now "thank-you?" He must think I was fucking nuts. Maybe I was….

Edward nodded and walked away. What the fuck? No "your welcome?" I glared at his back as he walked down the hallway. My anger was irrational and I felt like I had no reason to be angry. But I did have a reason; I wanted him to stay.

Dad showed up a little after Edward left. There wasn't much to say. His work wasn't going to let him have any days off and he was furious about it. But underneath his fury I could see how much this was hurting him too. I felt bad for thinking that he didn't care. It was obvious he did as he sat there next to me trying to hold back tears of his own. I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay but neither of us knew that for sure.

Every minute that my mom didn't wake up I felt myself getting closer and closer to falling apart. I felt like I was on the edge of some cliff and I had no control over whether I fell off or not. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I didn't know if I would ever be the same after this….

* * *

**TUESDAY**

I didn't get much sleep as I sat in the room that my mom was in. Every time a nurse came in to check on my mom I was jolted awake. But each time I felt the same disappointment when I realized that the nurse was only doing her routine; it wasn't that my mom was awake. Each time she saw me she gave me this look that made me want to hit something and also cry my eyes out.

That being said, I wasn't in the best mood when my dad walked into the room and told me I had to leave. I didn't want to leave. What if something happened while I was gone? I was fucking pissed at my dad for making me leave. It shouldn't have been his decision. We argued all the way down to the car. Then it was silent. I crossed my arms over my chest and didn't say another word to him.

We got to the house and before I had time to get out of the car my dad was talking to me. I didn't want to hear what he had to say but apparently I was forced to listen. Just like I was forced to leave. It was fucking ridiculous.

"Jasper, being there all day isn't going to change anything." He said softly. I gritted my teeth against the words that were screaming to get out. "I love you, Jasper. We are going to get through this. Just don't make it harder than it has to be." I slammed the door before I said something that I would regret. He drove away and I went into the house. Well, I guess I had the whole damn house to myself since my dad and Renee were at work. And Edward….on the couch?

"What are you doing here? Are you skipping?" The questions slipped out of my mouth in shock.

"It's a school improvement day," he said with a slight smirk on his face. I felt my face go red in anger. I was mad at my dad and now at Edward. I stormed out of the room and into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and got in.

I let the hot water run over my skin and tried to clear my mind. I washed my skin with a vengeance like I could wash away all of the problems I had. I guess things weren't that simple. I was washing my hair when I realized that I was using Edward's hair stuff. Great. Now I was going to fucking smell like him. My cock started to get hard and I growled. I instantly turned the water to cold and hissed when it touched my heated skin. Oh well. I couldn't deal with this shit, not today.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. I made my way down the hall to Edward's room. I had my fingers crossed and hoped that he wasn't in there. I sighed in relief when he wasn't in there. I made my way over to my overnight bag and started ruffling through it.

"I have no clean clothes!" I growled in frustration. I had only had my clothes for Sunday besides the ones I was wearing on Saturday when I came. I threw the clothes down when all I wanted to do was hit something. I was beyond frustrated.

I was still breathing angrily when he came into the room. It pissed me off even more. Here I was in a damn towel and he had to come in here. For what fucking reason? I heard him going through his dresser or some shit and suddenly there was a pair of jeans along with a pair of underwear thrown at me.

"I don't need your damn clothes!" I snapped. I pulled on the cleanest of my two pairs of underwear and slipped on a pair of my own jeans. I turned around to face him and threw his clothes back at him. His jaw was clenched like he was angry.

"I understand what you are going through but you don't need to take this out on me," he said softly but anger was laced in his voice.

"You have no fucking clue what I'm going through," I seethed. How dare he try to even fathom what I'm going through? It took al I had to stay seated where I was and not storm out of the room. But I couldn't. Especially not after Edward's reaction. I had finally pushed a fucking button with him.

"I know exactly what you're going through! My dad died from his car accident. So don't tell me that I don't know how you're feeling right now," he said. He wasn't yelling or anything but his words still affected me. But I wasn't angry anymore, no that I wasn't. I felt fucking ashamed.

Edward sat down on the floor and rested his back against his bed. I didn't know what to say. I was bringing up what happened to his dad. I was a dick, plain and simple. Only this time I didn't know how to fix it. Sorry wasn't going to change anything, not this time. I glanced at Edward to see that he was staring at me intently. I looked away and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I wanted to walk out of the room and forget that all of this ever happened. But I didn't. I couldn't. I would say I hated it but I didn't.

"How did you get over it?" I asked giving in.

"I didn't," he whispered. "I don't know if I ever will."

I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what could happen to my mom. She was going to live. Wasn't she?

"I don't want you to lose your mom, Jasper," he said staring at me from across the room. His green eyes were bright but they held this weird softness that I had never seen before.

"I'm scared," I admitted. It was a hard thing to admit to.

"I know," he said simply. I was angry once again. I felt like he was mocking me. I had just admitted something like that to him and he had to say something like that? I started to get up but Edward started talking and I paused even though I didn't want to.

"I was scared when they called my mom on the phone. I didn't know what to think when she told me what happened to my dad. We rushed to the hospital but when we got there he was already gone." I sat back down on the futon and folded my legs underneath me. " I felt like I was numb for weeks. I couldn't feel anything and I didn't care. But once I got past the numbness all I could feel was pain and sadness. That's when I got my tattoo."

My thoughts strayed from his story as I thought about the tattoo that I had seen only twice. I also remembered touching his smooth skin and the reactions I had. Fuck, don't think about that now.

"I got it to remember my dad but also because I could feel the pain. But I wasn't ever the same after that. I decided that I couldn't be sad and angry forever. I remember the good things about him. But it always hurts a little to remember. It will always hurt to know that I won't ever see him again. I'd do anything to see him again," he trailed off. He was no longer looking at me and I felt like I was intruding somehow.

"But one thing I learned through all of that was not to push away the ones that were there for me. I wouldn't have made it if not for them," he said as he stood. It seemed like his green eyes were boring into mine and I had to look away. What was he saying? Don't push away my dad? He was the only one who cared for me.

Edward left the room and I was left alone with my thoughts. I was fucking antsy as hell. I laid down and fished out my phone. I wanted to call my dad and beg him to let me go back to the hospital. I wanted to see my mom. After hearing Edward's story I at least wanted to say goodbye to her. I decided that I was going to call him.

As soon as I turned on my phone there was a million and a half new messages waiting for me. It was really only thirty. It was mostly Emmett and my other friend Tyler asking where I was. They were worried, or they just wanted someone to party with. I got a couple from Lauren asking where I was and if I was ready to hook up or not. I grimaced. I sure as hell didn't want to go through that again.

I deleted all of my messages and called my dad. I wasn't allowed through to talk to him since he was "busy". Even when I told him that it was his son, Jasper, they said that he couldn't come to the phone. I was fucking pissed off at him. He acted like all of this wasn't a big deal. It was a huge deal.

I turned off my phone and threw it on top of my pile of dirty clothes. Shit. I needed to go to the house and get some fresh clothes. Maybe it would be better than spending the day here….But how was I going to get there? I couldn't exactly walk all the way across town.

I walked out of the room to see Edward sitting on the couch watching t.v. I was nervous about asking him anything since I had yelled at him before. I doubted he wanted to do anything for me. But it was worth a try.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked. My voice sounded weird and I cringed. I sounded like a fucking pansy. Edward's head snapped over to me. His eyes were wide.

"Yeah?" he asked once he got over his shock of me coming out here to talk to him. I wanted to roll my eyes but I stopped myself.

"I was wondering if you could give me a ride to my place so that way I could get some clean clothes. I mean, you offered yours but you're a bit smaller than me and I might not fit in them…" I felt like an idiot standing there babbling. Then Edward smiled and let out a little chuckle.

"Sure," he said shutting off the t.v. Wow, that was too fucking easy. We jumped in his car and we were on the way to my house.

Edward played decent music in the car as we drove to my house. He even sang along which was kind of awkward but entertaining. His voice sounded good with the music too. I didn't understand why he was acting so carefree with me. I mean, I had acted horrible to him practically since the day I had met him.

Once we arrived to my house I felt the butterflies hit my stomach. Not the good butterflies either. I felt like I was going to get sick as I opened the door to my house. I told Edward he could come with me since I didn't know how long I would be. The last time he had been at the house I had screamed at him. The last time he had been here I had hated him. I was pretty sure I didn't hate him, not anymore.

I felt strange being there. The absence of my mom was obvious. Seeing her paintings and all her little things around the house was like a stab in the gut. She was going to be okay…she was going to be okay. That was my new mantra. I tried not to look at anything on my way to my room because everything reminded me of her.

I started throwing random clothes into a bag. I couldn't care less what clothes I would be wearing. I just wanted to get in and out as fast as I possibly could. I felt so overwhelmed there. I was shaking so badly that it was hard to stuff the clothes in the bag.

"You okay, Jasper?" Edward asked from the doorway. I wanted to be mad that he was looking in my room, that he was in my personal space. I just didn't care.

"No," I said shakily. I moved past him out of my room. "She's everywhere." I said to myself as I walked to the front door with Edward trailing behind me. We were in the car and heading back to my dad's house before Edward said anything.

"I know it was hard to be in there, Jasper," he said. I nodded but I felt more at ease in the car. It was just being in the house…without her. It was so unlively, so unwelcome. "If I had known that it was going to be that bad for you I would've told you to just squeeze into my clothes and deal with it," Edward blurted out. His entire face got red and it made me think that he didn't want to say that out loud. Maybe he had a blurting problem like me.

I watched as he concentrated on his driving with a red face while he bit his lip. I couldn't imagine myself trying to fit into a pair of one of his skinny jeans. I burst our laughing at the thought. I laughed and laughed until I almost on the verge of tears. I sighed and then realized that I never thought that I would be laughing at a time like this. But it felt so damn good to just laugh. I felt marginally better although my thoughts still strayed to my mom.

We made it to the house and I was much calmer. I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and ate something before lounging on the couch. Edward disappeared into his room and I was thankful. I didn't know how much of this together time I could take with him. It wasn't a bad thing. It was just different and weird. Which made my feelings even crazier than they already were. I laid down on the couch and tried to get comfortable. I was really tired after not getting much sleep at the hospital. I didn't understand how I could sleep period; I was too fucking anxious. I wasn't going to get much sleep anyway because my dad and Renee walked through the door less than ten minutes later.

I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep so that way they wouldn't bother me. It wasn't like they were going to bother me anyway. Since Sunday night I felt like I had been treated like a small animal. They were both tiptoeing around me making sure that they didn't say anything that would upset me.

Renee noticed that I was sleeping and shushed my dad as they went into the kitchen. I could still hear them though so it wasn't like it made that much of a difference.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Renee asked my dad. Great. Now they were going to start talking about me. I fucking hated when people did that.

"I don't know," my dad sounded upset. "What if she doesn't make it? I don't know what to do. I don't know how he'll take it, and if he's acting like this…." He trailed off. Acting like what? How the fuck were you supposed to act when your mom was in the hospital with her life at stake? I didn't think I was taking everything that bad.

_Right, Jasper. Yelling at everyone? All the pent-up anger and frustration? Yeah, you're taking this so well._

Okay, maybe I wasn't. Maybe they were right.

"I just want to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But I can't even talk to him. He's so angry and I don't want to upset him even more. I don't even know what to say to him!" my dad sounded so broken that I hated myself for putting him through all of this. I didn't want to be angry at him, but I didn't know how to deal with this any other way.

_You're protecting yourself from getting hurt. _

"It'll be okay, sweetie," I heard Renee murmur. I knew that if I looked into the kitchen that he would be holding her. Just like my dad wanted to hold me…..I didn't know if I could handle all of that emotional bullshit. "Maybe I could have Edward talk to him," Renee suggested. I wanted to snort but then they would know that I was awake in listening.

"No, he's still struggling as it is. I don't think we should bring it up at all to him." Shit. Were they saying that Edward was not as okay as he told me? And he brought up what happened to his dad to tell me. I fucking wished that he would just stop being nice to me and making me feel so guilty. He needed to just ignore me. It was better for him that way.

"You're right," Renee sighed. "I just don't want Jasper to go through the same thing that Edward did." Did this mean that she cared about me? As much as Edward? I felt a lump get stuck in my throat. She shouldn't be worrying about me; she had enough on her plate with Edward.

I yawned really loudly and sat up. I ran my hand through my hair to make it look like I had been sleeping.

"So you're awake now?" my dad asked as he came in the room. What was with all of these stupid questions? I bit my lip so I couldn't snap at him. I told myself I wasn't going to fight with anymore. Not after hearing him so upset about all of this.

My dad obviously knew that it was a stupid question too because he looked away quickly. He sat on the end of the couch by my feet and fixed his eyes on the t.v screen. I couldn't help staring at him as he focused ahead of him. He looked so tired and worn down.

I wanted him to be able to talk to me. I didn't want to things so tense between us anymore. But it was. He glanced over at me and I looked away. I felt like he was checking to see if I was still there, to see if I was okay.

I got off the couch and went to the bathroom. I didn't know why I couldn't sit there anymore, I just couldn't. I didn't want to go back either. There was nothing to say on both of our ends. And all I kept hearing in my mind was his conversation with Renee.

I went to Edward's room after I was finished in the bathroom. I flopped face down on the futon and glanced over at Edward. His eyes darted to me before going back to the Manga he was reading while listening to whatever music was plugged in his ears.

Part of me wanted him to stop what he was doing and talk to me since he was the only one who knew what I was going through. But he had already told me his story and I knew it must've been hard for him so I wasn't going to ask him anything else.

My eyes kept coming back to him on the other side of the room. He was mouthing the lyrics to whatever song he was listening to. I felt my eyes train on his lips for the second time in the last two days. This wasn't me! Why was I feeling like this then? Why did I keep looking at him like this? He was a _boy. _I could understand staring at a girl's lips. But his?

"Dinner time!" Renee shouted from the kitchen. I got up but Edward didn't hear her. I walked over to him but he didn't even glance up at me. What was so fucking interesting about Manga anyway?

I reached out and pulled an earbud out. He finally turned to look at me.

"It's time to eat," I told him and then walked away. I was too freaked out. My hand had brushed his shoulder when I had taken the earbuds out, but that's not why I was freaked out. It felt my whole arm was a live wire.

We sat down at the table and "pretended" everything was okay when it wasn't. Renee and my dad made up most of the conversation. Then suddenly my dad realized that I was wearing clean clothes.

"You went back to the house?" he asked me. He looked shocked and I had no fucking clue why. I mean, I needed clothes. Maybe he knew how bad I was going to react going in there…..

"Yeah," I said and things were tense. " I couldn't exactly fit in Edward's skinny jeans," I added trying to break the tension. Edward choked on his food next to me and I felt myself smirk a little. Renee and my dad exchanged this weird look but I hardly noticed. Edward stared at me for a moment with this half smile on his face but that's not caught my attention. I saw his eyes darken before they returned back to his plate of food.

I couldn't eat most of my dinner. Except for my little outburst the rest of the dinner was tense. I was thinking about my mom. I wanted to call the hospital and see if anything changed but my dad had already done that. I wanted to call and check for myself but I didn't. The numbness overcame me that night and I couldn't sleep once again. Edward's story, Renee and my dad's conversation, and thoughts of my mom kept me tossing and turning all night.

* * *

**WEDNESDAY**

I was pacing the living room waiting for the phone to ring. I had already called the hospital twice checking to see if anything had happened with my mom. They told me the same thing- nothing had changed. Then I had tried to get a hold of my dad to ask if I could go over to the hospital. I would've just left but I didn't want my dad to get even more upset. So, I was waiting for him to call me back. He didn't.

I waited all morning and into the beginning hours into the afternoon. I was starting to get pissed. Why the hell wasn't he able to call me back? He couldn't take two minutes away from work to call me? I was left in a house by myself angry and upset with nothing to do.

I tried watching t.v but all that was on were these sad movies that made things even worse. They reminded me of what was going on so I just turned the damn thing off. That's why I was outside.

I sat on the porch in the cold. I was only wearing a skimpy t-shirt but I really didn't care. I just let the cold numb me. But the cold couldn't numb my thoughts.

I had done so much damn thinking over the past few days that you would think that I would have nothing left to think about. But I did. I thought about what Edward said and also what Renee said. What if the worst happened to my mom? If Edward went through all of that at least I wasn't alone, but I didn't want to change and be numb forever. I was scared, so fucking scared of what would happen to my mom if she didn't wake up in the next few days.

I remembered the dream I had had the night before when I was able to get a bit of sleep.

_"Dad, please don't go!" I cried. I was thirteen and my dad was packing his bags and walking out the door. _

_"Charlie! Don't do this to us!" My mom said sternly. I couldn't understand why she wasn't crying. _

_"It's for the best. You know that," he told my mom. What was for the best? How could leaving us help us any? I didn't understand…_

_"No, it's not. Stay, Charlie. Stay for me or at least for Jasper," my mom told him. She was starting to fall apart. My dad had never made my mom cry. I really hated my dad right then. He was leaving us and he was making my mom cry; I don't think I could ever forgive him. _

_"I can't," my dad whispered. He acted like this was hurting him too. If it was hurting him why didn't he just stay? "I love you, both of you. I have to go," he said quietly. I felt the tears falling on my face and I didn't care that I was thirteen and crying. He patted my shoulder and then he was gone._

_I was sobbing and begging him to stay. I yelled at him as he got in the car. But he left. He didn't even turn around and look at me. He was just gone. _

_I was still staring at the spot where his car was and crying when my mom came up behind me. She wrapped her arms around me. I swiveled in her embrace and she hugged me tightly._

_"Please, don't leave me," I begged her between sobs and gasps. _

_"I won't, Jasper," she promised me through tears of her own. "I won't ever leave you."_

That dream wasn't really even a dream. It was a memory. Just thinking about it was like someone taking a knife and stabbing me in my gut. She promised me that she would never leave and now she might.

I felt my eyes begin to water. Between thinking about Edward and my dream it became too much. I felt my eyes begin to water. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop the tears this time. But I wasn't going to fall apart out here. Not where everyone could see.

I stumbled into the house and made it to Edward's room before I collapsed on the floor. It was dark except for the light coming from the doorway.

I pulled my knees up and buried my face in my arms. I was sobbing and crying just like I was thirteen again. Only this time instead of losing my dad I was losing my mom. I sobbed and cried and I felt so weak. The tears kept coming and I couldn't stop them. I cried for everything. For my mom, dad, even Edward and what he went through.

I was still crying when he showed up. I didn't notice him until my tears slowed and I was wiping off my cheeks. I knew my face was red and tear stained but I didn't think anyone would ever see me like this. Fuck, I never thought I would ever cry again. It had been years since I had.

He was just standing there watching me. I felt my face go up in flames. First it was from embarrassment but then it was from anger. I was weak and vulnerable and lashing out and screaming was the only way I knew how to protect myself.

"What the fuck are you doing? You're just going to stand there and watch me?" I yelled at him. I watched Edward open his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I stormed past him before he could say anything. I went in the bathroom and slammed the door. My face was red like I excepted. I washed my face but my eyes were still a little bit swollen. I needed to fucking get out of here. If I stayed any longer I knew that I might possibly hurt Edward. I know I said that I would never hit him again but this was definitely pushing it. Who the hell stands there and watches someone cry?

_You're just emebarrassed._

I ignored that thought and left the bathroom. I walked as quickly as I could to the front door.

"Jasper!" Edward called after me. I kept on walking even though there was a voice in the back of my head telling me to go back.

I walked around aimlessly. My anger died down and I couldn't help feeling foolish. I was still upset about him just standing there and watching me though. Who the fuck does that? Apparently Edward.

I just wanted things to go back to normal. Back before my mom got in the car accident, and before Edward. I was tired of feeling like this. I needed to be myself again without any of this holding me back. I didn't want to feel vulnerable anymore.

I was still walking when I heard a car pull up beside me. Fuck. It better not be Edward. I glanced at the car out of the corner of my eye. Nope, not him. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to see who was inside the car. It was Alice. Edward's "friend."

"Jasper!" I heard her call. I walked closer to the car and she put it in park.

"Hi," I muttered to her. I doubted that she could here me. I felt my face heat up and I knew that my eyes were probably still swollen. I was a fucking mess.

"Here, why don't you jump in? It's cold," she said. Oh, I had forgotten that it was cold out. I jumped in the car and she rolled up the window. "So whatcha doing around here?" she asked. Was she always so..chipper?

"I'm staying at my dad's for a few days," I mumbled.

"Why?" she asked. Did she not have any boundaries? I felt like I needed to tell someone, someone outside Edward, my dad, and Renee. "My mom was in the car accident and she is in the hospital," I told her. Her smile slipped off her face instantly.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." She looked down in her lap.

"No, it's okay," I said. She just nodded.

"So why are you are walking around?" Fuck. How was I supposed to explain that? "C'mon, you can tell me," she said with this adorable little expression. I guess I could tell her. It's not like it would hurt anything.

"Edward," I said simply. Her eyebrows raised like she wanted me to continue. "I was…a little overwhelmed this afternoon and I was crying. Well, I glanced up and Edward was there staring at me. I snapped and then I left." The whole story sounded pathetic even to my ears.

Alice didn't say anything and I was worried that I had hurt her feelings. I mean, he was her "friend" after all.

"He really cares about you, you know," she told me. Where in the hell did that come from?

"How can he possibly care about me after all of the things I've done to him? He should hate me just like I hate him!" I exclaimed. I heard the lies like I knew she did. I didn't hate him. I might've at first. I don't think I've hated him since that day he told me about his tattoo.

"You don't hate him," she said softly. I knew that she was going to say that but I snapped. I didn't want to hear what I already knew and I hated that she just jumped to that conclusion.

"How can you say that I don't hate him? You don't even know me!" I snapped. She flinched and looked away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you," I muttered.

"You don't hate him because if you did you wouldn't have shown up at my house in the middle of the night to apologize. You care about him too. Maybe you should stop hiding it." My teeth were clenched and I tried not to say anything. Alice just gave me a small smile. Her phone rang breaking the tense silence.

"Hey Edward," she said as she answered the phone. Fuck. "Sure, I can come get you," she said. "Kay, I'll be there in a minute!" she said and closed the phone.

She drove me back to the house and my stomach was full of nerves as I got out of the car. I didn't know what was going to happen when I saw Edward. I opened the door and Edward was standing right there. I walked past him and tried to get away from him as fast as I could.

"Jasper!" he called. "Can I explain?" he shouted after me.

"No!" I said as I slammed the bathroom door and locked it. It was the only place in the house that he couldn't get in. I heard him come up to the door and knock on it. I didn't say anything.

"You want to know what I was doing standing there, Jasper?" Edward said loudly. I was a little shocked. I had never seen him this worked up. "I was trying to figure out what I could do to help you, to make you feel better. I was wondering if you would hurt me if I tried to hug you! I was just trying to be your friend. But obviously it isn't worth trying anymore is it? I feel so stupid to even think we could be friends. Not even that- just to have a normal conversation. I give up, okay? I'm sorry I even tried." I could hear him walk away and seconds later I heard the front door shut. I was staring at myself in the mirror trying to understand what just happened.

Edward's words kept repeating themselves in my head. He thought I was going to hurt him if he hugged me? Fuck, this was all so screwed up. No, actually I was the one who was screwed up. Once again I had pushed away another person who was trying to help me. But normally I didn't feel like this. I didn't feel disappointed when they left. I sure as hell did now. I was so disappointed and angry with myself that it was unbelievable. I spent all this time angry at other people when it was really all of my fault.

But this was what I wanted all along wasn't it? I wanted Edward to leave me alone, to ignore me. Why didn't I feel relieved then? Why did I wish he was still there? I told myself that I had no fucking clue. But I did.

_You care about him._

I met my dad at the hospital later on. Nothing had changed with my mom. I felt my heart drop a little more each day she didn't wake up. We only had a few days left and the chances of her living were dwindling in front of my eyes.

Dad and I glanced at each other as we sat in the two chairs in my mom's room. We didn't know what to say to each other and it was awkward. His phone rang and we both jumped.

"Hi, sweetie," he answered. I rolled my eyes and tried not to remember when he used to call my mom that. "He's not? Where did he go?" he glanced at me. Fuck, I guess Edward didn't go back home.

"Alice," I mumbled and he told Renee.

"Yeah, that's fine. Mhmm, we'll be home soon," he sighed. "Love you too." He hung up his phone and looked at me.

"Why is he with Alice?" he asked me. I fucking hated how he assumed everything was my fault. It usually was but still.

"I fucked up," I muttered. My dad nodded in understanding.

"Are you going to fix it?" he asked quietly. We both glanced at my mom and I knew the same words were running through our minds.

_Some things you can't fix._

"I don't know if I can," I mumbled quietly.

"Are you going to try?" he asked. I nodded. I wanted to fix things with Edward but I was pretty sure they were unfixable.

I stayed at the hospital that night. I didn't sleep. I prayed that Edward hadn't really given up and that my mom wouldn't give up either.

* * *

**I'm anxious to know what you all think! Leave a review! **

**.Me**


	6. Chapter 4 part 2

**Yes! I know, I know. I promised that Friday and I am completely sorry! It's been more than a month now and trust me I am not happy with it. I would try to give you an excuse but I don't have one. I was going to wait to post this after I finish chapter five but I'm excited (and really nervous) about this one! So, I figured I would just post it now and everyone wins...**

**Thank you tremendously for everything! Please read the A/N at the bottom!**

**Disclaime: Twilight isn't mine and I'm not Stephenie Meyer.**

**The Time I Stayed For A Week (Part 2)**

* * *

**~THURSDAY~**

I was back at the house and I was once again alone. But I decided that that day was going to be different. I wasn't going to spend my time thinking and get myself worked up again. Especially since on top of things being messed up with my mom I also fucked up with Edward too. That's the reason I needed to find a distraction or at least something that would bring back the numbness. That way there would be no tears, no fear, nothing. Unfortunately three hours later I was in a frenzy trying to think of something.

Finally I got it- booze. Booze was the answer to all of my problems. Besides, I had been drunk so many times before that it didn't really mean anything. People did this all the time. I started going through the house looking everywhere for some sort of alcohol. Nothing! All they had was milk, and orange juice which I couldn't get drunk off of. I stood in the kitchen pissed off. Why did I have to be here by myself? My dad needed to be here suffering like I was. Fuck, even being at school would be better than this. At least there I was around people. I knew I was starting to sound crazy but I didn't care.

I had to resort back to watching t.v since that was the only damn thing to do around here. I wasn't even paying much attention when a commercial came on and gave me an idea. It was a Nyquil commercial. Immediately I knew what I could do to make everything go away. I bounded off the couch and ran into the bathroom. They had to have some sort of cold medicine. Bingo!

I opened the bottle and swallowed what I estimated to be a few doses. I knew that it would be enough to put me out quick. It was just what I needed. I made my way back to the couch and got comfy. I was ready to sleep. All anyone would think was that I was taking a simple nap, a nap that would last more than just a few hours. But that could be blamed on the amount of sleep that I was getting which wasn't very much.

I wasn't smart though. I hadn't even put away the fucking bottle before leaving the bathroom. It was evidence and everyone knew that I didn't have a cold. But I didn't think I would get busted. But I did.

Hours later I was being shaken awake but my eyes wouldn't open. Smack! Suddenly there was a spreading sting making its way across my cheek. What the hell? I forced my eyes open and focused on the person standing near the couch. Renee.

I pushed myself to sit up and rubbed my eyes. What was she doing here already? She didn't get off work until 4:00. Shit! It was almost 5:30. I had been sleeping for almost nine hours. Wonderful fucking cold medicine. Too bad I wasn't going to be thinking that in a matter of minutes.

I finally focused on Renee and I could immediately tell that she was furious. I had never seen her like this, and somehow I knew it was because of me. It was always because of me wasn't it?

"Up. Now," she said and walked away. Fuck, this wasn't good. My dad was going to be here soon and I knew Edward was probably already here. Did he see the bottle of cold medicine? Was he still mad at me?

_What the fuck do you think? Things weren't going to change over night. He gave up, remember?_

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I followed Renee into the kitchen. I sat on the barstool and didn't meet her eyes. She didn't say anything for a few minutes and I guessed that she was trying to think of what to say. Either that, or try not to smack the shit out of me again. Finally, she began speaking.

"Jasper, you can't do this to yourself," she said and I gritted my teeth. I didn't need to hear what I already knew. "I understand what you're going through, but this won't help." I finally looked up at her. She looked almost as stressed out as my dad. "I'm worried about you Jasper, and I just want you to be okay. Promise me you won't do something like this again," she said. Fuck, she was completely serious. But I could feel the turmoil and anger mixing inside of me.

"Why do you even worry about me?" I asked her. I wasn't her son, and she hardly paid me the time of day besides what she had to.

"Because whether you know it or not, I care about you. And watching you go through the same thing Edward went through is painful to see." I wish I knew all that had happened to Edward. I mean, everyone who had said anything about what happened to Edward acted like it was truly horrible. It was, don't get me wrong, but Edward acted like nothing really happened. Did I really want to know? Maybe not.

"I won't do it again," I mumbled and Renee sighed in relief. She seemed genuinely worried about me and I felt…touched. Maybe not even that, but it was a better feeling.

Edward came into the kitchen and I felt something in my stomach turn as I got my first glance at him since that day we had the fight, or whatever the hell that whole thing was. He got out some orange juice and poured himself but he still had his back to me. It aggravated me that I couldn't see his face, that I couldn't see what he was feeling. But then he turned around and I saw his green eyes peak out between his shaggy black hair. It was only a second before he looked away. I hated what I fucking saw. It was like he was so defeated and broken. It was terrible. And all I wanted was to fix it, which was a feeling that scared the hell out of me. I hardly ever wanted to fix what I screwed up. But I wanted to this time. I wanted to a lot.

Dad came home and the dinner was stressful once again. I waited and waited for Renee to tell my dad what had happened. But she didn't and I felt even more gratitude towards her. She wasn't as bad as I thought she was. But it was still tense nonetheless. I had to sit next to Edward and he sat as far from as he possible could. I had to restrain myself from reaching over and pulling him closer.

"So," my dad broke the silence. "The hospital called today," he said. What the hell? He waited all this damn time to tell me?  
"What did they say? Is she awake?" The words poured so quickly out of my mouth that even I had trouble understanding myself.

"No, she is still the same," my dad said slowly.

"Then what?" I asked.

"They called to say that if she doesn't wake up by Saturday night they are going to…" my dad trailed off. I knew what he was going to say though. They were going to pull the plug, end her life. My fork dropped and I just sort of stared at my plate. How the hell was I supposed to get through this?

You have to, I told myself. You're strong; you'll be okay. Was I really? How could anyone possibly be strong at a time like this?  
I ignored all of those thoughts and concentrated on acting halfway normal. I could pretend that everything was all right couldn't I? So I did just that, but I knew that it was only going to be a matter of time because I was falling apart again.

The rest of the night was practically silent. My dad, Renee and I sat in the living room and attempted normalcy by watching a movie. I wasn't even paying attention to it. My mind kept drifting between my mom and Edward. It fucking sucked that I had to deal with both of them at the same damn time. At least then I might be able to handle them. But I supposed that none of this would have ever happened with Edward if things hadn't happened with my mom. I wouldn't have realized that I was wrong about him, that I didn't hate him. And these feelings? Would I have realized all this? But what exactly was _this_? I mean, then there was the whole question of me being gay…wait, there was no question. I wasn't gay, not one fucking bit.

_What about the things you notice about him though, huh? And those feeling sure the hell aren't anything…._

I couldn't fucking think about this now! I tried not to let my turmoil show on my face. But luckily the doorbell rang and my dad and Renee's attention was focused on whoever was at the door. I was as surprised as they were when they opened the door and Alice was standing there.

"Hi, Renee!" she said enthusiastically.

"Edward's in his room," Renee said and Alice nodded. She glanced over at me and I wanted to shrink in my seat. Her eyes were stern but they had a hint of pity in them too. I would bet anything that Edward told her what happened. Shit, I probably sounded like a fucking idiot to her. She just gave me a small wave and made her way into Edward's room, leaving the door halfway open so no one could really see in there.

I stayed out in the living room for hours waiting for her to leave. But she didn't and I wondered when she would leave. I mean, Renee didn't just let him have girls spend the night in his room, did she? I didn't think so… But it was getting late and even though I had more than a few hours of sleep before I didn't feel any more rested than I did before. In fact, I actually felt kind of worse. I guess it served me right since I had taken medicine when I wasn't even sick. But everyone's done that before so why should it even matter if I did it?

Anyhow, I was tired and I desperately wanted to go and lay down but Alice was in there. I couldn't take both of their fury and pity. But, I really wanted to go to sleep….

Fuck it, I told myself. Who cared what they thought? I could just ignore them both and they could think whatever they wanted. Too bad I did care, and that made things that much harder. I got up and mumbled a goodnight.

I didn't know what to fucking think when I saw them curled up on his bed with Alice kissing his neck and running her hands through his hair. I didn't know what to think of the spark of jealousy that ran through me either. I mean, I really shouldn't care what they were doing. But I did. It fucking sucked.

I didn't look over there again as I made my way over to the futon. I didn't bother changing my clothes or anything like that. I just slipped under the covers and faced the wall. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I felt a cramping pain in my hands. They were clenched and it took an effort to unclench them. I knew why they were clenched too.

I wanted to be the one running my hands through his hair. I wanted to be the one comforting him and touching him like that. I didn't even feel ashamed to admit it. Maybe it was an effect of the Nyquil I had drunk- the ability to admit things that weren't true. It couldn't possibly be _me_ wanting all of that?

_Would it be so bad if it was?_

I knew the answer to that question and I forced myself not to think about it. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. Sleep didn't come for hours until I heard rustling in Edward's bed.

"Goodnight, Edward," I heard something that I thought was a kiss. Then the door closed. I wanted to look over my shoulder once more at Edward. I wanted to see those green eyes once more before I fell asleep. I didn't. I wish I had.

* * *

**~FRIDAY~**

I was back at the hospital once again. There was really no other place that I could be. I had finally told my dad that staying at home by myself wasn't working. He gave in and just let me stay at the hospital. I was still surprised to see that Renee hadn't said anything about the cold medicine stunt I had pulled. But I was grateful, without a doubt. I didn't want to have even more to be guilty about, more to deal with.

Today was different though. I dreaded being at the hospital and I knew the exact reason why. All morning I had heard my dad's voice repeat itself in my head. "If she doesn't wake up by Saturday…" That was tomorrow! If she hadn't woken up so far how could she wake up in one day?

No! She is going to wake up, I told myself repeatedly. I didn't want to think about what could happen if she didn't- where I would live, where I would go to school, what would happen to _me._ But that wasn't going to happen. She was going to be fine and things would be perfectly okay. Right? I fucking hated that I was so unsure about it. Unsure about everything actually. I just wanted something that I could count on; that I could guarantee that would always be there.

_You did. Edward._

I sure as hell couldn't think about all of that right now. I was already on the edge and I didn't want to fall off now. I knew it was inevitable though; I could feel it.

That's why being at the hospital wasn't that much better than staying at my dad's house by myself. There I was constantly reminded of how short of time I had. A time limit. That's what it was. I fucking hated it too.

I walked around aimlessly instead of just staying in my mom's room. I knew that if I stayed there I would be falling apart in no time. Now that I had broken down and cried once, it was going to happen again. So, I just walked around and tried not to meet anyone's eyes. The hospital was such a sad place; everything I saw was tears and sickness. It was awful and it made me feel that much worse.

I had almost been around the entire hospital when I ended up around the rooms babies were born in; I didn't pay attention to what they were called. I stood out there watching all the little babies in the incubators. Life and death. That's all that ever happened in the hospital. All I wanted was my mom to live.

A few hours later I ended back at the room that my mom was in. I was surprised to see my dad in there. Was it that late already? I couldn't have been walking around that long…

_Even though you avoid it, it is still there._

"Hey, Jasper," my dad said as I walked into the room. "Where have you been?" he asked. I shrugged and he frowned. Shit, now he was going to worry about where I was at or something.

"I was getting something to eat," I lied. I just didn't want him to worry. He just nodded and I watched his eyes dart back to my mom.

"Renee and Edward are going to be here any minute now," my dad said.

"Oh," I mumbled. I wanted to ask why they were coming over but I didn't want to sound like I _didn't_ want them to come over.

"Yeah, Edward went over to your school and got your homework," my dad said and glanced at me. He would do that for me? Of course not; Renee and my dad probably forced him to do it. He didn't want anything to do with me anyway.

I didn't say anything to my dad. I didn't even know what I _could_ say. So we were silent and I was left feeling anxious. I hadn't seen Edward since that night he walked in the kitchen while I was talking to Renee. He hadn't looked at me then; I don't know why this time I thought it would be any different.

Fifteen minutes later they were walking through the door. I didn't listen to anything they said because I was too focused on Edward. He didn't look at me but he was looking at the homework that he had for me. Why couldn't he just come over and give it to me?

"Edward, what are you doing?" Renee asked quietly. Fucking finally! Now, he would have to come over to me and give me the papers.

He walked over to me but he was focused on the ground. I should've known that he wasn't going to look at me. I felt like a huge rock just dropped in the pit of my stomach. I hated having this between us. Funny, a few weeks earlier I would've welcomed it.

His hand was shaking as he held out the paper, but I didn't immediately reach for it. I was staring at his face waiting for those green eyes to find mine. They didn't and I reluctantly reached out and took the paper from him. As soon as the paper was out of his hands he ran out of the room. Renee and my dad stared at me but I didn't care. I was too busy fighting the hurt and guilt.

Renee and my dad stayed for what seemed like forever but I knew it was only a few short hours. I just didn't want them there anymore for some reason. I was far too close to the edge of breakdown and I didn't want it to happen in front of them. But they left, and I was alone once again.

A nurse came on to check in shortly after they left. I was surprised that she even decided to talk to me since she had practically ignored me since the first time I was there.

"How are you doing, Jasper?" she asked me. I wondered for a moment how in the world she knew my name. It didn't really matter that much so I just waved it off.

I shrugged as an answer but she still persisted in talking to me.

"I'm sorry, kid," she said quietly. I burst out in anger.

"She's going to live! Don't feel sorry for me!" I said loudly as I glared at her. She nodded and left the room.

Of course, a few minutes later I felt completely foolish for my little outburst. She was just trying to be sympathetic, and maybe nice. I didn't really need to shout at her like that. But I couldn't help it. She wasn't saying that she wasn't going to live; she was just saying that she was saying that she was feeling sorry for what I was going through.

After a while though all I could think about was how little time my mom had left. It was almost inevitable for me to feel this way even after all the time I had told myself differently.

I sat there watching my mom. She was so broken and damaged that maybe it was irreparable. I mean, she was only breathing and living because of some machine.

I just wanted her to be okay, to live. I knew in the back of my mind that I was crying before I reached up and felt the streaks of tears on my cheeks. I wasn't ashamed this time because I knew that it was okay to feel like this. That, and I couldn't exactly give a damn about it.

"Please, mom," my voice was shaky. "Please come back. I need you so much," I sobbed. "I'd fucking do anything." I cried even harder. One more fucking day. That was it.

I knelt on the floor next to my mom's bed. I buried my face in the mattress but that didn't stop my tears or sobs. "I love you. I love you, mom. Please…" I broke off with a strangled sob. "Stay with me."

My eyes were getting so blurred that I reached up to wipe the tears away. That's when I noticed that _he _was in the doorway. I got up shakily. Tears were still running down my face.

I blinked a few times so I could see him and my eyes locked on his. Suddenly he looked away and I saw him start to back away.

"E-Edward, please," I called to him, my voice laced with tears. He glanced back up at me and his green eyes didn't move away from mine. I felt like there was a ton of weights strapped to my legs as I moved to the end of my mom's bed. I felt like I couldn't make it to him. So I did the only thing I could think of.

"Edward," I whispered. My arms opened to him and my eyes closed as I tried to keep in the tears. I didn't know what I would do if he left. But he didn't leave.

Seconds later I heard him walk over and I was wrapped in his arms. I buried my head in his shoulder and the tears came even faster. Edward's arms tightened around me. I felt better with him holding me, but even that wasn't enough to stop my tears. I was shaking all over and I grabbed onto Edward's shirt to hold me up even though I knew he wouldn't let me fall.

It took a few minutes for me to calm down enough. My tears started to slow and I was able to process what was happening. He was here…and he was holding me. I was glad that he didn't just walk away.

I felt him moving and it took me a few seconds to realize that he was moving us over to the small bench, that was more like a double chair, and pulled us into it. I grabbed on to him because I just wasn't ready to let him go.

My tears started up again even though they had started to slow down before. Nope, they were back full blast. Between what was happening to my mom, and the shock of Edward being there, stopping the tears would be almost impossible. I was still crying when I pulled away from Edward.

His green eyes were confused as he watched me but I couldn't think of that. I couldn't lose the nerve for what I was about to say. I was already falling apart in front of him so why not just take it even further? I was freaking out too so there was really no stopping the words that popped out of my mouth.

"P-please don't give up on me, Edward," I tried to tell him through my tears. "Please, just don't…." I trailed off as another round of tears came. "I'm sorry for everything." I had never felt more vulnerable than I did then.

"I never did, Jasper. I was just frustrated and stupid. I should have never said that," he said as his green eyes watched my tearful blue ones. He never gave up on me?

Suddenly I was pulling myself as close to him as I possibly could. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. I curled up next to him with my head on his chest. It felt so comforting to be like this that my tears gradually stopped.

Edward ran his hand through my hair and I felt myself beginning to drift off. But I needed to tell him how grateful I was that he was there. I pulled away from him and he looked nervous. I could bet anything that he was waiting for the anger from me. I fucking hated that that was what he was thinking.

Suddenly I didn't know what to say and I felt like an idiot just sitting there staring at him. My eyes moved away from his and I saw how badly I had stained his shirt with my tears. But I couldn't really care. I mean, I was in the most awkward place that I had ever been in. I had gone from hating him to crying in his arms. It was unbelievable. Suddenly I couldn't find the words to tell him what I was feeling. I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"Will you stay?" I asked him. I really wanted him to stay but I felt like I shouldn't ask that much of him.

"Yes," he said quietly. I moved so I was leaning against him once again. It shocked me how much I liked being this close to him. I had time to deal with that later though, right now I just needed to sleep.

* * *

**~SATURDAY~**

I woke up alone and disoriented. Did I imagine everything that had happened last night? Did he really even come here? I reached up and I could feel what the crying had done to my face. I laid back and remembered what happened, or what I thought had happened at least.

But what did this all mean if it really did happen? I wasn't fucking gay. I wasn't. But the way I felt last night…that contradicted everything that I was trying to make myself believe. At the same time though I didn't want to go back to how things were. And I wasn't going to let that happen. This was not going to be a one step forward, two steps back type of deal.

I opened my eyes and I noticed that it was still dark out. Maybe I should just get some more sleep. I wanted to call Edward and have him come back but I wasn't that fucking desperate.

_Yeah right, Jasper. We both know how much you want him here. _

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. This wasn't going to turn into some big complicated thing. Besides, I didn't need him to fall back asleep. Although, it was nice to be in his arms..and. Goddamnit! No, I couldn't believe I had even thought that. I was reckless the night before and needy. It wasn't going to happen again.

"Jasper" I heard the smallest whisper that I thought I imagined. I wanted to open my eyes so badly and see if Edward was standing there. I felt something stir in me at the thought of him coming back. Fuck, I was just like a chick. I waited for him to say my name again. If he said it again I would open my eyes. "Jasper," the voice whispered again. It wasn't Jasper.

My eyes flew open so fast and I jolted upright. I would know that voice anywhere. My mom's voice. Her eyes were open and she was saying my name…she was alive.

The relief that flowed through me was almost unbearable. I thought that she wouldn't make it, but here she was.

"Mom?" I whispered.

"Jasper," my mom sighed. I walked over to her and grabbed her hand. I don't know how I managed it but I called for a nurse and two or three started bustling in. I didn't realize that I was crying again until my mom spoke again. "Jasper, what's wrong?"

A laugh that sounded like it was almost a sob escaped my lips. Of all the questions she could ask she asked me that one?

"Nothing, mom," I tried to smile. "Do you remembered what happened?" I asked her. She looked at the cast around her arm and she made this weird face like she was concentrating really hard.

"All I remember was coming home from the store and then…nothing," she said quietly. "I was in a car accident." I knew that she would realize that; I also knew what she was going to ask next. "What day is it?"

"Saturday," I told her. "You've been in a coma all week," I said quietly. I could hardly believe it myself except for the reminders that were always there-the tears, the angst, and the feelings. She was alive. She was fucking alive. The weight of what was happening finally came down on me.

My knees buckled but I caught myself before I hit the floor. A nurse came over to help me up. I had never seen him there before. People were swirling all around me and it was hard to concentrate on anything. The nurse was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him. Then I felt arms pulling up. It was my dad.

"It's okay son, it's okay," he said in my ear as he crushed me to him. "Breathe, Jasper," he said softly and I concentrated on getting myself under control. Somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear one of the nurses telling my dad that I was having a panic attack. No, I couldn't be having one of those. I mean, I was just so relieved. That could cause a panic attack?

I let go of my dad but he kept an arm on me. I still felt kind of shaky but I was getting through it. I looked over at my mom and she was staring at me with worry. Nurses were bustling around her and all she was paying attention to was me. I felt myself choke up with emotion.

_She's alive. She's alive. She's alive. _

I kept the chanting up in my head as I stared at my mom. It was like I felt that I didn't deserve that to happen to me. I didn't deserve to be so lucky after all of the things I had done.

Finally the nurses began to leave and quiet down. I was able to go up to my mom and she held out her hand for me. I hugged her as softly as I could.

"I love you, Jasper," she said quietly. Her voice wasn't shaky and she sounded so normal that it was easy to believe that we weren't in a hospital and she that she wasn't waking up from a week long coma.

I hugged her closer to me and she ran her hand through my hair. She used to do that when I was little. It also reminded me of Edward running his hands through my hair the night before.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her.

"I don't know?" she asked with a small chuckle. Of course the nurses had probably given her a load of pain meds. "How are you?" she asked me. It was never like this with my mom; we were never this close.

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know how to answer her question. If I had told her that I was freaking out and that I was mad she would believe me. But if I told her that I had cried, more than once, would she believe me? I didn't know.

"I'm okay, Jasper," she said reaching up to touch my face. I felt my walls crumble once again.

" I was so worried," my eyes teared up and I tried to look away but she held my cheek in her hand. I wasn't looking directly at her but I could see her shock at seeing the tears in my eyes.

"Oh, baby, please don't worry. I'm right here, and I am never going to leave you," she said into my hair as I held onto her. A few tears slipped out but they weren't sad tears.

I held onto her for some time and I thought that she was asleep when I pulled away. She wasn't. She was staring at me as I reached up to wipe the tear streaks from my face.

"You look so tired, honey," she said. I smiled a little bit but it didn't reach my eyes. "You should go back to your dad's and sleep a while," she suggested.

"No!" I protested and my grip on her tightened a little. I didn't want to leave now. What if I left and she fell into a coma again? The truth was I was scared to go. I thought that if I left that she wouldn't be there when I got back.

"I'll be right here, Jasper. You look awful and you need some sleep," she told me in her "mom-voice." The smile that came across my face was real this time.

"Can I stay here?" I asked her. I didn't want to leave. I knew that she wouldn't make me either.

"Fine," she sighed with a smile. Then she patted the bed next to her.

"I don't want to hurt you," I said quietly.

"You won't." She moved over and I gingerly got on the bed. I didn't want to jostle her. I knew that she couldn't feel her injuries but I still didn't want to risk anything. I curled up facing her and laid my head on the pillow. I felt so close to my mom that I promised myself that things were going to be different with us. I wanted to be like this all the time, not just because she was seriously hurt and almost died.

_Almost. _

She reached over and ran her hands through my hair again. I felt myself calm and I had never felt more relaxed than I did then. Everything was going to be okay.

I could actually sleep now. I could sleep without worrying if my mom was going to be alive or not. I could sleep peacefully.

"Love you, Jasper," my mom whispered. Her hands never stopped moving and I felt myself drifting off.

"Love you too," I murmured and then I was asleep.

I couldn't ever remember sleeping so peacefully. You would've thought that I would have nightmares about my mom but I didn't. I knew my mom was right there beside me. She had this calming effect on me. I opened my eyes to see her staring at me. She smiled at me when she realized that I was awake.

"Didn't you sleep?" I asked her.

"The nurses wouldn't let me," she told me. I wanted to slap myself; of course they wouldn't want her to go to sleep right away after waking up from a coma. I was so fucking stupid sometimes. "You look better. You sure did sleep awhile though," she told me.

"What time is it?" I asked her.

"After six," she said. I basically slept away the whole entire day.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't worry about it. Don't worry about me."

I gave her a look and she snorted. I couldn't help laughing.

"I couldn't help worrying about you," I said getting serious again.

"I know," she said. "I talked to your dad."

"While I was sleeping?" I asked her. I wanted to ask if Edward came with too but I didn't. She nodded. I didn't know what else to say.

"Things are going to be alright, Jasper." She had promised me that before. I was going to try to believe her this time. I nodded but didn't say anything.

"What happened while you were in your coma?" I asked her. I didn't just want to change the subject; I actually wanted to know.

"I dreamt about you," she told me. I looked away quickly. My fucking eyes were tearing up again. I hope this wasn't going to be an all the time thing. I don't think I could handle crying that much. "Jasper, look at me," she told me. I looked up at her and I held back the tears in my eyes. "I've never seen you like this before," she whispered.

"Why don't you hate me?" I asked her. I was so angry- angry with myself. I didn't let her answer. "I have been such a horrible person. To you, to Edward, to everybody. I'm sorry, mom. I'm so sorry for everything." I told her. I don't know how I managed to not cry.

"Jasper," she said my name and pulled me closer to her. She hugged me but then she pulled away. "I don't hate you; I could never hate you," she whispered.

"I want to change," I confided in her. "I don't want to be the same person anymore."

"Then don't be." I wish it were that simple. Maybe it could be.

A nurse came in the room and broke the heart to heart that my mom and I were having.

"Feel okay?" she asked my mom as she checked her heart rate and blood pressure.

"Yeah," my mom said. "When do I get to go home?"

"Well we have to perform a few more tests and we have to make sure that you don't relapse. Otherwise you should be out of here by tomorrow night at the earliest."

I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. She was going to be okay. It was silent in the room for a moment and my stomach growled loudly.

"Honey, you should probably get something to eat," she suggested. I didn't like the food at the hospital and I didn't really want to leave her.

"I'm not hungry," I lied.

"Your dad will come and get you. I will still be here, Jasper. You can even call me before you go to bed, okay?"

"But.." I tried to protest. I couldn't think of what to say though. I knew that there was more than one reason that I didn't want to leave.

_Edward._

I didn't know what would happen when I saw him. All I knew was that I was anxious about seeing him again. It wasn't all a bad anxious feeling either.

I pulled out my phone and texted my dad. He was already on his way. I just sat there with my mom.

"I'm glad you're okay," I told her. A part of me was still having trouble believing that she was alive.

"Jasper, you're going to stop talking like that or I will…" she spit out with a smile. I just smiled. Then both of us turned out heads to the door where my dad was standing.

"Hey," he said quietly. He looked like he was nervous. "Ready?" he asked me. I nodded. But before I got off the bed I gave my mom a hug.

"Love you, Jasper" she said in my ear as I pulled away. I slipped off the bed with a small smile on my face. "Call me later."

"I promise I will." I said. My dad put his arm on my shoulder and we walked out of the room. I glanced back at my mom and she waved. I felt my chest tighten even though I knew I would talk to her again.

"How are you?" my dad asked me as we walked through the hospital and to the car.

"Better," I sighed. He smiled.

"Me too."

We got in the car and I felt so relieved and happy that I could've sworn that there was going to be a permanent half-smile on my face. By the time we got to my dad's though my happiness was fading and nervousness was taking it's place.

What was he going to think? What was I going to say to him? Were things okay between us now? Did he only help me the night before because I was upset- not that he wasn't mad at me? So many questions were running through my head. I didn't know the answer to a single one of them. I guess I would find out.

My dad and I walked through the door. Renee sprang on me as soon as the door was closed. Her arms wrapped around me and she pulled me into the living room.

"I'm so happy that's she's okay," she said in my ear as she crushed me to her.

"Me too," I sighed. She let me go and pushed me back so that way she could look at me.

"You look so much better, sweetie. I was so worried…" she trailed off. "It doesn't matter now. Everything's fine." I finally looked away from her to notice that Edward was standing there in the corner of the room. As soon as I saw him something in my stomach clenched.

"Ready to eat, son? We made you're favorite…" my dad said. I could barely hear him because I couldn't look away from the green eyes that were staring back at mine. My dad was standing there shifting his eyes between us. Shit, I should answer him.

"Sounds good," I smiled at him. My dad looked shocked for a moment before he smiled back at me. We all gathered around in the kitchen and sat down. It was still awkward even though things had definitely changed dramatically.

I was hyper aware of Edward next to me. I was too nervous to look over at him. I knew we needed to talk but we sure as hell weren't going to do it then.

"So did they say when she can go home?" my dad asked.

"Earliest is tomorrow night, but they aren't for sure yet."

"That's great!" Renee smiled at me. I nodded and I felt my cheeks heat up. I felt like everyone at the table was staring at me. Even Edward. I could tell even without looking at him that he was looking at me.

I tried to eat my food but my stomach was too anxious to be hungry anymore. All I could think about was what I was going to say to Edward. Oh, wait. I didn't even know if he was going to talk to me.

Finally after what seemed to be an eternity, dinner finally ended. I was helping pick up dishes when I decided to go along with a plan I had been thinking about. Edward was in the living room so he would hear.

"Hey, Dad?" I asked him.

"Yeah?" he said looking over his shoulder at me.

"Is it alright if I go hang out at the park for a little bit?" I was banking on him letting me do whatever I wanted. I mean, I had just gone through hell.

"Sure," he said smiling.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch. It took almost all I had to get the guts to look at him.

My eyes bored into his and I tried to send him a message without really talking.

_Please, come with me. I need to talk to you. Please come with me. _

I walked out the door and crossed my fingers. I waited on the sidewalk in front of the house. One minute, two minutes, three minutes. Nothing. Something dropped in my stomach and I felt devastated.

I started walking down the sidewalk. My eyes were pricking like I was going to cry. I fucking hated that he was the one to make me feel like that. I walked half a block before I heard my name.

"Jasper!" I heard him call as he sprinted towards me. The feeling that went through me was explainable. It was like my world was crashing again but this time it was in a good way. It was like something was lifted inside of me. Shit, I sounded like a fucking chick.

Edward finally reached me and he was catching his breath as he looked at me.

"You wanted me to come, didn't you?" he asked me.

"Yeah. I was kinda hoping that you would get the clue." Edward smiled and we started walking. The park wasn't that far away but it seemed like it was miles. I had no clue what to say to him so there was an awkward silence between us.

When we got there we automatically went to the swings. Edward sat down and I ended up pacing in front of him. Still neither of us said anything. I needed to say something. I wanted this to be easy, not awkward and complicated. I guess there was only one way of doing that…..

"Thank you," I blurted. I snuck a glance at him as I finally sat down on the swing next to him. He looked shocked and utterly confused.

"What for?" he asked. How could he not know? It was so obvious to me. I met his gaze as I finally let everything out. Well, almost everything. It was what needed to be said.

"For being there for me. Last night…I've never fallen apart like that before. I just- I needed you and you were there for me." I thought I would feel vulnerable telling him all of that but I didn't. Besides he had seen me at my absolute worst so this was nothing compared to that.

"You shouldn't be thanking me," Edward said breaking eye contact and looking at his lap. "Especially after I told you that I gave up on you." What?

"I thought you didn't," I mumbled. Fuck, he was only there for me then. He really did give up on me. Suddenly Edward looked back up at me and his eyes were fierce.

"I didn't. I won't." I felt myself relax. I couldn't believe that I had really thought that he had given up on me. But what did he mean when I shouldn't thank him? I mean, if I was him I would've walked away along time ago.

It was quiet for a moment as we both stared in front of us. I kept sneaking glancing at Edward out of the corner of my eye. Then he sucked in a breath and faced me again. His green eyes looked troubled. The first thought that went through my head was "What the fuck did I do now?"

"Can I tell you something?" he asked me quietly.

"Anything," I told him. I winced at how fucking needy my voice sounded. I felt like I was in a Disney movie. Except I was the girl in this case…..

"I'm jealous of you." What the hell? I opened my mouth to speak but he continued. " You're mom lived after her car accident. I just wish that my dad could have lived too. Seeing this, it's like watching what happened to me. Except I never got my happily ever after." His eyes sparkled like there were tears that he was holding back. I was out of the swing in an instant. I hugged Edward to me. I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing. Edward wrapped his arms around me and we stood there for a moment hugging.

Tingly feelings were running throughout me and I realized what I was doing. I slowly pulled away. This was wrong. It shouldn't feel so damn good to hug him. I shouldn't be having these fucking tingles running through me. I moved so I was sitting back on the other swing. I couldn't look at him.

He broke the silence and we finally were able to make a good conversation. We talked about everything and nothing. It was simple. It was easy. It was right.

"I want us to try being friends," I murmured. I don't know why I was turning this into a serious conversation again. I just needed to put that out there. I was thinking about how he had said that he wanted to be friends when he was yelling at me a few days earlier.

"Really?" Edward pushed his hair away from his eyes. He always did that a lot when he was nervous or unsure of something.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I was wrong about you from the beginning and I want to change that." I ached a little every time I thought of the things that I had put him through. " I want to get to know you," I said softly. I was shocked at how much those words were true. I mean, I never really took the time to get to know anybody. He was different.

"We aren't dating," Edward laughed a little bit. I punched him lightly in the shoulder. I tried to fake like I was angry. Maybe he would think that my face was red because I was mad at him, not that I was actually blushing.

"Jasper," he started to say. I looked over at him. It looked like he was struggling to find the words to say. "I know how hard this last week has been for you. Believe me, I know," he paused. I could hear the pain and I gripped the chains of the swing so I wouldn't go over and hug him again. "You're acting different now. Not a bad different, though. I just, I don't want you to come back in two weeks and things will go back to how they were." He sounded so fucking sad and I hated myself because I knew it was my fault. Of course he would think that I was only acting like this because I was so relieved and happy that my mom was alive. But I wasn't going to be that person again. I couldn't. Especially not after going through all of this.

I wanted to tell him that I wasn't going to be that person the next time I saw him but I wasn't even sure. I was going to try. I just didn't know how to tell him all of that.

"I never thought that we would be sitting here like this," I mused. I was trying to change the subject. He just kept looking at me with those intense green eyes. I swore that he was seeing more than just me. I knew he was waiting for an answer. I sighed.

" I don't want to be that person I was, Edward." It was the truth. Edward smiled a little bit and I felt like there was a light going on inside me. I was the one who did that. I was the one who made him smile. I was the one that made him look light up like that. Beautiful.

Shit, shit, shit. Not again! I couldn't think about him like that. Ugh! Why couldn't these fucking thoughts just disappear? I was having an internal battle when Edward broke the silence again.

"I want to get to know you, too," he said softly. I laughed a little bit. This was too fucking weird, but I liked it. I watched him smile again. I felt another rock rolling around in my stomach. Only it wasn't a rock this time. It was butterflies.

* * *

**~SUNDAY~**

My mom came home that night and so did I. I left my dad's house and I helped my mom get situated in the house. Emmett called me and I answered even though I really didn't want to. He told me that he was glad about my mom. Then he started on girls and Lauren. I couldn't have fucking cared less. I almost hung up on him, but I didn't. I listened to him and pretended to be enthusiastic about whatever the fuck he was talking about.

Then he mentioned that I had a double date with him and Rosalie. And I had to go with Lauren. I almost fucking exploded! I couldn't believe he would do that while I was freaking out about my mom and having a hard time. It was unbelievable. I agreed though. Rosalie was the sweetest girl that Emmett had ever been with and they really liked each other. I didn't want to go though. I wanted to stay home with my mom.

I felt like life just kind of moved on and I hated that everyone just thought that this was a blip in my life. It wasn't.

It was only while I was lying in bed that night that I was thinking about my bargaining with God and my promise to Edward. What if changing wasn't as simple as it seemed? I mean, once things got back to normal it would be easy just to fall back into my old self. But I didn't want to. Did I?

No! I did want to change. It was going to be easy and as effortless as breathing. I would change and everything would be perfect. I should've known that it would be hard. I should've known that I was going to have to fight for it. I should've known that I was going to fuck it up somehow.

* * *

**So I haven't started on chapter 5 yet and I don't know when it will be done...but I will make sure that it won't be another month before an update. **

**Now, I figure I should point something out so it doesn't come up...( I'm hoping that no one says that Jasper is moving ahead too quickly. I've been in his shoes and I know how scary it is. It changes people. A lot. So please...no comments on that..)And besides I think it is time that Jasper and Edward progress...**

**I should also tell you all that there will still be angst the next chapter ( of the good kind *wink, wink*) so it isn't going anywhere. **

**SO, are you liking the boys so far? Like this chapter? Let me know! (and thanks for reading!)**

**.Me**


	7. Chapter 5

**Well...just get to it! Please read the A/N at the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is Stephenie Meyer's.**

**Chapter 5**

**That Time I Didn't Know Who I Was**

* * *

**~FRIDAY~**

The last two weeks had been the strangest of my life. Well, I guess you wouldn't call it strange. You would call it fucked up.

I had planned to go to school and stick with the new me. I wasn't going to be the "man whore" everyone thought I was. I was going to go to class and do my work. And maybe, possibly, be nice. It didn't work.

As soon as I was one foot in the school any thoughts I had of change were gone. I was instantly back to my old self. I was there and it felt so fucking normal compared to the hell I went through. I didn't have to try to be this self.

I was skipping school, banging chicks that I didn't get a fuck about, and I didn't think twice about it. It was as easy and simple as breathing. Maybe I didn't want to change after all…..

No. That wasn't right. I did. I could feel how much I wanted to change. I just felt like I couldn't, like I wasn't ready to. I was comfortable in this me; I didn't feel vulnerable like I did before. Besides, would going back to how I was be so bad? I mean, I wasn't really hurting anyone except myself.

_What about Edward?_

Fuck. Edward. It wasn't like I had forgot about him. Not at all. I knew that he would be disappointed if I showed up like things never happened. I wasn't going to do that to him. I _couldn't_ do that to him. I had hurt him way too fucking much to do that to him.

I couldn't get him off of my mind. Everytime I skipped or did something "wrong" he was always on my mind. I just couldn't stop. It freaked me out but it also made me realize that I had changed even when I wasn't going to accept it.

He wasn't just on my mind during those times though. No, he was on my mind other times too. It was so fucked up it was unbelievable.

"C'mon baby, it's been so long," Lauren purred in my ear. We were at my house after Emmett and Rosalie ditched us. She was practically begging me to fuck her. I was nervous about it. It's not that I didn't want to. What if I couldn't get hard like the last time? She might've let the first time slip but definitely not twice.

_Lauren moved over to me and started kissing my neck. It wasn't really turning me on but I pretended that it was. _

_"You make me so fucking horny," I groaned as I rolled my eyes. Since when was I refusing to bang a willing chick?_

_"Let's go inside." She was using the voice that she believed to be seductive. It wasn't. Sure, she was pretty good looking but she wasn't seductive._

_She pulled me through the house. My mom wasn't up and I would doubt if she would even care about her being here. It wasn't the first time. As soon as we got in my bedroom I knew that I needed to do something to get hard. But until then I had to make sure that Lauren didn't know anything about what was really going on.  
I pushed her up against the back of my bedroom door. I licked and sucked at her neck and listened to her moan in my ear. Fuck. I still wasn't hard. _

_"Jasper," she moaned. Her hands went into my hair and I resisted yanking them away. I kissed up her jaw but never kissed her lips. It was something that I hadn't really done before. I mean, I had my first kiss and all that shit but I really didn't kiss just for the heck of it. Besides, who knew where all these girls had been? I certainly hadn't been their first._

_Lauren started taking over and I knew that I was letting my mind wander too much. She pushed me down on the bed and crawled up towards me. Now that image should've gotten me hard in an instant. But it didn't. In a flash my shirt was off and her mouth was attached to one of my nipples. I groaned. _

_"Jasper, you taste so damn good." That one sentence sparked some life in me and I felt myself getting hard. It took a few seconds to realize that it was Lauren that just said that. That wasn't the voice I had heard. It was _him.

_"Oh fuck," I groaned again, this time not in pleasure. This can't be happening to me! _

_"Aww, my baby's horny," Lauren crooned as she started pulling down my jeans. What the fuck? I wasn't horny because of her. Shit, I couldn't even get hard because of her. _

_She had my pants down and was starting on my jeans. The semi hard on that I had had a few moments ago was starting to disappear. I needed to do something. _

_Or think of something. _

_NO! I couldn't do that. It was so fucking messed up. _

_Lauren's mouth came over me and I watched as she moved down on my cock. Of course, it felt good. It just didn't feel…great. Once she realized that I wasn't making any noise like I had done with her the last time we hooked up she glanced up at me. _

_Her green eyes were staring up at me looking for a reaction. But I didn't see _her _green eyes; I saw _his._ I could picture his black hair and intense green eyes perfectly. I groaned and threw my head back._

_All I could see was him. His tongue ring. His eyes. His mouth. I was hard in an instant. I started bucking up into her mouth pretending that it was him. _

_I could almost feel the steel ball in his mouth running up and down the vein on my cock. I could feel him scrape his teeth gently across the head and dip his tongue in the slit. Then he took me all the way down and I bit my lip from voicing my pleasure. _

_My hands gripped the sheets next to me as I felt the familiar coil tighten in my stomach. _

_"Are you gonna come for me?" he asked. His green eyes watched mine as I stared back. I was panting and I couldn't stop the moan from coming out. _

_"Fuck yes. I'm- I'm gonna- oh yes!" I moaned loudly. I bucked up into his mouth while he swallowed around me. He ran his tongue up the side of my cock. I felt my body convulse in pleasure. It was too damn good._

_"Mmm, was that good baby?" I sat up so quickly that it made my head spin. Fuck. It was Lauren. I had gotten so carried away in my fantasy that I had forgotten that it was really her. _

_I lay back and through my arm over my face. I knew it was stupid to think that she would even guess what I had just thought about while she sucked me off. Somehow I thought she would be able to tell by how red my face was. _

_"Fuck yeah," I mumbled. I didn't know what to say. Hell, what was I even supposed to think? These things weren't supposed to happen. At least not to someone that was considered straight. And I was most definitely straight. _

_"Tired you out, didn't I baby?" she asked as she got off the bed. I nodded weakly and peeked out at her underneath my arm. She was smiling softly. "We'll fuck next time. You should sleep," she murmured. She came over and kissed me softly on the cheek and left. I knew that she must have been thinking something. I always made sure that she got off too. But I just couldn't find the will to do it. And I really wanted to forget that all of it had ever happened._

I couldn't forget though and it was seriously fucking with my mind. Every time I thought about what had happened I would get hard as a rock. But I didn't jerk off. I didn't want to picture those images of _him_ in my head. I didn't want to get turned on because of them. I wanted them to just go away. They didn't.

Friday was just like any other normal day at school. Lauren and I had talked briefly but we hadn't made any plans. The only plan that I had in mind that night was to go to a party. I just needed to get drunk and get everything off of my mind for a few hours. I was invited by a few friends from a different school and I figured it would be the place to be. Well, a different place than being at home with those crazy thoughts.

I walked through the front door and into the living room. My mom was on the phone with someone. I thought that it was just one of her friends until she mentioned my name. It was my dad.

"We have to tell him, Charlie," my mom sounded upset. I quietly set down my stuff so that way she wouldn't know that I was home. "What do you mean wait?" she fumed. "He's almost eighteen! He deserves to know."

What were they keeping from me? I mean, I knew we didn't always talk about the most serious things but we didn't really keep things from each other. And this was concerning me.

"It isn't fair and you know it. We have to do it soon, and if you won't, I will." She slammed the phone down and walked out of the kitchen. "Jasper!" she jumped. "I didn't know you were home," she forced a smile.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked her quietly. She looked away from me. Her hands played with the frayed edge of her t-shirt.

"It's nothing, sweetie."

"No, it's not."

"I can't tell you," she mumbled.

"Yes you can!" I persisted. "What is it?" I asked her. I was aching to know what they were keeping from me.

"You'll know sooner or later," she muttered, still looking away from me.

"It's something I did, isn't it?" I asked. Things that happened were usually my fault anyway. Besides I had went through everything so I doubted anything could be any worse than what I had already went through.

"Why do you say that?" she asked me. I shrugged. She wouldn't even look at me. I was less than ten feet away from her and she couldn't even meet my eyes.

"Because ever since you've came back from the hospital you haven't been the same. You're not acting like you. It's like you don't even know me anymore," I fumed. She had barely spoken to me in the last two weeks. I had tried to talk to her but she wouldn't say much. We used to be able to talk so easily but now things were so weird.

"I'm sorry," she said finally looking at me. "It isn't your fault, Jasper," she sighed and turned away. Why couldn't she just fucking talk to me?

I didn't want to be around the weirdness that was always there when I was with her. I really wanted to comfort her and talk to her but she wasn't letting me in. It was almost as if there was a fence built up between us. I didn't know how to break it.

"Is it okay if I go to Dad's tonight instead of tomorrow?" I knew that she would think that I was leaving because I was upset at her. That was part of the truth but I also wanted to see if my dad would tell me what she wouldn't.

"Sure, honey," her voice cracked. I walked over to her and hugged her. She hugged me back but her hugs didn't feel like they used to.

I was definitely tempted to stay home. I mean, I could try to comfort my mom. I also wouldn't have to repress my thoughts about Edward. Fuck. Edward.

I had almost forgotten that he would be there. Almost. I guess I would have to see him sooner or later. I couldn't hide from it forever could I? Besides, what happened was just a fluke. Edward didn't know about it and he wasn't ever going to. I was just going to pretend that nothing ever happened and we would continue being friends.

I got out my phone and my fingers hovered above the buttons. My dad was at work so I would need a ride to get over there. I had Edward's number in my phone and al I had to do was text him for him to come and get me.

_Come on. Just do it. _

**Hey, I'm coming early this weekend. Can you come and get me?- J**

I waited a minute. I was starting to get anxious. What if he didn't text back? What if he thought that I had changed my mind about being friends? I mean, I hadn't kept my promise on everything but I had with him. Two minutes later I got a reply.

**I'm on my way-E **

I sat by the window looking out nervously. Once again my thoughts strayed to that night with Lauren. Fuck. I shouldn't be thinking about that now. I was even more fidgety thinking about that. I needed to forget all of that if I was going to survive the weekend. I packed some clothes and I was ready in less than ten minutes. All I had left to do was wait.

He got there sooner than I thought. As soon as I saw his car in the window something in my stomach twisted. It wasn't in an entirely bad way though.

"Bye, mom!" I shouted behind me. I didn't hear an answer as I shut the door.

I tried to calm my nerves as I walked to the car. Part of me was telling me not to go, to just turn around and go back inside the house. I didn't.

I opened the door and got in.

"Hey." I didn't know what else to say. It was silent for a moment as Edward pulled away from the curb. "Thanks for coming to get me," I guess that was something that I could say. I just didn't want things to be awkward like they were. I fucking hated it.

"Can I ask why you're coming over early?" he glanced at me as we pulled to a stop at a light. He's green eyes were cautious but also concerned at the same time. I was silent for a moment. I didn't know if I could just tell him everything that was happening. But we were friends and I really needed someone to vent too….

"I came home today and my mom was talking to my dad. They're keeping something from me. She wouldn't tell me even when I asked her," I ranted. "And it isn't even just that. Ever since she came home from the hospital. She won't talk to me and she can barely even look at me," I glanced at him and I watched his green eyes dart back to the road. "I just don't know what to do anymore…" I mumbled.

Edward glanced back over at me. His eyes were relieved and I knew exactly what he was thinking. I suddenly realized why he was being so cautious before. He thought that I was going to come back like I was a few weeks ago. That I wasn't going to talk to him. That I wasn't going to keep my promise.

"You didn't think I would keep my promise to change, did you?" I asked him quietly. I already knew the answer. I was a little pissed off that he didn't think I would keep my promise. But I guess you didn't trust someone who has hurt you since you've known them and suddenly decided to change.

He didn't say anything but his hands tightened on the steering wheel and he wouldn't look at me. He bit his lip as he concentrated on driving. Once again my eyes were drawn to his mouth. I felt my cock stir within my jeans and I had to look away. Now was not the time to get hard.

"It's okay. I understand why you would think that," I sighed. He relaxed a little and I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye. "But I'm serious about being different."

I looked out the window but I could feel that he was looking at me. I wanted to meet his eyes but I just couldn't. I didn't know why.

The tension in the car was almost unbearable. Who in the world had to try so damn hard to be friends? Wasn't this supposed to be easy?

_You barely even know each other._

Well, I had said I wanted to get to know him right? Isn't that what friends do? Fuck, this was too complicated.

"So, there's this party tonight that I was invited to. You know, girls and booze and all that," I said lamely. How the hell was I supposed to do this? Didn't they have How to be Friends for Dummies? That's what I needed right about then.

"Cool, " Edward murmured. What the hell? Was he really going to make me say it? He was staring at me as we waited at a red light. "What?" he asked, confusion written on his face.

"Do you wanna go?" I knew my face was probably red and I hoped that Edward didn't notice. He looked at me with shock before turning back to the road.

"You really don't want me to go," he said quietly. Shit. What did he think this was just some pity effort? Couldn't he see that I was trying?

"Yes I do. If I didn't want you to go I wouldn't have asked you." His green eyes were still doubtful but there was a bit of hope there too.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, exasperated. I watched the smile creep onto his lips. It was quiet for a moment but it was no longer as tense.

"Wait. How are we going to go to this party?" he asked me. "How are we going to get out?"

I burst out laughing at the worried look on his face. He ran one of his hands through his black hair before glancing away from me.

"You've never snuck out before?" Edward shook his head. I held back a snicker.

"Damn. You really are innocent," I couldn't help laughing a bit. "If we're gonna be friends you're going to have to take a ride on the wild side sometimes." I didn't want him to change. I mean, he was fine being innocent as her was but he needed to live a little.

Edward glared at me. His green eyes were dark as he stared at me. Fuck. I felt bad for saying what I did. But the way he was staring at me made my cock stir again.

"I was kidding," I told him. I didn't want to start anything. The glare was gone in an instant and a smirk was on his face. He pulled into my dad's driveway and shut off the car. I was just about to get out when he said my name. "And Jasper. I'm not all that innocent." He stuck out his tongue and flashed his tongue ring. I was left there standing as he walked away smirking. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the whole damn weekend without getting hard. It was going to be fucking torture.

"What are you doing here?" my dad asked as he walked through the door. "It's only Friday."

"I know," I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to come early." I knew that part of it was a lie and I could tell that he knew that something was up. I never voluntarily came over early. Hell, usually I didn't want to come over at all. But then again he wasn't up to date with all the "changes" that I was trying to make.

"That's fine," he said as he walked into the kitchen. I watched him and Renee exchange a look. She was shocked when I walked in the door too. She glanced from me to Edward as he walked to his room. Everyone was shocked that I was there. I hated it. I really fucking did.

During dinner I tried to think of how I could ask my dad what he and my mom were keeping from me. I couldn't just demand that he tell me because I knew that that wasn't going to work. But I was determined to know what they were hiding from me.

I offered to clean up dinner and everyone's eyes darted to me. I fucking hated being put on the spot like that. Couldn't I offer to help without them being so shocked about it? I started picking up the dishes on the table and bringing to the sink. I guess they got over the shock of me helping and decided to move on. My dad came over next to me at the sink once Renee and Edward left the room. My plan was going as I hoped it would.

"Are you okay son?" my dad asked. His eyes were wary. He was waiting for me to snap back into my "normal" self like Edward was in the car.

"What do you mean?" I asked laughing.

"You're just….I can't explain it," he sighed.

"I'm doing dishes? I'm different?" I asked no longer laughing.

"Yeah," my dad mumbled. I nodded but didn't say anything. Now was the time to ask him. I finished washing the plate I held and turned to my dad.

"I heard mom talking to you on the phone today," I said quietly. I could hear the accusation in my voice. Fuck, I needed to be calm about this. It was the only way that I was going to get answers.

"Jasper," he sighed. I felt myself getting angry and there was no stopping it.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked him.

"It isn't the right time."

"And when will it be?" I was furious. So much for the fucking plan I had.

"Not now." He said sternly. "This is the reason you came early isn't it? And to think that I had thought that you had wanted to see me…"

"Don't try and make me feel guilty because I don't. You're keeping something from me. Something important. Mom will barely look at me! Just like you're doing right now!" He glanced up at me.

"Jasper, I'm.."

"No, you're not sorry. If you were sorry you would just tell me," I said. I scrubbed the dishes vigorously. I needed something to take my anger out on.

"Jasper."

"Leave me alone," I told him. Then I felt bad. "Please?" I asked him quietly. I glanced over at him. He walked away and I could see how tired he was. His shoulders were slumped and he looked so…broken.

No. I wasn't going to feel sorry for him. I wasn't going to be sympathetic towards him when he couldn't tell me what he was keeping from me.

I finished the dishes in no time as I tried to work out my anger. But my anger barely faded and I was still pissed when I walked into Edward's bedroom.

I resisted slamming the door and flopped down on the futon across the room.

"He didn't tell you, did he?" Edward asked. I glanced up at him and I couldn't hold back the anger in my eyes. I didn't want to be angry at him but that was a stupid question that he just asked.

"No." It was quiet for a moment and my anger started to die down. Edward was still staring at me from across the room.

"So I guess we aren't going to the party then," Edward said softly.

"Wait. What? You don't want to go?" What did I do now? I mean, I knew I was a little mad but I didn't mean to do anything.

"No, I do want to go." He said brushing his black hair away from his face. I swear that boy needed to cut his damn hair.

"Then why would you ask that?"

"I thought that if he didn't tell you what you wanted to know that you would leave." He held my eyes and I forced myself not to look away.

"Just because I'm mad at my dad doesn't mean that I didn't want to hang out." His green eyes looked doubtful.

"You didn't come to hang out with me. You wanted answers from your dad." He finally looked away from me and sat back against his pillows. I felt like I was possessed as I got up from the futon. It was like there was a whole different person inside of me moving me towards Edward.

"Yes, I did come to get answers from my dad. But what if I told you that I also came because I wanted to hang out?" I was standing only two feet from him. Edward was staring at me and I felt frozen in place. I didn't know what to do.

After a minute of not speaking I felt like a total idiot. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

"Did you still want to go?" I asked him. He bit his lip and nodded. "Okay then," I sighed. "Now we wait."

It was forever until eleven came around. I almost began to think that Edward and I wouldn't even make it to the party. I felt like Renee and my dad knew what we were up to. They went to bed around nine thirty but then they would get up to go to the bathroom or in the kitchen. Finally they hadn't left their bedroom anymore and I could hear my dad snoring down the hall. It was safe to go.

"You ready?" I asked Edward as I stood up.

"Yeah," he said looking away from me. He was hiding behind the curtain of his dark hair but I could tell that he was nervous.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I didn't want to pressure him into going with me. I mean, we could just hang out here in his bedroom.

_And what are you going to use to distract you when the tension becomes too much?_

Fuck. I did need a distraction though. Being with him that much was beginning to drive me crazy. Not in a bad way though. It was taking all I had not to give into the monster inside of me and attack him. It was making me fucking nuts.

"Yeah," Edward finally looked up at me.

"Okay," I had to look away from him. Those green eyes were too intense. They were luring me to do things that I shouldn't want to do.

I walked over to the window and started raising it as quietly as I could. Now wouldn't be the best time to be busted. I had learned that after my many parties. It was better to get busted getting back than before you even got there. That way you could still go to the party. It was simple really.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked coming up behind me. I tensed up at his closeness. My whole entire body was reacting to the warmth coming from him and the scent of him. Damn, he smelt so good. Fuck, Jasper, get it together! I turned around to face him.

"We can't exactly go out the front door. They would hear us." Jeez, he really hadn't snuck out before had he?

"Right," he sighed. "I guess we can't take the car either." I shook my head.

"Trust me, it will be worth it," I told him.

"I'm sure it will," he smirked at me and his green eyes were playful. My cock played traitor and I turned towards the window. "Wait." I felt a jolt flow through my body as he grabbed my arm. I turned to see his worried green eyes.

"What?" my voice was hoarse and I forced myself not to cringe.

"I've never snuck out a window before," he mumbled. I chuckled a little bit even though my body was thrumming with electricity from his touch.

"Don't worry. There's a first time for everything. And besides, you've got me as a teacher." I smirked at him. "I'm a pro at climbing out windows."

I grabbed a hold of the windowsill and swung my leg over. I pushed myself off the ledge and landed on the ground with a dull thud. It was effortless from me. And besides, this was only a little more than seven feet to the ground. I'd been higher before.

I glanced up at Edward in the window.

"C'mon!" I whispered up at him. "Just copy what I did."

He nodded and swing his leg over. I glanced away for only a second and there was a crash. I made my way over to him as fast as I could.

"Fuck, Edward, are you okay?" I asked him. I crouched down next to him and touched his back.

"Ughh," Edward groaned. I sighed in relief.

"You okay?" I asked him. He started laughing. "What?" I asked him. He had just fallen out a window and he was laughing? What the hell?

"You said this was supposed to be easy," he said as his laughter faded. I was crouched by his side just staring at him. I realized that I was still touching him and I got up. I held out a hand to help him and he grabbed it. We had walked about two blocks when Edward started chuckling again.

I glanced at him curiously. It was good to see him like this- happy, carefree. He was like a totally different Edward. But it was kind of weird to be laughing for no apparent reason.

"I was just thinking that if I had that much trouble getting out of the window that it's going to be really hard getting in." I burst out laughing. I had a picture in my head of Edward dangling from the siding of the house trying to get in the window.

Edward laughed with me too and for once everything was perfect. I should've known that I would fuck it up.

The party was in full swing by the time we arrived. We weren't late; we were just joining the party in the middle of things. As soon as I walked through the door I was called over by some guys that I knew. I wouldn't say that we were friends because we didn't talk or hang out much. They were just some guys that I partied with nothing more.

I walked over to them but their smiles faded and they weren't even looking at me. They were the ones who called me over there and they couldn't even look at me? What the hell? I followed their eyes to where they were settled on Edward who was standing next to me.

"What the hell is he doing here?" one of the guys asked. I think his name was Tyler. I glanced over at Edward to see that he wasn't looking at them and his face was red. Fuck. This was supposed to be fun and now he had to go through this…

"I invited him," my voice was gruff and firm. I wasn't fucking playing around. I wasn't going to stand there and watch them torture him. He didn't deserve it. They didn't even know him.

_Isn't that what you did? Weren't you even worse than them?_

"Oh so now you're buddies?" another guy snickered. Mike. "When did that happen? The last we heard was that you hated the guy. That's what you been saying all along- that he's a fag and you couldn't fucking stand him." The guys burst out laughing.

"Fag!" another one shouted but he wasn't looking at me. I already knew that he was walking away before I even looked. It just hurt to know that I was the one that he was walking away from. It was my fault anyway.

But I was pissed nonetheless. They didn't need to bring that up while he was standing there. They didn't have the right to throw that back in my face.

_Don't they?_

"It's none of your goddamn business anyway!" I yelled at them. They stopped laughing but smirks were plastered on all of their faces. "And you better not say one more fucking word about him or-"

"Or what?" Mike sneered. "You're going to beat me up?" he said as he pretended to cower. "I don't think you can, Jasper. Don't you see what he's done to you? He's turning you into a fag just like he is." The rest of the guys snickered.

"I'm not a fag!" I yelled as I stormed over to him. Two of his friends held me back and I was struggling to break free. I swear that if they had let me go that Mike would have been seriously hurt. I wouldn't have cared though; the fucker really deserved it. "What? What?" I yelled. "You scared that I'm going to beat you up? I yelled. Mike laughed.

"No. I just don't want any of your gayness on me." His friends pushed me back into the crowd where the party was still going on around us. Mike and his friends laughed as they walked away.

I don't know why I just stood there. I really wanted to go after them and beat the shit out of Mike. But I didn't. I guess that although I was still angry there was no more fight left in me. I had screwed everything up once again. But I had to find Edward and apologize.

I started making my way through the party. Music was blaring in my ears and girls were grinding up against me but I hardly paid them any attention. I was entirely focused on searching through the people to find Edward. I still hadn't seen him when I ended up in the kitchen.

"You wanna beer?" some girl asked. I nodded without looking her. I was still scanning the room for Edward. But then my vision was cut off and there was a girl standing in front of me.

She was pretty. She had wavy, long brown hair and brown eyes. She was utterly beautiful.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing." I grabbed the beer from her and drank a few mouthfuls.

"Looking for your girlfriend?" she asked. I felt my face heat up.

"No," my voice was a little rough. "Just a friend."

"So no girlfriend then?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Why?" I asked her even though I could probably guess.

"Well," she smiled. " I was wondering if you wanted to dance- after you find your friend that is."

I smirked. "Maybe."

Wait. Now was not the time to be flirting with girls no matter how pretty they were. I needed to go find Edward.

I drained my beer and opened another one before telling the girl that I would find her later. I doubted I would but it didn't really matter did it?

I headed back into the throng of dancing bodies and continued on my search for Edward. There was only one part of the house that I hadn't been through. Upstairs.

As I made my way past the couples making out in the hallway a thought came to mind.

_What if he wasn't here? I mean, he had more than enough reasons to leave. _

Fuck. Why didn't I think of that sooner. If I was him I wouldn't have stayed so why would he?

I went back downstairs with the intention of leaving. There wasn't really a reason for me to stay anymore was there?

But then that old part of me took over. There was no stopping it.

I grabbed some stronger booze and decided to get smashed. I was an idiot and I knew that. I just didn't care. I had fucked everything up anyway so why the hell should I suffer anymore?

My vision was blurry and I could hardly understand what was going on around me as I danced with the girls nearby. I was completely trashed and I had no care in the world.

I hardly noticed the pretty girl that I met in the kitchen until she was practically in front of me.

"So, did you find your friend?" she asked.

"Fuck no," I slurred and tried to smile. "But I found you." She laughed and her whole face brightened up. "So you ready for that dance?" I asked her.

"Sure," she said and wrapped her arms loosely around my neck. "But there's something I wanted to know. She bit her lip and it sent my hormones raging out of control.

"What's that honey?" I smirked at her.

"Your name," she blushed and looked away.

"Jasper. And what's _your_ name darlin?"

"Bella," she smiled.

The conversation died and I felt myself begin to sway and lose myself with her. I closed my eyes and let everything come over me.

But then the song changed to a faster paced sound. Bella danced in front of me and I was almost entranced by the way she moved. She was fucking perfect.

_And you're just using her._

No I wasn't.

It was that exact moment that I opened my eyes and saw _him._

He was standing at the other side of the room and he was staring at me. Then I noticed that he was wrapped around a girl and he was dancing to the beat of the music. It wasn't just some random girl though. It was Alice.

I felt like someone had punched a hole in my stomach. I was so fucking jealous that it was almost unbearable. I couldn't just stand there and watch them could I?

_They're together. Just leave them alone._

No.

"I have to go, sweetie, " I yelled in Bella's ear. She turned around and she had the cutest little pout on her face. It almost made me want to stay where I was with her and forget all about Edward. Almost.

"Already?" she asked. I nodded. "Here," she said and she tucked a slip of paper in my pocket. "Call me sometime." She gave me one last smile and walked away. I didn't know what to think. I didn't even know if I was going to call her.

I made my way across the room. Edward wasn't looking at me anymore but my eyes were glued on him. He had to be feeling my gaze burning a hole through his shirt. I mean, that's what happened to me every time he stared at me so intensely.

It felt like it took me years to make it across the room. I had to elbow and shove my way through the dancing bodies to make it to the other side of the room. But I made sure the whole time that Edward was still standing there. I hadn't searched for him the entire night just to lose him again.

I finally made it over to them. They were both silently staring at me as I stood before them. I felt dizzy and confused but that didn't hide the regret and shame that I was feeling. My red face was proof of that.

"I've been looking for you all night," I said. I didn't know what else to say.

"Really?" Edward sounded doubtful and even a little sarcastic.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked him. I doubted he could hear me over the music and noise in the room. He just nodded and we moved outside where there were fewer people. Alice followed us. I was more than uncomfortable with her. I just wished she would just go the fuck away. "I'm sorry," I said. My voice was still slurred. Fuck. I was drunker than I thought. "I did say those things but I didn't know you then."

"You don't know me now," Edward said coldly.

"I know that!" I snapped. "I was a fucking asshole to you. Can't you see that I'm trying to change that? I never meant what I said to those guys," I mumbled pathetically. Things were spinning around me and all I could focus on were Edward's green eyes a few feet in front of me. I didn't feel right.

I don't know what happened but I knew that I ended up leaning on Edward with him supporting me. I could smell him everywhere. I never knew that I loved the smell of pine trees that much. But I did then.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his jacket. I tried to put myself together but I could barely open my eyes and my legs felt like Jell-O.

"Shh, Jasper," I heard him in my ear. I squeezed the arm that was supporting me and I drifted.

"Jasper, wake up." Someone was shaking me. I didn't want to open my eyes, hell I didn't even want to move. But where the fuck was I anyway?

I cracked open an eye and realized that I was in a car. Alice's car. She glared at me in the driver's seat but I didn't really care. Edward was standing outside the car next to me.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to pass out," my voice was gravely and I stumbled out of the passenger's seat. I stumbled over the curb and almost planted face first into the grass. Edward's arms caught me and I felt the smell of him surround me. My body was also thrumming from his touch. "Thanks," I cleared my throat. He slowly let me go. I wanted to think that it was because he didn't want to let me go but I knew that he was only making sure that I wasn't going to fall. Hell, he should've just let me fall. I fucking deserved it.

"No problem," Edward said. Then over my shoulder, "Thanks Alice. You're a lifesaver."

"I know. You owe me," she said and drove away. My brain was occupied for a minute as I thought of what her form of repayment was.

_Is that any of your business?_

Whatever. I didn't even care. Or that's what I told myself anyway.

"C'mon, we gotta get inside," Edward said next to me. I didn't feel as drunk as I did at the party but I was still a little unsteady on my feet. I wasn't really worried about it though. Edward was there to help me every time I tripped.

Once we were standing underneath Edward's bedroom window things didn't look that easy anymore. I was drunk off my ass and Edward didn't know shit about climbing in windows. We had no other way to get in the house though since Edward hadn't brought his house keys. And I sure as hell wasn't going to knock on the door so Renee or Charlie could answer the door.

"Okay, so I'll help you up first and then I'll climb in," I told Edward the plan. He was just staring at me. "What?" Like he had a better plan because there wasn't any other fucking plan!

"You might drop me," he said. His green eyes darted away from mine to look up at the window.

"I won't," I promised him. I wasn't going to hurt him.

_Oh, but you already broke that promise remember?_

"Okay," he swallowed and my attention was called to his neck. Fuck that was sexy. I could just imagine him on his knees and watching him swallow my cock with his Adam's apple bobbing…

No. I couldn't be thinking about that now. So what if I was a little drunk and horny. I needed to get myself together if we were both going to make it through the window without anything being broken.

We moved over to the window- Edward in front and me behind.

"I'm going to have to help you," I made sure that he knew. He nodded. I wrapped my arms around his waist and I felt him tense up. His reaction made something in me twist. I felt like he had rejected me. But even if he was I still had to get him up to the window.

I started to pick him up and he raised his arms toward the windowsill. Then he started slipping. My arms were still tight around him but he was sliding through them so I quickly moved my hands even lower and tried to hoist him up.

He gasped.

Why the fuck was he gasping?

I realized where my hands were. They were spread over his hips and my hands were resting near his cock. And then I felt it getting hard in his pants.

The normal reaction for a straight guy would be to drop him and call him a fag, or to be freaked out. I wasn't. I hadn't remembered a time that I had gotten hard as fast as I had then. It was unbelievable how turned on I was.

I gave him one hard shove as I pushed him up. He grabbed the window and he was in. I took a few minutes to breathe and to calm myself down. I knew that if I was to get in that window right then that I would probably attack the boy.

No, that wasn't me thinking. It was my cock talking. I was drunk anyway so it wasn't like that was what I really wanted to do. Not at all.

I was lying to myself. But that didn't matter.

I was still battling with my thoughts when Edward's head appeared in the window.

"Jasper? Are you coming?" he whispered. His words did nothing for my raging hard on. I knew that he didn't catch his sexual innuendo but still. I held back a groan and nodded. He didn't move away from the window.

I was still kind of drunk so getting in the window wasn't nearly as easy as it used to be. I climbed the siding and got a hold of the windowsill fine but then I couldn't pull myself up. My legs felt like they were stuck in mud and the veins in my arms were bulging from the effort of holding myself up.

But finally I found an ounce of strength in me and I tumbled into the room. I rolled over on my back and lay there for a moment catching my breath. My eyes were closed and I felt dizzy as fuck. Only a few seconds later I heard Edward by my side.

"Jasper? Jasper! Are you okay?" he whispered. I could hear the worry in his voice and I really wanted to answer. I couldn't; I was too tired to do anything but just lie there. That's when I felt a sharp sting and a heard a smack.

Fuck that hurt! I opened my eyes to see Edward kneeling over me. He was so close that I could feel his breath on my face. He was biting his lip and his green eyes were watching mine.

"Sorry," he whispered so quietly I barely heard him.

His green eyes were all that I could see. His scent was all that I could smell. He was everywhere.

My hands came up and suddenly they were in his hair. I pulled his face to mine and then my lips were on his.

My stomach was going nuts and my emotions were running even wilder. I had never kissed anyone like this. Not like I meant it.

But then I realized something. He wasn't kissing me back.

I broke the kiss in less than a few seconds. I scrambled away from him and across the room. His hair was falling around his face but I could see the shock in his green eyes.

"S- sorry," I stuttered. "Fuck," I ran out of the room and into the bathroom. I closed the door quietly and locked it.

I was shaking badly and my entire face was a deep shade of red.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I was supposed to be straight and here I was kissing Edward. I wasn't supposed to notice how soft his lips were or how great the kiss was compared to the kisses with girls that meant nothing to me. Did this even mean he meant anything to me?

_What do you think?_

I wasn't ready to admit that. I couldn't admit that.

And then above everything there was the fact that he didn't kiss me back and I probably messed up whatever little bit of friendship that we had. There was no going back from this. Hell, I couldn't even leave without my dad or Renee knowing. I had seriously ruined everything.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn't know.

_Just blame it on being drunk. That's what you would usually do._

I had a serious feeling that that wouldn't work this time.

I was freaked out and honestly scared to go back into Edward's room. I had done everything I could not to go in there. I don't know how long I stayed in the bathroom; I just knew that I had to go back in there whether I wanted to or not.

I walked into the room and avoided eye contact with him like it would save my life. I wanted to just crawl into bed, yank the covers over my head, and forget about everything that had happened. Yeah, that just wasn't happening.

I got in the covers and was lying there when he cleared his throat. I thought that he wouldn't talk to me ever again but apparently he had a different plan in mind.

I was afraid to look at him. I didn't move and he didn't talk. But then I heard him get off his bed and pad over to the futon. I knew he was standing there and I had my eyes closed tightly shut so that way I couldn't see him. What I wasn't expecting was for him to actually get _on _the bed.

I opened my eyes to see him sitting cross-legged on the bed facing me. He was relaxed against the wall but he was staring at me. I immediately tensed and sat up.

"About what happened" Edward started. I cringed at his words and cut him off.

"Please, let's not talk about it, okay?" I asked him. My voice sounded desperate and I fucking hated it. Just because I kissed some guy while I was drunk did not mean that I had become so fucking pansy or some shit. "I'm sorry. Let's just forget it ever happened," I said quietly.

"Okay," his voice was quiet and I gathered all of my courage to meet his gaze. His eyes looked…disappointed. I had no clue what to make of it.

I fingered the edge of the blanket and stared at my lap. Edward was still sitting there at the end of the futon and I had no idea what to do. It was awkward and tense all around.

But then my mind started wandering and I began thinking that maybe I had just pushed him away even more. He might've just said "okay" and not have really meant it. I ended up blurting the one question on my mind.

"We're still friends aren't we?" I asked him. I couldn't meet his eyes. I didn't want to see his expression, especially if it was bad.

"Of course." My head flew up and I saw the hurt in his eyes before he looked away. I had thought that this would change everything. I felt myself become less tense and I relaxed a bit. I had almost lost the only thing that wasn't spinning out of control in my life.

I expected Edward to go back over to his bed on the other side of the room. He didn't. What he did though was give me another little piece of him.

"After my dad died one of the problems I have had is trusting people. I don't really talk to many people, my mom included. I just didn't know how to cope with the hurt that came with trusting people," he said. He glanced at me as he talked. "I met Alice then. She helped me out of the funk I was in. She was the only one that I could really talk to. But now I have you, or at least I hope," he looked at me. I nodded. "I haven't the faintest clue why I trust you, but I do. It just scares me when you run away, when you push me away," his voice was soft and I knew he was holding back some sort of emotion.

"Sorry," I murmured again. He didn't reply. "I just thought that after I had fucked up everything that this would be the last straw, you know?"

"I know," he sighed. "You didn't." I smiled. "What was that you did again?" he asked with a smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes. I laughed a little but I knew my face was bright red. I was glad that he was just playing this off. We could just forget it and move on.

_But do you really want to forget?_

He moved to get up but then he paused.

"Oh, and thanks for taking me to the party. I mean, besides you know," he trailed off. Yeah, that fucked up excuse of a party.

"No problem. And I'm sorry about that, too."

"Will you stop apologizing?" he said exasperatedly. I laughed a little bit.

"You sure that wasn't your first party?" I teased him.

"You sure it wasn't your first time through a window?" he countered. We laughed quietly and he made his way to his own bed.

We both got all settled and I couldn't help sneaking glances at him. He caught my eye once before he turned off the light.

"Goodnight, Jasper," he murmured quietly.

"G'night," I mumbled.

I couldn't fall asleep though. I just kept thinking about the kiss and how it was going to be damn near impossible to forget. My stomach twisted with both confusion and happiness. I had no fucking clue what to do anymore. Hell, who was I anymore?

* * *

**~SUNDAY~**

I woke up hearing her screaming. I didn't know what the hell she was going off about but I knew it was about me because she had yelled my name a few times.

I glanced over at the clock by Edward's bed. It was only seven fucking thirty in the morning and she was out there having a fit. I had barely six hours a sleep and I was confused enough as it was.

My eyes were immediately drawn to Edward. I didn't think that he would be up but of course he was listening to the yelling too. I glanced away quickly as I remembered the things that had happened the night before. Unbelievable but true.

"No Charlie!" she yelled and I felt myself cringe. "I've tried to put up with him, really I've tried. But now he's bringing Edward into this and I am not going to stand for it! He's a bad example if I ever saw one and I don't need him around anymore. Heck, even Edward would agree with me on that!"

"C'mon sweetie. It's just one stupid party," my dad protested. "Besides Jasper really isn't that bad."

"One stupid party?" Renee scoffed. "You and I both know that this isn't going to be a one time thing. I don't want Edward to have anything to do with your son." What the hell? How had they found out about the party and the sneaking out? I mean, I was being extra careful so that way they wouldn't find out.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes with my hands. I felt ashamed and I agreed with most of what she was saying actually. I shouldn't be around Edward and I sure as hell shouldn't have brought him to that party. It's not like we had much fun anyway. I had no fight in me to stay although I wanted to.

"Don't listen to her, Jasper," Edward said from the other side of the room. I looked at him warily but he met my gaze head on.

"Why shouldn't I?" I whispered.

"Don't say that," his voice was firm and the fury in his eyes shook me up a bit. I had never seen him like this.

I didn't have any time to say anything back to him because the door was being thrown open. My dad looked wary and I could almost see the invisible leash that Renee had him on. Renee was angry and her hair looked wild. It was kind of frightening actually.

"I want you out of my house," she said coldly.

"Renee," my dad mumbled pathetically. I wished he would grow some damn balls and stand up for me but apparently that wasn't going to happen. I guess we knew who wore the pants in this relationship.

"I want you to get your things and I don't want to see you ever again. You have ten minutes." I started grabbing my things slowly and I felt like something had died inside of me. It was because I realized something. If I wasn't allowed back I wouldn't be able to see Edward.

"No," his voice was strong and loud. My head snapped up to where he was standing across the room. His hair was disheveled and he looked like he just got out of bed but he was standing up for me.

"Why?" Renee asked her face shocked and eyes full of tears. "Why would you want him stay? Even after all he's done to you?"

I glanced over at Edward. His eyes were hard but I could sense the wariness in him as he glanced from me and his mom. It was kind of like he was deciding who he was going to agree with. I desperately wanted him to pick me but I knew that wouldn't ever happen. He just didn't say anything.

I felt sick and all I knew was that I had to leave.

"I'll go," I murmured. Renee nodded with a hard look. "I'm sorry," I apologized to her but she just rolled her eyes.

"No you're not. It's a good thing that Alice girl told me everything."

"That's none of her business! And it isn't yours either!" Edward said. I watched Renee's eyes grow even angrier.

"Don't speak to me like that. You'll thank me for this one day." That was all she said before she turned around and left the room.

My dad was left standing there awkwardly after he had let Renee walk all over him like that.

"I'll be outside," he said and followed after Renee. Just like a good little puppy.

I was mad but it was mostly at myself. I mean, this was my entire fault anyway. Besides I never asked Edward to choose sides.

_Did he even choose a side? He didn't side with anyone._

No. Maybe not. But I wanted him to say that he wanted me there, that I was his friend. I wanted him to say something to make Renee believe that I wasn't so bad.

I grabbed my stuff and was putting the futon up when he began rambling.

"She's just mad, you know? Of course you'll be able to come back. She's just…overly protective," he mumbled. I nodded but didn't meet his eyes. I blurted out the one question on my mind.

"Why couldn't you say anything?" I asked softly. I watched as his eyes shot to the floor.

"I don't know," he whispered.

"I gotta go," I said as I walked out the door. I didn't look back. I knew that if I did I would probably beg for forgiveness from Renee, to beg to come back. Just as long as I could see him again.

Jeez, I was such a fucking chick but I didn't care though. I could always put that off until later.

I walked out of the room and passed Renee in the living room. I could feel her glaring all the way until we were out of sight from the house.

I couldn't say a word to my dad. The only thing that was going to come out of my mouth were going to be things that he didn't want to hear. First keeping things from me and then not standing up for me….well, things weren't too hot at that moment and I had lost my patience for the day. Maybe even the week.

I slammed the door of the car and walked in my house. Not one word from my mom, just the weirdness that was ever present with her. I couldn't fucking stand it so I went in my room and turned up the music as loud as I could.

I tried to drown everything out. The weirdness from my parents and what they were keeping from me…..the kiss….Edward….everything.

My phone vibrated on my bed and I was reluctant to answer it. I didn't want to hear Lauren's annoying voice or even talk to Emmett. But I looked at my phone anyway. It was a text. I flipped my phone open.

**I should've said that you are my friend and that I want you there. I'm sorry. –E **

I had no clue of who I was. I wasn't the Jasper I was a month ago and I didn't know if I could ever be that guy again. But I knew one thing for sure- I was going to find a way to see Edward, even if Renee didn't want me there.

* * *

**I"m finally back! Yay! **

**First of all sorry for the long wait. I sprained my knee and I couldn't get upstairs to my computer. So instead of finishing chapter five I basically planned the rest of the fic. So it should move along pretty smoothly now. Updates will become regular and hopefully not a month apart. I'm looking to finish this fic this summer!**

**So, I didn't get to reply to all of the reviews but thank you! I'll try to send everyone a message this time. And please review...I'm a little nervous about this one and I'm dying to know what you think! **

**Until next time,**

**PLM**


	8. Chapter 6

**Only two weeks this time! :D Thanks for everyone who wished me well with my leg. I just had an MRI last week and it looks like I will be needing surgery(sometime this summer.) Yikes! But I will still be updating until then...**

**Also, I couldn't answer everyone's reviews...but thank you. I read every single one of them and they really made my day. We had a breaking number of reviews this past chapter!**

**Anyway...enjoy!**

**Chapter 6: That Time You Told Me Everything**

* * *

**~SATURDAY~**

My determination to see Edward again didn't fade in the two weeks following. Actually, I was guaranteed to see him, and my dad of course.

I had chosen to be the bigger person. I screwed up by taking him to that party and I was the only one who could fix it. I mean, I didn't necessarily think that going to that party had been that bad. I had gone to countless parties and I had never seen someone blow up about it as much as Renee.

But I got that she was just being protective of Edward. I just didn't think that she needed to think that going to one stupid party was going to ruin his life. Then again, they seemed to think that Edward was some fragile child that needed to be watched constantly. It wasn't my decision anyhow. It was hers.

So I knew that there was one thing that I could try and it could possibly fix everything. I waited until after school one day and asked Emmett for a ride over there. He questioned me ruthlessly about it but I wasn't going to give in and tell him what it was all about. Rumors had already spread from the pricks at the party. Everyone was gossiping about me and only Emmett stuck by me. I wasn't ready to tell him everything even though I hoped he would understand.

He drove me anyway and everything went as planned. I had made sure that only Renee was going to be home. I didn't want to see my dad's face until I absolutely had to. I was too fucking pissed off at him to face him then.

I had also made sure that Edward wouldn't be home then. It's not that I didn't want to see him, it was just that I was a little embarrassed still. I mean, I had kissed the guy for crying out loud! It wasn't something that you could just get over in a day. No, I had that damn kiss on my mind since I left the house and I had no doubt that it wouldn't go away.

Besides, I just needed time to let things settle and return to normal. Or whatever the hell normal was for me anymore. It didn't really matter though. I wanted things to be less tense and more, I don't know, easier between us. I had never had that much strain about being friends. It was worth it, wasn't it?

Anyway, I walked up to the house with Emmett's eyes burning a hole through the back of my white t-shirt. I knew he was practically dying to know what I was doing there.

I knocked on the door and waited. I crossed my fingers and hoped that I had gotten all of this right. If this didn't work I didn't know how our 'friendship' would work anymore. That would mean he would have to sneak out and I knew that Renee would rather have him sneaking out to a party rather than to hang out with me.

She opened the door and shock was plastered on her face.

"Hi, Renee," I said quietly. Now that I was standing in front of her I felt queasy, ashamed even.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Her voice wasn't loud, or angry but I could tell that she was tense.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute," I said and looked her in the eye. Her brown eyes were wary and I knew that she was debated whether or not she would talk to me.

"Sure," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Thanks," I muttered. I shot a look back at Emmett before closing the door. He gave me a thumbs up and slid down in his seat. He turned his music up and closed his eyes.

I followed Renee into the house and to the kitchen. I slid up onto a stool while she fixed herself a cup of tea. I waited patiently for her to turn around so that way I could tell her what I wanted to.

"So, what would you like to talk about, Jasper?" she asked quietly. I resisted rolling my eyes. She had to know that I was coming here to apologize and to ask to come back. But I would do this her way.

"I'm sorry about what happened last week," I started. The words I had practiced in my head flowed through me. "I admit that taking Edward to that party was wrong," I paused and Renee snorted. She set down the spoon she was using to stir her tea and looked up at me.

"I know it was," she said sternly. "and I shouldn't have been so hard on you. This is your father's house as well as mine and I shouldn't have made you leave." I sat there knowing that she was going to say more. "Edward means more to me than anything and I know I have issues about letting him go. I just…I don't want to see him hurt again. Ever."

"You might not believe this…but I care about Edward. A lot actually. And I would never do anything to hurt him, at least not intentionally," my voice sounded weird and I glanced at the countertop. This wasn't supposed to be so damn emotional. I was just supposed to apologize be forgiven and then leave. I wasn't expecting this.

"I know you do, Jasper," she sighed. My head shot up so fast that my neck cracked.

"What?"

"The ones you hurt the most are always the ones you care about," she spoke softly. Great, now this had turned into some Hallmark card or some shit. Unbelievable.

_You're only getting angry because it's the truth. _

Well, so what?

"See, but that's why I flipped out about the party. I figured that if I could keep you away from Edward or make him hate you that he wouldn't get hurt. I was wrong but I know I'm right too." What the hell? I gave her a look and she continued. "You say you care about him a lot but I know that means you are going to hurt him a lot."

"I'm never going to hurt him!"

"That's good to hear, then," Renee smiled. "So you'll be here this weekend then?"

I nodded. It seemed like she was guessing what was going on between Edward and I? I mean that shit about hurting the one you care about was for lovers and people like that. We weren't anywhere close to lovers and would never be. Heck, we had a hard enough time dealing with this 'friendship' we had going on.

I turned around once as I left the kitchen. Her brown eyes were hard and stern; it was kind of scary. The first thought that I had was that she probably didn't believe me. I wouldn't have. I knew that if I ever hurt Edward again that it would be a lot worse then this. A ton worse.

I closed the door behind me but I could still feel those eyes on me.

* * *

It was Saturday night and I was waiting for my dad to come and get me. My mom was stuck in her studio like she had been for the last two weeks. She hadn't even said two words to me during that time. I truly fucking hated it. It was almost like she died that night that she got in that car crash. I didn't have a mom anymore. I just had a stranger that lived in my house and cooked once in a while.

Although I was angry with my mom I was even angrier with my dad. As he pulled to the curb the fury in me blazed. I kept thinking about how he wouldn't say a word when Renee was throwing me out of the house. I didn't want him to lie down and take it. He needed to be a man and he sure as hell wasn't.

I got in the car and tried to keep my anger tamed inside of me. But the monster was growing larger and it was almost unbearable to keep in anymore.

"What's wrong, Jasper?" my dad asked. My blood boiled hearing that question emerge from his lips. How could he possibly ask me that and not have a single clue as to what was wrong? And there were many possible answers to that question too. I was mad at him for not sticking up from me…from hiding secrets from me…the whole fiasco with my mom…everything.

"How the fuck could you just let Renee walk all over you? Couldn't you say that I could stay? She doesn't run everything you know! And you just stood there! You couldn't even say anything…and you let her kick me out! Your own son!" the rage came out of me. My dad looked shocked and he wouldn't look at me. "What? Don't have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" he sighed but I could see that he was angry too. It sure as hell shouldn't be at me either. I actually had a reason to be pissed at him. He didn't have anything on me.

"I don't want you to say a damn thing. I want you to grow some balls," I spit through clenched teeth. I had no clue how I had kept all of this inside of me.

"That's enough!" my dad growled.

"Whatever," I said and glared out the window. I wasn't through with being angry but I knew when to quit. Minutes passed by and my temper slowly started to fade. I was still angry, of course, but I didn't feel like I was going to explode or anything anymore.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," he finally muttered. I felt some satisfaction but that sorry didn't mean that much. People said sorry all the time just to fix things or because they didn't know what to say. "I couldn't stop her," he mumbled.

"You couldn't say anything? Jeez, dad. I thought you were a grown man…" I trailed off.

"You don't understand Jasper!" my dad said fiercely. "You have no clue what she would do for Edward. You have no clue what he's been through, how hurt he's been, how much he's changed. Did you think I was going to get in her way of protecting him?"

"What about me?" the hurt jolted through my stomach.

"I should've said something, yes. She overacted, yes. And I'm sorry for that." His words were just words to me. I felt like there was some other secret concerning Edward that I didn't know about. Why else would they guard him so fiercely?

It was quiet the rest of the way to his house. It wasn't so tense between us anymore but there were a lot of things left unsaid between us. But I couldn't help thinking what it was that Edward went through and the things that I was left out on. Maybe I would ask….

We were getting out of the car when things hit me again. I didn't realize how being angry at my dad had made all my anxiety about seeing Edward disappear. But now it was back full blast.

Would things be okay now? Would he mention the kiss? What would happen would I see him? And what about those thoughts that I was having about him? I mean, I definitely didn't think it was normal to think about your 'friend' when you were jerking off or getting hard by his looks or the things he does. It wasn't right, was it? But it happened to me….

I finally made it in the house but my stomach was in knots. I didn't know what to think and my heart was pounding frantically.

Damn. Calm it down Jasper. You're acting like some Disney channel chick talking to her crush or something.

_So you admit you're crushing on him?_

No. I wasn't. I most definitely wasn't.

I realized that my fears were completely gone to waste seeing that Edward was locked up in his room. I had psyched myself up about seeing him and he wasn't even around. But that meant for the time being I could breathe easy.

Renee popped out from the kitchen and welcomed me. It was like the last weekend I was there hadn't even happened.

"Hi," I mumbled. I could feel my cheeks heating up as I remembered the things that I had told Renee about Edward. I just didn't go telling people that type of thing.

Oh shit, what if she told Edward? How was I supposed to face him then? First I kiss him when I was drunk and then I blurt to his mom that I care about him. And not just care about him…that I care about him a lot. The nerves were back more than ever.

"Did you want to go to the movies?" she asked me.

"Umm," the thought of going to the movies wasn't all that appealing. Besides, there wasn't anything good playing anyway.

"C'mon we can finally do something together," my dad said. I wanted to say that we never did anything and that every time I came over there him and Renee had to go somewhere. But I held my tongue.

"Uh, you guys should just go," I said. My dad looked sad for a moment before he caught himself.

"Okay then kiddo," his said and smiled at me.

"You two can order pizza. We'll be back later," Renee said. Then they were gone. I was there for not even three whole minutes and they were already leaving. If that didn't say something then I didn't know what did.

I paced the living room not knowing what to do. Here I was by myself and I couldn't find the courage to walk ten feet down the hallway to Edward's room. Yep, I was a fucking sissy.

_C'mon Jasper. It isn't that hard._

I cleared my mind as best as I could and made my way down the hallway. My breaths were coming as pants and my mind was running wild once more. But I wasn't going to just stop and turn around.

I took a few deep breaths as I stood in front of his door. Something so simple as knocking on a door should've been simple. It wasn't.

I raised my hand up and knocked. I waited.

"Leave me alone," I heard his muffled voice. Those three words hit me like a freight train. He was mad. He was mad about me kissing him and now he wanted nothing to do with me. But I didn't leave. No, my feet wouldn't let me move an inch from the spot where I was standing.

"It's me," I said my voice a little shaky. "Jasper." What the hell? Why did I have to say that? Of course he would know it was me….

He didn't answer. I was ready to just walk away when I heard his footsteps coming up to the door.

"Can I come in?" I asked softly.

"Will you promise that you won't say anything?" I heard him ask. What in the world was he talk about?

"I promise," I told him through the door although I didn't have a damn clue what he was talking about.

I heard the click of the lock being turned and his footsteps walking away from the door. I hesitantly opened the door and walked into the room. Edward was across the room getting on his bed. I noticed his hair as soon as I saw him. The black shaggy locks that he usually had were gone. It was short and it looked really different on him. It wasn't nearly as short as mine, but it was still a big difference compared to what he used to have.

"Are you seriously tripping about some haircut?" the question popped out of me. I kind of found it hard to believe that he would make such a fuss about it. Then again, maybe he loved the 'emo' hair that he used to have.

It was only when he glanced over at me that I noticed the bruises and cuts. His hair was also cut short in the front with some faux hawk thing. It looked pretty damn good. You could see his face and his eyes….and the remnants of some beating he recently had.

His left eye was bruised badly and a red ugly gash was marring his pale check. His lip was swollen too. He looked like he practically got ran over or something.

It was then that I realized that this was what he didn't want me to say anything about. But how was I not? Just seeing him hurt like that was like a stab through me. Anger flowed through me but it wasn't at him. It was at the people who did this to him. But first I had to find out who did it; then I could go beat their fucking asses.

"Who did this?" I seethed. I came closer to him and he looked even worse up close.

"You promised you wouldn't say anything," he mumbled. He looked so broken and it only fueled my anger.

"How the fuck do you expect me not to say anything? Now tell me who did this," I demanded. My hands were shaking so badly with the need to punch something.

"Those guys at the party," he mumbled. The ones that had made fun of Edward…that had spread rumors about me.

"I'm gonna kill him," I spat through my teeth. I snatched my phone out of my pocket to call Emmett.

"Stop," Edward said. He got up and I could see that it was hard for him too. I guessed that if I looked under his shirt that there would probably be bruises on his chest and back too. I was frozen as he stood there.

"No," I said. "I'm not going to let them just get away with this. I can't just sit here and see you like..this," my voice shook. The way he looked reminded me of the time I had hurt him and I felt even more ashamed that this was also my fault. If I hadn't taken him to that party…if I had never said anything to those guys…

_If, if if…_

"They got hurt plenty," he said. Wait. He fought them back? I wasn't saying that I expected Edward to just lie there and take it but I didn't think he would actually fight them back. Or really hurt them.

"What happened?" I asked. I was beginning to calm down a bit but I could barely look at him. Every time I saw his face with all those bruises and cuts on it I felt something rolling in my stomach.

"They showed up after school one day. There wasn't anyone around. They said some things and we ended up fighting," he said hurriedly. I had a feeling that there was something that he wasn't saying.

"What did they say?" I asked quietly. I already knew that they were most likely calling him things like 'fag' and 'homo'. Stuff like that. I didn't expect what he said next. "They were making fun of me. But then they started saying stuff about you. I couldn't just stand there and let them talk about you. And so I hit him and then the fight started." My mind was puzzled. He fought Mike because of me. Me. He didn't fight them because they were making fun of him…he fought them because they were saying shit about me.

I didn't know what to think.

"You shouldn't have done it." I watched his face light up. But it wasn't with happiness.

"I'm not some little kid, Jasper! I'm almost eighteen and I can do whatever the hell I want to! So don't tell me what I shouldn't have done." I was shocked. I had only seen him angry that one time the last time I was there. And it wasn't geared towards me. "They were just saying awful things about you…and I blew up," he sighed. There was some feeling in my stomach, something I didn't recognize. It was actually sort of..fuzzy.

_Awww._

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Just a few cuts and bruises. Nothing serious," he sighed

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," his green eyes blazed as he met my blue ones. "So what do you want on your pizza?" he smiled.

* * *

We were sitting on the floor in the living room with some stupid action movie playing on low. I could tell that Edward was trying to play like he was paying attention to the movie but I knew that he was really looking at me. I couldn't say that I wasn't doing the same.

It was so tense in the room that I could barely think. I was practically going crazy. I didn't know how long I would last sitting there sneaking glances at him. It was like my eyes were drawn to him like a moth was drawn to light.

I found myself staring at him every moment I got. My eyes ravaged his face now that I could see it. I decided that I loved his hair. It looked….fucking hot actually. And combine that hair and those cuts and bruises, he actually looked pretty awesome.

All I could think about was crawling across the floor and grabbing his hair. His brilliant green eyes would meet mine and then I would mend my lips to his. He would moan breathlessly and his lips would attack mine just as fiercely. My hands would slide from those bronze locks down to his neck. I would feel his heartbeat thundering at the joint of his neck and shoulder. He'd pull away and-

"I hate this," Edward spoke. I was snapped out of my fantasy and I realized that I had been gawking at him. And even more than that I was sitting there turned on because he got a haircut.

"What?" I asked him. Was it because I was staring?

"I hate this tension between us. All we ever do is apologize. Or fight. Or fight and then apologize," he confessed. He glanced at me. When I didn't say anything he ran a hand through his hair and my eyes were drawn upwards again.

Jeez. It was almost like I had a hair fetish. Which I didn't. Nope.

We both stared at the t.v and I kept glancing at him. I wanted to talk to him. Just talk to him like you did with friends. And here we were and we weren't even doing anything.

"Wanna play twenty questions? I mean not the real twenty questions game…just asking each other twenty questions?" I managed to ask as I stumbled over my words. I sounded like a bumbling idiot but I didn't expect him to burst out laughing.

He laughed and laughed while I just sat there. His face looked so carefree and young. But I still felt a little stab knowing that he was laughing at me. He finally calmed himself down but his breathing was still irregular.

"Are you serious?" he gasped in between a few chuckles. I looked away as I nodded. I don't know why I came up with that stupid idea. I guess I just wanted to know more about him. I suppose that I didn't need to sound like a chick though. I mean, how often did you see two guys play twenty questions with each other? Never. What they did was they went out for a drink or something.

"Okay," Edward breathed out. I tensed up not knowing if it was from the shock of him saying yes or whatever else. "On one condition though…" he smirked.

"What?"

"You ask the first question," he smiled. I relaxed a little. But what was I supposed to ask him now. Brilliant Jasper, just brilliant.

"Uh…what's your favorite color?" It was stupid and cliché but I didn't care. Edward laughed a little and leaned against the couch.

"Blue. You?"

"Green." He smiled.

"So now I suppose it's my turn isn't it?" he asked. I nodded. He bit his lip as he thought of a question. My body was thrumming with anticipation and something else as I waited.

"What do you want to do after you graduate?" he asked. I had expected him to ask a simple question like what's your favorite food or something. I mean, this question was a little hard for me.

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I've never really thought about it I guess." I also didn't have much to go on if I ever wanted to get anywhere. My high school career was nowhere near spectacular.

"I want to be an artist," Edward said quietly.

"You draw?" I asked. I never knew that. Well, I guess I didn't know that much.

"Yeah."

"Can I see them?" I glanced up at him and his green eyes were panicked. "Never mind, okay? You don't have to show me them," I rushed out the words. He didn't need to feel obligated to do anything that he didn't want to do.

"It's just…I've never shown anyone my drawings," he sighed. "I want to show you…I just don't think I'm ready."

"Okay," I muttered. Things were silent again. I had forgotten who's turn it was to ask a question. "So..umm any girlfriends?" I asked. That was a safe question wasn't it? Besides I was dying to know if him and Alice were together.

"Not right now," he mumbled.

"You're not with Alice?" I sat up. I was facing him now. His eyes were curious as he looked at me.

"Ugh. I don't want to even mention her. I can't believe that she ratted us out on going to that party! I trusted her and then she went and did that!"

"Why did she?"

"I don't know. I'm not talking to her," his voice was exasperated.

"So you're not together?" I cringed. I sounded nosy but I was too curious to let it go.

"No. Just friends," he gave me a weird look.

The silence that followed was abrupt. Edward stared at me as he thought of a question.

"When did you change how you thought about me?" he asked. What? Did he know how I was feeling about him and how the hell did he found out? Shit, this wasn't supposed to have happened. "I mean when you stopped hating me," he clarified. Oh. Okay. I breathed out. At least I could handle this question. Maybe.

"Remember that time I hit you?" I asked even though I knew he remembered. He nodded and I could see a hint of pain in his eyes. That was because of me. I glanced away. "After I hit you I saw you lying there on the floor and your eyes….they were glassy, hurt. I felt so bad about what I did to you. Especially after you told me about your dad two weeks before then. I hated you because you were taking my place. But then I realized that you weren't," I finished. Telling all that to him was confessing everything. I hated it but at the same time I welcomed it. I was like a walking contradiction.

His green eyes were intense when I glanced over at him. It seemed like he was having an internal battle. But then he glanced away for a moment before returning his gaze to mine.

"It's your turn," he murmured. Oh right.

"Umm…can I see your tattoo again?" Where the hell did that question come from?

"Uh..sure," he muttered. He pulled off his shirt and turned around. His tattooed wings were as brilliant as ever. The gray of the wings and the white of the swirls along with the black outlines were amazing. Then the subtle coloring as they wrapped around his ribs.

"I fucking love this," I murmured. I felt my face heat up and I was glad that he was turned away from me.

"Thanks," he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Did it hurt?" I asked him. He put his t-shirt on and turned back towards me.

"Not really. It stings a little but you get used to it."

"I think I might want to get a tattoo," I told him. I'd always wanted one but I never knew what I should get.

"Yeah?" his eyebrows raised. I nodded.

"Maybe you could help me with a design or something?…." I trailed off. Edward's eyes practically bugged out of his head.

"M-me?" he stuttered. "But I don't know if I'm any good and you'll have to live with it forever," he ranted.

"I'm sure it will look awesome," I reassured him with a smile.

"You're serious?" He was still gaping.

"Very." I said. "But only if you want to. Just think about it," I offered and he nodded still looking shocked. "Your turn," I smirked.

It was quiet for a moment and I realized how close I was sitting next to him. I had moved closer when he was showing me his tattoo and I was barely three feet from him. But I couldn't exactly move without drawing attention to myself.

"What was your old life like before your mom and dad spit up?" he asked. How the hell was I supposed to answer that? I mean, it really wasn't a simple answer.

"It was nice…I wouldn't exactly say better. I think I always knew that they were going to break up. I don't really remember that much, really. I was only ten when they split. But I do remember going to the park and picnics with them. I always felt…safe…comfortable." It hurt to remember how good things were back then. How simple they were. But then again things were always more simple when you were nine or ten.

"Do you ever wish it were the same?" his voice was quiet.

"Sometimes," I admitted. I paused. It was my turn for a question. I knew exactly what I wanted to ask but I didn't know if it would be okay to ask it. Or even if Edward would answer it. "Can I ask you something?"

"No," he laughed. I rolled my eyes. Duh. We were asking questions…

"I mean, it might be kind of personal…." I muttered.

"It's about my dad dying isn't it?" he guessed. I nodded.

"My dad, and your mom, keep acting like something really bad happened. They protect you like you're a piece of glass. I just…I wondered if I was missing something. You don't have to tell me," I assured him. I didn't want to cross the line with this game.

"You're right Jasper. There is something that I didn't tell you and they haven't told you it either," his voice was weird and his eyes were guarded. " I tried to kill myself," he admitted. I tried not to let the shock register on my face but I knew that he could see it anyway. "I'm not suicidal now….and I regret what I tried to do. I was just upset and I had lost almost everything I had. My dad…my house, school, friends…There was nothing left for me to live for," he sighed.

No words came to mind and I didn't know what to say.

"They watch me so carefully because they think it will happen again. My mom is so scared every time something bad happens to me. And I hate it. I really do. I can't stand having her think that although I know that she just wants the best for me. I'm a different person now…and there is no going back to that. Ever," his eyes were dark with all the emotion trapped inside of them. "But everyone's waiting for it to happen. That's why my mom freaked out about the party. She thinks something might 'trigger' something inside of me and then I'll want to off myself," he said as an afterthought.

All I could think about was how glad I was that nothing happened to him. I had never thought that that was what had happened. I couldn't even imagine going through that. But then I thought of how he must have been feeling. I doubt that he had wanted to talk about this. It couldn't have been easy on him to bring this up. I was just about to ask him if he was okay when he jumped up and ran from the room. A few seconds later I heard a door being shut.

Great. I had just ruined everything. I should've never said anything. It was none of my damn business anyway. Why did I never learn to keep my mouth shut?

I heard a door open and then suddenly Edward was back in the living room.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I didn't mean for you to bring all that up…this was just supposed to be fun and I made you bring that up…I'm sorry I upset you," I rambled like the idiot I was.

"Jasper," he chuckled a little. "It's okay," the smile faded and he looked anxious. "There's just….I need to tell you something."  
"Okay…"I sighed. Edward began pacing the floor in front of the t.v and my eyes followed him. What could he have to tell me that he was freaking out so badly about?

"Let me start by saying this…I've never felt like this before. Not with anyone. I mean I'm bi so of course this isn't that strange for me…..but it's never been like this….I'm so confused and trusting you is hard," he stumbled over his words in a rush. "I know you told me to forget about what happened but I can't. Every minute of every hour of everyday I'm thinking about you..about that kiss. I can't get it out of my head…I can't get you out of my head," he confessed. He was finally looking at me by the end. So that's what was in those green eyes of his. What had probably been there all along. Desire.

I was speechless. My heart and mind kept hearing those words over and over again. So he _did_ feel that way about me? I felt something twinge inside of me.

"Please say something," his voice was strained and pleading. What the hell was I supposed to say?

_Say what you feel- that you can't stop thinking about that kiss either. That you want him too._

But that meant admitting that I wasn't straight. That meant that everything I knew would change. I wouldn't be the same Jasper anymore. I just stared at him while my mind tried to process everything and tried to find words. His cheeks were bright red and his eyes were trained on the floor.

"I- I get it, Jasper. You were drunk and it didn't mean anything. Let's just pretend that I never said anything at all okay?" he stammered. He turned and hurried into his bedroom without another word.

* * *

_You're the stupidest fucking idiot I have ever met in my entire life! All you have to do is go down the hallway and tell him how you feel. There isn't a reason to be scared since you already know that he feels the same way now…_

I was sitting on the couch hearing Edward's confession ringing in my mind. I was aching to go in there and tell him everything. Then I would be free to live out my fantasy I had had earlier. I would be able to do that. I could give in to the desires I was feeling.

But I didn't. And I was completely stupid.

I knew that I needed time to process everything. This meant that I had to change. I was at least bi since I had these feelings. But what about coming out? And being with a guy- I had no experience with that! I wouldn't know what to do and I was scared. I mean, what if no one accepted me?

_You're too far ahead._

My thoughts were all over the place as the battle raged within me. I wasn't ready for this.

_Stop being scared. Now go in there and tell him._

I turned off the t.v. and made my way down the hall. I felt like I was going to throw up I was so nervous. Even though I really didn't have anything to be nervous about did I?

I walked into the room. It was mostly dark except for the light on my side. Edward was already in bed and he was underneath his blankets facing away from me. Maybe he was asleep…I mean, I could tell him anytime right?

I slid into bed and stared at the ceiling. I was drifting asleep when I opened my mouth to speak. It wasn't exactly what I needed, or should have, said but at least it was something.

"Thank you for standing up for me," I whispered. I didn't know if he heard or not.

SUNDAY

"So how was the movie?" I asked. I was in the kitchen with my dad and Renee. Edward was in his room sleeping. Or pretending to be sleeping anyway.

I was still beating myself up about not saying anything. But I just needed time. Hearing him confess that made my stomach not up but not in a bad way. I was just confused. It wouldn't be fair to Edward either if I just went with it. I needed to figure some stuff out.

"It was pretty good," my dad said. "It wasn't as good as any of the other X men movies though. But it was decent," my dad commented.

"Damn right it wasn't. Because it didn't have Hugh Jackman in it," Renee huffed. I choked a little on my cereal with laughter.

"So, Jasper…there was something I wanted to mention," my dad began.

"Yeah?" I asked between mouthfuls of cereal.

"I was thinking that we could go camping in a few weeks. You Edward and me. You know..bonding type of thing maybe?" he asked.

"Sure." Renee and my dad stared at me.

"Really?" he asked. "I didn't think you would want to go…"

"Why not? I love camping," I said nonchalantly. I wasn't really all that enthusiastic about having my dad in the picture but camping was all right.

_And it involves seeing Edward…so that's a plus._

I ignored that thought and concentrated on my cereal.

"But that was years ago…I thought maybe you outgrew it."

"Nope," I shook my head.

"Okay, then, it's a plan!" my dad smiled.

"Did something happen last night?" Renee asked. She had begun to notice that Edward wasn't coming out of his room.

"No," I tried to be as nonchalant as possible. I didn't want her to think that anything bad had happened. "We just stayed up really late," I commented. I mean, eleven was considered late wasn't it? It was sort of the truth at least.

"Oh," she looked surprised.

"Hey, kiddo you ready to go?" my dad asked. We really hadn't talked much most of the day but we had hung out in the garage with one of my dad's old Harley. It was nice and I hoped that it would be mine someday. I even knew how to drive it.

"Yep," I said. I had already gotten my things out of Edward's bedroom. As soon as I had come in the door he had thrown the blanket over his head.

I knew what must have been going through his head. He felt rejected and humiliated.

_And you still can't tell him the truth? Even though he's suffering?_

The guilt was enormous inside of me but even that wouldn't make me storm back in his room and confess everything.

The drive home was silent except for a bit of small talk. I waved goodbye as I got out of the car and he drove off.

My mom was waiting for me inside the house. It was weird because I had barely seen her in the last two weeks. She looked pale and she had dark circles under her eyes.

"Jasper," a ghost of a smile lit her lips.

"Hi, mom," I muttered.

"Jasper," she stammered my name.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked softly. I took her by the shoulder and moved her to the couch.

"I can't wait anymore. It's killing me," she muttered so quietly that it was a strain to hear her.

"What? What is it?" I asked tugging on a lock of her brown hair.

"It's what you've wanted to know…what we've been keeping from you. I can't keep it inside anymore. I have to tell you…."

* * *

**Ahhh! Please don't kill me! But please leave a review! - and let me know what you think :D**

**PLM**


	9. Chapter 7

I was stunned into silence as I realized what my mom had just said. My thoughts were going crazy because I was just about to figure out the big secret that my parents were keeping from me. This was it.

But why did I suddenly not want to know? After all this time and fighting how could I not want it? But I had this feeling in the back of my mind that this secret had the potential to ruin everything…

"Okay," I breathed. My mom closed her eyes. She looked so defeated, so broken that I opened my mouth to tell her not to say anything. I didn't. I couldn't.

"I'm not your mom," she said shakily. I froze as I stared at her. She glanced up at me quickly. "I'm your aunt," she murmured. "But I suppose you need to hear the whole story….." I nodded because I didn't trust myself to say anything. "Your mom and dad, Charlie of course, fell in love in high school. They met sophomore year and hadn't ever been apart since. Right after graduation they got married," she smiled softly as she remembered.

"I had never seen anyone more in love than those two. Just being around them made you feel good because you couldn't help but feed off the vibes they were giving off. They both went to the same college; it was in their junior year that things started getting bad…" she trailed off. "She got pregnant that year. It was a shock to everyone and she had told me that she wasn't ready to be a mother. But she did…she had you." My mom…er Esme looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"You were only a few months old when she became depressed; she could hardly look at you. I came over as much as I could…to check up on you, to take care of you…"

"She didn't want me," I whispered realizing what she was saying without actually voicing any words aloud. She didn't even deny it as I watched her eyes get even more teary.

"She got into a lot of heavy drugs; she was hardly ever home. Charlie came home one night and you were left there all alone. No note, no sign of your mom ever being there. Charlie and I both knew that she was gone and she wasn't coming back.

"Charlie called me that night. He didn't know what to do and things were already bad enough. He couldn't stay home all the time and take care of you…he had to work, to make sure that you had somewhere to live, something to eat. So he asked me if I would be willing to help, to take care of you. Of course I said I would; I loved you as if you were my own child. I still do," her words were shaky and I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. There was more to the story and I knew that it was only bound to get worse.

"She disappeared and Charlie and I were the ones that took care of you. It was only a year and a half later when I moved in with your dad. It was easier that way. We didn't expect to fall in love especially with both of us being so close to your mother and all. But we did…and we got married soon after that. It was perfect," she shook her head sadly. "But I kept thinking that it wasn't right for me to take the spot that wasn't mine. I wasn't your real mother and I could never truly call you mine. The guilt…it overpowered me and I became lost in it. All I could think about was that one day your mom was going to come back and get you and that I couldn't stop her since you were hers anyway." She paused for a moment and I felt myself fidgeting. I didn't know how much was left to this story. I didn't know how much I could take.

"I got the phone call two years after Charlie and I had married. You were three almost four then. It was the police down in California. They had called looking for Charlie…to tell him that your mom had passed away. They found her in some crack house and she had already died from an overdose.

"I couldn't help feeling somewhat relieved that I would never have to worry about her coming to get you anymore. I felt awful about it, guiltier than I ever was. That night I went out to a bar; I didn't know why. I got drunk as I tried to drown all the guilty feelings. I kept thinking: Why should I feel guilty after how that woman left you? Why should I feel bad that that I was happy she was dead?

"That haunted me for years. It still haunts me now. Almost two years ago I had gotten drunk….and that's when I was driving. I'm the one who killed Carlisle, Edward's dad."

It was like I knew what she was going to tell before she even said it. Even with all the emotions running through me I knew that it was about to get worse. That I would have even more sadness and anger flowing into me.

"I killed Edward's dad that night," she whispered. I could almost feel the pain in her words. Or maybe I was feeling the pain of being connected, even the littlest bit, to what happened to Edward's dad. "I had to go to court and all that stuff for a DUI and for killing Carlisle. A few weeks later he met Renee. He hadn't searched her out and he didn't even know that she had been married to Carlisle. She doesn't know that it was me who killed Carlisle. Charlie paid a bunch of money to keep things hush hush," she explained.

"How come I didn't know about this?" I asked. Wasn't it important enough for me to know?

"I'm ashamed of it. I did my best to keep it from you." Obviously. But how come I didn't see any of it? I mean, it wouldn't be that hard to tell that something was going on.

_But aren't you always absorbed in your own life? Partying…girls….sound familiar?_

"Is that all?" I hesitated. I was nearly overcome with too many things rolling around inside of me.

She shook her head. "Your dad and Renee are planning to move away," she said quietly.

"When?" my voice was strained.

"At the end of the summer." What? It was almost the end of school, the end of May. That meant that they would be leaving in a matter of months. That meant that Edward would be leaving.

I sat there for a moment. Lots of things were bottled up inside of me but strangely I was capable of being calm. Or at least keeping the facade of being calm.

"Jasper?" she asked. I didn't know what to call her…mom..or Esme? "Are you okay?" What kind of question was that? How was I supposed to feel after hearing all of this? I shook my head.

"Why did you suddenly change after coming home from the hospital?" I spit out the question. I had a million and a half questions and thoughts streaming in my mind but that was the only one that popped out.

"A drunk driver hit me and I felt like that was what I deserved after killing Carlisle. I felt like that even though I wasn't technically your biological mother that at least I was there for you. And I might've died and I would have left you too. Just like her."

I opened my mouth to reassure her that that wasn't true but no words came out. I didn't even know if I was capable of saying anything.

"Does Edward know about any of this?" I asked. She shook her head. Too much. Way too fucking much.

"I need a minute," I gasped out as I stumbled off the couch and to the front door. I closed the door behind me but I still caught the defeated look on her face.

I sat on the steps leading up to the porch. There was so much that she had told me that I had to digest and think about. I didn't know where to start. I just needed time to deal with all of this. I felt like it was back to the week where she was in the hospital when I was so overwhelmed by everything. This was almost just the same even though it was for a different reason. My whole life had changed in the matter of less than thirty minutes. How the hell was I supposed to think about that?

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. I had no clue what I was doing but I knew that I needed someone to talk to, to just get away from here even for a short time.

I scrolled through the list of names on my phone.

Lauren…hell no.

Emmett…maybe? No.

Bella….hmmm. I was about to stop there when another name popped up.

Edward. _Yes. _Why would he even want to talk to me now? He had poured out his feelings to me less than twenty-four hours ago and I had basically told him that I didn't like him. But he had said to forget about it….that didn't mean we weren't friends anymore did it?

My finger tapped his number automatically and the phone started ringing. I was panicking by the time it rang four times. He wasn't going to pick up. He hated me.

But fuck. I needed him. I needed him now more than ever. And he wasn't picking up.

"Jasper?" he picked up but I was still panicking. "Are you there?" I didn't answer. "Jasper. Are you okay?"

"Edward," my voice cracked on his name. C'mon pull yourself together! "Are you busy?"

"No. Why?" His voice was careful.

"Can you come and get me? Please." My voice broke again and I clenched my fists. Why the hell did I have to sound like that?

"I'm on the way."

BREAK

We were in the car and driving away before he said anything. I had told my mom, no, Esme that I was leaving. She just nodded and left the room crying. I almost turned back but I didn't. I needed to figure this out.

"They told you what they've been keeping from you." It wasn't a question; it was a statement and he had guessed it right off the bat. I nodded. "Where do you want to go?" he asked softly. Something churned within me as I realized that he was willing to take me wherever I wanted no questions asked. Although it was reassuring and invoked a fuzzy feeling inside of me it only added to the jumbled pit of emotions that were swirling in my stomach. I didn't know if it made it worse or better.

"Anywhere."

"Okay," he said and turned back to the road. It was awkward in the car like it almost always was with us. But instead of wondering what was causing it I knew what it was. He was embarrassed about his confession the day before. It wasn't the best atmosphere to be in but at least it was a little distracting from the things going on inside my head. My mom…Esme's words were set on replay in my head. It was almost all I could think about.

We were only a few miles away from my house when Edward brought up something that I hadn't thought about. It seemed so insignificant compared to all the major things going on around me.

"What about school?" Edward asked.

"I completely forgot about that. Of course you want to be there. I'm sorry. Let's just turn around okay? This whole thing was stupid." I stared out the window forlornly. Besides Edward didn't sign up for this whole runaway trip and it wasn't exactly fair of me to assume that he was going to just go along with it.

The car started pulling over to the side and I glanced over at Edward. What the hell was he doing? Once the car was in park he turned to look at me.

"It's not stupid, Jasper," his green eyes were blazing. "You need time to figure out whatever your parents told you. And if that means running away for tonight or tomorrow or a week it doesn't matter to me, okay?" I was so choked up that I struggled to hold back tears. I wasn't going to cry in front of him again. I wasn't a baby and I sure as hell didn't want to let my guard down any further. "I know someplace we can go for a while," he said and put the car back into motion.

"Thank you," I murmured. He turned those brilliant green eyes on me and nodded. I spent the time staring out the car window trying to calm my mind. I let the exhaustion overcome me and I was lulled to sleep by the hum of the car.

BREAK

"Jasper," an insistent voice said my name. They were shaking me and I tried to force my eyes open. I was too comfortable wherever I was and the last thing I wanted to do was open my eyes. "Jasper," it was the voice again, this time closer. Except it just wasn't any voice. No, it was his voice. It was a voice I would know anywhere. Edward.

My eyes flew open to see him hovering over me. His eyes were worried and he was running a hand through his short dark hair. "We're here," his voice was gruff. Damn. He was too close, way too close to me.

"Where's here?" I asked as my face heated up. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. Edward moved a little ways away from me and I was grateful for it. With him that close it was hard to think about anything other than him.

"My dad's lake house." Oh. I looked around at the house surrounded by pine trees and the water in the distance. I never imagined a place could look like that. It was..beautiful. But it was also getting dark. Edward must've drove for a few hours.

I followed him up to the house and inside. It was even nicer on the inside. Everything was wood. Hardwood floors, antique wooden furniture, and even a fireplace.

"Wow," I whispered and Edward nodded.

"It's just like I remembered," he said softly. I glanced over at him and I could tell that he was deep in thought, lost in memories. "I haven't been here since…" he trailed off. Since his dad passed away. "I guess you might want to see the rest," his mouth raised into a ghost of a smile. He waved me over and I followed him down a hallway. "Bathroom," he murmured as he opened a door. "Bedroom…and kitchen," he said as we circled the house. It wasn't huge but it was nice and cozy.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I watched him get angry. What did I say? Did he regret bringing me here?

"We need food. The house isn't stocked with any and I didn't know that we would be coming here…"

"Sorry," I muttered again and those green eyes flashed with anger.

"Don't be. The wood is piled over there," he pointed next to the deck but I didn't follow. I was too busy staring at him. "Maybe you can start the fire while I go get some food?" he asked. I nodded. I wanted to say thank you. For everything he had ever done for me.

I also wanted to kiss him so badly that it took all I had not to leap across the two feet between us and do it. I don't know what it was that made me want him so fucking bad but it wasn't something that I could control anymore.

_Maybe you should tell him…._

But I already had so much on my plate. I needed to take care of the stuff I was already dealing with before I piled more on.

_But he likes you…and you like him….what is there to deal with?_

Oh, I don't know…maybe the fact that I'm no longer completely straight. Or the fact that Edward all ready told me everything and I couldn't even say that I felt the same. What if he was mad about it?

_But wouldn't it be worth it?_

"Jasper?" Edward asked breaking me out of my internal dialogue.

"Huh?" I asked him. My cheeks must've been stained permanently red with all the blushing I was doing. What the hell was wrong with me? I was not the fucking chick here! I wasn't supposed to be blushing at every other word that came out of his mouth.

" I asked you what you wanted to eat…." He said as he watched me.

"Oh..umm anything is good." He nodded, gave me one last glance, and turned around.

BREAK

It took me less time than I thought to get the fire started and I was chilling on a couch as I waited for Edward to come back. I couldn't help glancing around me at the place that was his dad's.

Used to be his dad's.

As much as I wanted to forget the whole conversation that I had with Esme. There was no forgetting something that turned your whole world upside down. And there was no way that I could forget how she told me that she was the one who killed Carlisle. Especially since I was in his house.

If it weren't for me none of this would have ever happened. My mom, my real mom, didn't even want me. I wasn't planned and I ruined her life. And Esme's and my dad's. Even Edward's life. It was because of me.

The agony tore through me as I stared at the fire. Esme was my aunt, not my mom. My mom never wanted me and she killed herself with drugs. This couldn't be true…it wasn't possible. How could it be?

And what about my dad? How did he feel when my mom left him and me? And how could he marry Renee knowing that Esme was the one who killed Carlisle? How could he keep it from her? And then he was moving away…from me.

When Edward walked into the house I knew what he was seeing. I had my knees pulled up to my chest and my hands were weaving through my hair like crazy. I knew my blue eyes were wild with emotion. Here I was freaking out about everything and once again he had to walk in on it in the middle of the things.

I just wanted things simple. I wanted to be a teenager again. I wanted to understand.

Edward didn't say a word to me as he let me try to figure things out on my own. He was making something in the kitchen and I couldn't help the way my eyes trailed after him.

What would happen to him if he found out? Would he hate me for not telling him?

And then another question:

What would I do when they moved away?

I leaned my head on my knees and tried to calm down. If I kept this up I would be hysterical in a matter of minutes. Things would be okay…they had to be right?

"Jasper?" I lifted my head and saw Edward standing in front of me. "Are you hungry?" he asked. He was holding out a plate of macaroni and cheese and pizza.

"Uhh..yeah," my voice was gravelly from not speaking for awhile. I grabbed the plate and Edward sat in the chair next to me. I picked up the fork and poked the macaroni aimlessly. It reminded me of trying to make macaroni and cheese for Edward that one time when I was trying to make things up to him.

"You don't have to eat if you don't want to," he said. I glanced up to see his sheepish expression. "I don't know how to cook anything else….."

"No, it's fine," I reassured him quickly. I didn't want him to think that I was an ungrateful brat or something.

We ate in silence. I couldn't help sneaking glances at him as I always had. But instead of it being glances full of desire I was glancing at him to see if he guessed that I was keeping something from him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly. He had already finished eating while only a fourth of my food was gone. I didn't have the appetite to eat anymore.

"I don't know," I sighed. Talking about it made it real.

"It might make it easier. Besides…I'm a really good listener," he smiled. I nodded and took a deep breath. It was time to spill everything. Whether I wanted to or not.

BREAK

He was dead silent after I told him everything. I didn't have the heart to tell him about what happened to his dad or that he was going to be moving away in only a few short months. Then he got up from the chair and took our dirty plates in the kitchen. Somehow his reaction made everything seem that much worse. I thought that talking to him would help but he wasn't even saying anything to me. I was ready to just get up and tell him to fuck it and then I would leave.

But then he came back into the living room with this bottle of tequila and two glasses. What the hell? Since when did he drink? I couldn't help thinking that something was going on…something that he wasn't telling me. This wasn't like him at all.

My eyes must have been bugging out of my head.

"What?" Edward asked with a smirk. "Nothing's better for hard times than Jose Cuervo."

"But…you're a goody- two shoes, you wouldn't…"

"I'm still a teenager, Jasper. And so are you. So stop acting like a grown up and let loose a little," he smile as he opened the bottle and poured two glasses.

"Okay," I smiled a little. I guess there was no fighting his logic. I drank the first glass in one swallow and then the second and third glasses in quick succession. Shit. I was going to completely smashed in less than an hour.

I turned to see Edward still sipping his first glass. I expected him to make faces at the taste but he didn't. Maybe he wasn't as innocent as I always thought he was. I stared at him while his eyes bored into the fire. The fire lit up his green eyes and it made his jawbone more pronounced. His dark short hair looked even darker and fuck if he didn't look downright sexy.

It was quiet for only a little while. Then our phones started ringing. First mine and then his and they rung repeatedly. I didn't need to look at my phone to know who it was. My dad…and Esme of course. And I could probably guess who was calling Edward.

"How about we just shut them off?" he suggested. We had finished the bottle of Jose Cuervo. Well, I had anyway and I was almost out of it. I was too drunk to even figure out how to shut my own phone off. I threw at Edward and he started fumbling with it. He wasn't drunk but he wasn't exactly sober either. Once Edward had figured out how to shut off both of the phones he smiled up at me.

"What?" I asked him.

"I got a surprise," he laughed and stumbled as he got up from the chair. I swear he had turned to an eight-year-old after drinking.

"Okay," I laughed. Edward ran off to the kitchen. If I had known that running away of Edward would have been like that I would've ran away with him forever.

_He's leaving…._

Don't think about it!

Edward came back in the room carrying marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate.

"S'mores!" he said excitedly. I burst out laughing. No wonder he never got drunk at any parties. He'd break out the smores and act like he was eight. Maybe he was that innocent….

He grabbed my arm and drug me with him to the fire. The life that showed in his eyes was amazing. "Please, Jasper? Just forget everything right now…." I nodded and smiled at him. Something changed in his eyes, something that I hoped was what I thought I saw. He turned away quickly but not before I saw his cheeks turn a perfect rosy color.

He started roasting his marshmallow on a metal stick that he had brought with him. He was concentrating on it so hard that I knew something was up with him.

_Tell him! Tell him now! _

I watched as he put his smore together. He passed me the stick without looking at me. As I made my own I felt his eyes on me. I wanted to turn and tell him everything. About Carlisle. That he was an amazing friend for taking me here. That I liked him. A lot.

I put the other side of the graham cracker on my smore and moved away from the fire to where Edward was leaning against the couch. I opened my mouth to tell him but then he moaned.

His eyes were closed and his head was thrown back as he ate his smore. I was suddenly tenting in my shorts as I watched him. I wanted to be the one to make him moan like that. I wanted to make him throw his head back in ecstasy. But it wasn't me. It was that damn smore.

And I was so fucking drunk that I was jealous of that damn smore. I watched as he began eating it again and I was tempted to rip it out of his mouth.

"Edward," my voice was raised a few octaves higher than normal. _Tell him! _ "I'm kinda tired."

_What a pussy!_

"Okay," he said as he finished eating. Mine was barely touched and I really didn't want it anymore. He stumbled as he got up and I reached out to grab him. "Thanks," he mumbled and then he pulled away. What the hell? Did he not want me anymore?

I followed him into the only bedroom and watched as he started pulling out blankets and pillows from the closet. I was swaying as I watched him. His shirt raised up to expose the creamy white skin of his back as he stretched to reach the shelves.

"Here," he said as he threw some on the bed. The others he kept in his arms. "You can have the bed and I'll go sleep on the couch. What?

"C'mon this bed is massive. You'll never fit on that puny couch," I protested. "I mean we could share…." I suggested. Why did I have to ramble so much when I was drunk? Why couldn't I just get to the point of things? Edward didn't say anything. "Okay, I'll go sleep on the couch." I gathered the stuff he had thrown on the bed.

"We can share," he mumbled.

"We don't have to," I protested. He didn't seem to thrilled about the idea. Hell, I was.

"It's fine," he smiled faintly but it didn't reach his eyes. He disappeared in the bathroom and I was left standing there staring after him.

I started putting the bed together which was a big effort for someone that was as drunk as I was. I stumbled all over the place and got everything tangled up. It took a while but I finally made it decent enough to sleep in. I jumped in without bothering to do anything with my clothes.

The whole weight of the entire day hit me as I sat in bed. I felt even more terrible with the tequila in my system than I did before. This wasn't a problem that was going to go away by drinking. This wasn't something that I was going to be able to forget with a bottle of tequila. No, this problem was here to stay.

She didn't want me. She died because of drugs. And I was sitting here doing the same to myself. Except that alcohol was my poison instead of drugs.

Edward was leaving and so was my dad. The only person I had left was Esme…and she wasn't even my real mom. She was just someone who was left to pick up the pieces. And I had left her too.

My thoughts were jumbled and my head was a mess by the time Edward came out of the bathroom. He barely looked at me as he got in. He switched off the lamp and the only light that was left was by the moon through the window. It was surprisingly bright and I was able to see Edward lying a few feet from me. He was turned on his shoulder and I felt even worse. No goodnight..no anything.

I didn't notice the tears until I felt myself begin to tremble. After holding everything in it seemed to find its way out. I tried to be strong. I didn't want to cry and feel like a chick about all this. Hell, compared to some people's lives this was nothing. But it hurt and the tears on my face were evidence of that.

He turned over slowly and I made no move to hide myself. I was drunk and upset and I couldn't give a crap about what he saw. His green eyes were soft as he saw my tears. His voice was even softer. "Jasper," he whispered. "It's going to be okay." I closed my eyes. He didn't know that. He couldn't know that. I felt his hand touch my face. My eyes darted open to see him watching me as he thumb wiped away my tears. "I will always be here. Always," he whispered as his hand left my face to reach for my hand.

_No he won't. He's leaving. _

I kept thinking that it was now or never as I moved forward. I might've never gotten the chance to do it ever again. I needed him and there was no stopping it.

I leaned forward across the few inches that separated us. I kissed his lips gently. When he didn't respond I didn't pull away like I had the first time. I wanted this and I wasn't going to make another stupid mistake. My free hand came up to cup his neck as I moved my lips to kiss his bottom lip. I felt him gasp and then all of a sudden he was kissing me back.

He was fucking kissing me back!

He released my hand and threaded it through my hair. His tongue licked my lips and I opened my mouth to him. He tasted so sweet and that tongue ring was like nothing I had ever felt before.

I had never kissed a someone so gently, so sweetly. It was a whole new experience and I loved it. I wasn't drunk from the tequila anymore. No, I was drunk on Edward. On his taste, his lips, his kiss.

I kissed him more and more and tangled our tongues together until I couldn't breathe. I pulled away with a gasp. I pulled away from him a little but not far. His hands were still lodged in my golden curls as he said my name.

"Tomorrow," I breathed as I kissed him one last time. There was always tomorrow.

"Tomorrow," he agreed and closed his eyes as he pulled me closer. In seconds I was dead to the world.

BREAK.

I woke up alone and tangled in the sheets. When I first opened my eyes I had no clue where the hell I was. Then I remembered everything. Esme's confession….the lake house…smores…the kiss. Fuck. What did Edward think? Where _was _Edward?

I threw back the covers and got out of the bed. As soon as I stood a wave of dizziness washed over me. This hangover was going to be bitch. But there were other issues like the fact that I didn't know where Edward was…and what happened the night before.

I walked out of the bedroom and made my way into the living room with my hand pressed to my head. I would have killed for an aspirin then. I forgot all about that as I walked into the kitchen. He was sitting at a table with staring forlornly at a glass of orange juice. As soon as he heard me he glanced up.

His eyes were cautious and I could feel that something was stirring within him. Something was about to burst and I didn't know if I was ready for it or not.

"Hey," I murmured. Those green eyes just stared back at me. He didn't say anything. I leaned up against the back of the couch and glanced everywhere except at him.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" his voice was deathly calm. I nodded without looking up at him. "_All _of last night?" now his voice was strained.

"Yes," I muttered. Of course I remembered…how the fuck could I forget? Suddenly there was a loud crash as Edward dumped his glass in the sink. I glanced up to meet his eyes…those furious eyes.

"Why are you doing this to me, Jasper?"

"Doing what?" I asked. What did I do?

"Playing whatever game this is."

"What game?" now I was getting angry too.

"Oh c'mon!" he yelled. "I told you how I felt about you. Do you even know how hard that was for me? And then you go ahead and kiss me…. and it hurts, Jasper. It really hurts. Because I know you're just playing around with me….just stringing me along. I can't do this anymore," his voice had died down to a whisper.

"So does this mean that we aren't friends anymore?" I asked. How could he think that this was a game to me?

_Oh, I don't know maybe because you haven't told him you like him…._

"I don't know," Edward whispered. Then he turned to leave the room. I felt my stomach twist with nervousness at the words that were about to come out of my mouth.

"Edward, wait." He turned around with those blazing green eyes.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he pleaded.

"Because… I like you." The words were out and there was no taking them back.

"No, you don't!" his green eyes blazed with anger. Not what I was expecting…. "You haven't said a word about this before even when I told you how I felt….you've only kissed me before when you were drunk and I doubt you knew what you were doing. You don't like me, Jasper."

"Yes. I. Do." I stepped closer to him. "A lot, actually. Remember when you said that you couldn't stop thinking about me? Well, it's the same for me. I think about you so much it drives me crazy. I want you so much that I practically have to tie myself down to stop from attacking you. I don't care if you're a boy or that I have no clue what I'm doing. I should've told you two days ago but I was scared. I'm not who I thought I was and I don't really care. I just…I like you and I want to be with you."

I let out a sigh of relief that I got all that out.

_See, wasn't so hard was it?_

Edward was staring at me with wide eyes.

"You're serious?" he asked slowly. I nodded. His eyes narrowed and he stepped closer to me. There were only a few inches between us. He was so close that I could feel the heat coming off of him.

"Prove it then. Both times you kissed me you were drunk…kiss me now." Well, that's easy. I leaned forward and kissed him once and very lightly. I pulled away and met his gaze. "More," he growled. I captured his lips with mine and kissed him with all I had. My hands came up to cup the back of his neck and I licked his lips as I begged for entrance. His mouth widened with a moan and our tongues slid together deliciously. He pulled me closer to him so that way we were touching head to toe. It was perfect and even better sober.

He pulled away with a gasp and pushed me away.

"You really like me," he smiled. I kissed him once more and pulled away.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"How long?" he asked. I knew what he was asking. How long had I liked him?

"For a while now. I just needed time to figure things out," I told him. He pulled away from me and walked over to the couch. He motioned for me to come and sit by him.

"Have you figured things out?" he asked. He had this worried expression on his face.

"Ummm." What was I supposed to say?

"Jasper, I trust you. And I do want to be with you too but I don't want to get hurt. You have a lot of stuff going on right now. I just don't want to be an experiment for you," I opened my mouth to protest but he continued. "I think we should wait a little bit..take our time with everything."

Yeah, that sounded fine except that we didn't have that much time.

"You're not an experiment to me. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing but I know that you'll be there for me. My feelings for you aren't going to change." He smiled a little and I saw his cheeks turn a little pink. It was fucking adorable. I leaned closer to him to give him a kiss but he leaned away from me. "What the hell?"

Edward sighed. "I meant that we should wait, you know, until you get things settled with your parents and stuff."

"That means no kissing?" I asked. Jeez. I tell him how I feel and then he puts out a no kissing rule.

"Jasper, you're in the middle of this mess. I know you're using me as a crutch and that's okay, I like it. But I don't want it to be the only reason that you want to be with me." He was scared of being hurt. Didn't he know that when I promised I wasn't going to hurt him that I meant it?

"I liked you before all of this ever happened," I protested. "I finally get to have you and kiss you and now you're not letting me?" I smirked at him.

"Who said you get to have me?" he asked. My face fell. "I'm just kidding," he smiled softly. He leaned forward to kiss me and I turned my head so his lips landed on my cheek.

"Nope. No kissing, remember?"

"Fine. Only kissing," he growled before his lips attacked mine.

BREAK

After kissing away the rest of the morning and into part of the afternoon, we finally detached ourselves to make some food. While Edward made some sandwiches I turned on my phone.

35 missed calls. 15 from my dad and 20 from Esme. There was also ten or so voice mails. I felt a heavy weight sink in my chest.

_Jasper, it's me, honey. Where are you? Please come home. _ It was Esme of course. She sounded like she was crying and I knew that she was a mess back at home. The others sounded similar and all of them ate away at me.

"You okay?" Edward asked as he came out on the deck. I nodded and I knew that he could tell that I was lying. It was silent for a moment as we both stared out at the water. "Can I tell you something?" Edward's voice was hesitant.

"Sure."

"I think you should go back."

"No," I said firmly.

"I know that this is hard for you and maybe I don't understand what you're going through-"

"You don't," I snapped. I didn't want to fight with him, especially after how well the morning had turned out.

"Just listen to me," he snapped back. "The woman who passed away she was nothing to you. She was just the one who gave birth to you. She wasn't your mother. Esme is."

"You don't know anything!" I yelled at him.

"I lost my dad, Jasper. You have both of your parents still."

"I don't have both of my parents," I seethed. Why was he doing this?

"Esme isn't your biological mother but she's your aunt. But that doesn't mean that she isn't your mom. She raised you and she loves you. What you've heard might change things but it doesn't change the fact that she is your _mom,_" he said. I jumped out of my chair and stormed into the house. I locked myself in the bathroom.

He didn't have a right to say anything about what I was going through! He should've just let me get through it myself.

_You just can't admit that he's right. _

Was he?

Shit, maybe he was…..

And I had walked out on my _mom._ The one who took me in no questions asked. The one who loves me. The one that wanted me…

I unlocked the bathroom door and came out into the kitchen. Edward was pacing and running his hands through his short dark hair.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. His head shot up to where I was standing. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I relaxed in his hold on me and just held onto him.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's none of my business anyway," he said softly.

"But you're right about what you said. She's still my mom. She's my _real_ mom," I whispered more to myself than anything. "I have to go back," I told him.

He pulled away to look at me.

"Are you sure?" his green eyes were stormy and full of worry.

"Yes," I whispered. I had to do this. I had to get through this. And I would. Or at least this part. The stuff dealing with Carlisle and Edward was still nagging at the back of my mind.

"Okay," he whispered.

BREAK

After restoring the house back to how it was before we got there we were on our way. This time I was able to see that we were about 200 miles or so from home so it would be a few hours before we got there.

Edward and I didn't say much and my mind was preoccupied with thinking about what I was going to say to my mom when I got there. I felt foolish about the whole running away thing. I shoud've just stayed home and dealt with everything there.

But then I would have never told Edward how I felt. We wouldn't have kissed. None of that would have happened.

We were at my house when Edward finally talked to me.

"Things aren't going to change between us the next time we see each other are they?" he asked.

"No," I smiled and he did the same. That smile almost made me want to jump back in the car and tell him to drive around the block so I could kiss him like I wanted to.

"I'll see you in two weeks," he said. "For that camping trip with your dad," he reminded me. Shit. I had completely forgotten about that.

"Right. Two weeks." It seemed like a long time. I realized that I was standing there like an idiot and that I should close the car door and leave.

I had shut the door and was beginning to walk away when he rolled down the window.

"Jasper!" he called out to me. I walked the few steps to the window.

"Yeah?" I asked. He was biting his lip nervously but his green eyes stayed on me.

"Can I call you?" The smile on my face was huge.

"Yes."

"Okay," he smiled. I walked away from the car and a few seconds later I heard him drive off. I walked up to the porch with a twisting feeling in my stomach. This wasn't hard…it really was pretty simple.

I knocked on the door since I didn't have my keys. I heard my mom coming to the door. I took a deep breath.

"Jasper," she breathed. Her eyes were rimmed with red. "You're back." I nodded and stepped closer to her.

"I know you might technically be might aunt but you'll always be my mom," I whispered. I pulled her to me and I wrapped my arms around her.

"I love you, Jasper. You'll always be my son." I closed my eyes and breathed. I knew that things were a ways from being okay but right then I forgot about everything. All I knew was that although things weren't perfect they were fine enough with me.


	10. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long delay. I WILL NOT be abandoning this story. I just have some major life issues and my inspiration for this story wasn't so great. But I will finish it. I promise. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. :) It really makes me happy to see your comments on my writing, and the boys too. **

**A few clarifications also:**

**-Jasper was 4 when his biological mom died, 13 when his parents split up. Carlisle died a year and a half ago. Sorry that was messed up in Chp 7. It has been revised. **

**Warning: Please don't read this if you are underage. This chapter will be the beginning of the M rating, I guess. ;)**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**Chp 8: That Time You Drove Me Crazy**

* * *

**~Before Friday~**

"So how did it go?" he asked. It had been a little over a week and I didn't think he was going to call. I was almost tempted to pick the phone up and call him myself. I guess I was too much of a pussy to do that. The chick side of me wanted him to be the one to call _me. _It was stupid but I didn't care.

That's why I was checking my phone every few minutes everyday since that Sunday. Every time the phone rang my stomach did flips only for me to sigh in disappointment when it wasn't Edward.

"It went really well," I told him. I felt like a pansy acting this way. I could barely sit still because I was so giddy talking to him.

"That's great! So things are back to normal?"

"Mostly. I mean, sometimes it's a little weird but it's a lot better," I sighed. "I missed her a lot." It had really seemed like she had been gone ever since the hospital. But now she was back and that was all that mattered.

It was silent on the phone except for the sounds of our breathing.

"So are you excited for the camping trip this weekend?" he finally asked. I groaned. I had completely forgotten about that camping trip.

"Not really," I sighed. I didn't know if I wanted another round of drama. Especially with my dad since had the tendency to piss me off.

"Oh, I was kinda excited about it," Edward said softly.

"I have to talk shit out with my dad and that's not going to make this camping any fun," I grumbled. "Besides, camping is just…camping." It was quiet for a moment and I berated myself about being so childish about all of it. Here I was waiting for Edward to call me and when he did all I did was complain.

"I wasn't excited about the camping part," he said.

"Oh? Then what then?" I asked. I sure hope it wasn't the "bonding" part that my dad had mentioned because there was no way in hell I was going to do any more talking than was necessary.

"Jeez Jasper," he sighed exasperated. "I meant about seeing you," he whispered. Oh. _Oh._ How come I didn't figure that out?

_Maybe because you're not too sure about the both of you?_

"Yeah?" my voice was strained. He couldn't have been as excited as I was. I mean Edward had been on my mind ever since I got out of the car when he dropped me off. It was pretty hard to concentrate anywhere else.

School. Edward. Home. Edward. Mom. Edward.

It never ended and I doubted that it would stop any time soon.

"Two weeks is way too long," he sighed.

"Yeah. I know," I let out my own sigh. "I can't stop thinking about you," I blurted out before I could catch myself. I wasn't needy and I wasn't going to start then.

"Me neither." Something stirred in my stomach and I smiled. "Four more days, Jasper."

"Four more days," I groaned.

We talked a bit more about random things and said our good byes.

I laid in bed a long time after that. Although I couldn't wait to see Edward that weekend there were still some things that I was worry about. Like what was going to happen with my dad and if I could handle it? And then…what would happen when Edward and I shared a tent?

I smiled and fell asleep with a head full of dirty dreams.

* * *

**~FRIDAY~**

My nerves were jumbled with excitement as I finished packing for camping. I couldn't get Edward out of my head. My eyes kept darting to the clock to see how much time I had left before they would be there. The four days had already seemed endless but the wait was almost fucking killing me.

It was kind of weird how much he affected me. I had never been like this about a girl. I usually wasn't the type to do that type of stuff. But I guess everything about this was different and that sure as hell was okay with me.

"Are you ready to go Jasper?" my mom called from the other room. Only five more minutes, I sighed. I picked up my duffel bag and left my room.

"Yeah," I smiled as I saw my mom coming downstairs from her studio. She was back to her crazy hair and painted arms. Just the way it should be.

"Please take it easy on him," she sighed.

"I'll try," I told her. I guess it was the least I could do. Besides it wasn't about the whole aunt thing that I was mad about. It was about Carlisle. I didn't see how he could live with himself. I mean, he married her when he knew that my mom was the one who killed her husband. And he hadn't even told her. Or Edward.

_But aren't you doing the same?_

It's different. Or that's what I told myself anyway.

And he didn't even have the decency to tell me that he was moving. What kind of father did that make him? He was running away just like _her._ That was what hurt more than anything.

"Jasper," my mom sighed and I could see the sadness in her eyes. I knew that she was probably blaming herself for this and I didn't want her to. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"It'll be okay," I whispered into her hair. I didn't know when and I didn't even know if it was going to happen any time soon. All I knew was that it would come eventually.

A horn honked and I pulled away. I gave her a soft smile and grabbed my duffel bag.

"Love you," I told her before leaving.

"I love you too, Jasper," her eyes shone but this time with a little bit of light. As soon as I took that first step out of the door my eyes immediately found him. He was staring at me from the front seat. And damn if those green eyes didn't make me feel crazy. His eyes were so intent on me as I drank him in.

I got in the back seat of the car and said hello to my dad and Edward. They both murmured something back and Edward glanced back at me. Then we were on our way.

It was awkward to say the least. The tension was so thick in the car that it was almost unbearable to sit there. Even the radio wasn't much of a distraction.

Most of the tension was coming from me anyway but I couldn't help it. On one hand I was pissed at my dad- not really about him not telling me about the whole aunt being my mom thing but because of what he was doing to Renee. And also that he was leaving me. But somehow my anger was ebbed by my thoughts about Edward.

I was practically panting in the backseat. I tried looking at the cars passing us on the highway but my eyes were constantly returning to him. I don't know how many times my eyes traced his dark hair that was beginning to grow out again, the creaminess of his neck that showed before it was covered by his dark T-shirt. From where I was sitting I could only see the side of Edward's face. My eyes were drawn to his jaw and the bit of stubble there. Then they would travel down his neck to his Adam's apple.

To say in the least, I was going to end up with a serious case of blue balls that weekend. Here I was already hard as a fucking rock just staring at him in the car. How was I supposed to last the whole entire weekend with him?

I forced myself to look out the window and read license plates. I needed to do _something_ before I ended up attacking the shit out of Edward. I was pretty sure the only thing that was stopping me was my seat belt and the fact that my dad was in the car.

My eyes came back to _him_ and I almost lost it. Images ran through my head of me licking the side of his neck. Or running my hands through his hair. Or kissing him senseless until we both couldn't breathe.

"Uh, can we stop?" Edward asked. He turned to look at my dad and when he did his eyes glanced over at me. I looked out the window quickly and placed my hands in my lap in a way that I hoped that my boner didn't show.

"Sure," my dad agreed. "I'm starving." We had been driving for hours and I knew that we still had a few left before we got to the place that he was taking us. It was a place that he took me camping when I was little. It took a long time to get there but it was worth it. The place was magical. I was actually kind of excited to see it. And to share it with Edward. I knew a place we could swimming…

But I was starving. And hopefully by the time my dad pulled into a restaurant the problem in my pants would be less noticeable. A few minutes later we pulled into a place and I had things mostly in control.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Just order me something," I told my dad. I caught Edward's eye as I said it and hoped that he would get the hint. I walked to the bathroom and smiled to myself as I heard him following. As I stepped into the bathroom I checked to make sure no one else was in there.

"Hey," Edward said with a smile as he came in. I didn't say anything. I couldn't because I my lips were kissing him fiercely. I had him pressed up against the wall as my lips attacked his. His hands were everywhere whereas mine just stayed in his hair holding him to me.

I nipped at his lips and he opened up to me. Tongues met each other and that stud of his traveled around my mouth deliciously. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me so close to him that it made it even harder to breathe. But I didn't care. I wanted this. I needed this. And nothing was going to stop it.

Except that I was becoming lightheaded from the lack of oxygen and I knew that I had to pull away soon. But I kissed him with all I had as I made up for the two weeks that I couldn't kiss him. I tried to memorize his taste and the feel of his hands on my neck and back.

But then I had to pull away and the moment was broken. We were both gasping for air and I could feel my face heating up. I never attacked any of the girls I had been with like that. But then again I had never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him.

"Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly. "I didn't mean to attack you like that." I really didn't. He was just making me lose all of my self-control.

"It's okay," he smirked as he played with the ends of my blonde curls. "If you hadn't I probably would have," he admitted. His green eyes were dark as they stared back at me. Damn. So much for getting rid of that situation in my pants…

I took a few deep breaths to get a hold of myself. I wasn't going to last the weekend if I kept this up.

Finally, once I reigned the beast in, I stepped closer to Edward and kissed him softly. I pulled away with a soft smile. "I missed you," I admitted then turned away from him. It wasn't like me to admit things like that. I mean, I kept that shit in. But I guess this time was different.

Edward's hand grasped my wrist and turned me to face him. But then the door was opening and I jumped three feet away from him. My heart was beating a mile a minute as some old guy came into the bathroom. My mind was running wild. Did he see us? Shit, what if he did?

I saw the flash of hurt in Edward's eyes before it cleared and he smiled briefly.

"C'mon, let's go eat," he said and walked out of the bathroom. Damn. I wasn't trying to hurt him. I knew he understood that I wasn't ready for everything yet.

_But it still hurts…_

I sighed. Would this ever become any easier?

* * *

Booth. Please get a booth. Not a table, just a booth. That was what I was chanting in my head as I left the bathroom. It seemed like it was much longer than only a few months ago when I wished for the exact opposite. But then, during that time I didn't want to sit by Edward whatsoever. Things were different now.

I bit back my smile when I saw that my dad had picked out a booth. Edward was sitting on one side and my dad on the other. It was obvious who I was going to sit by.

I climbed in the booth and my dad handed me some food without saying anything. Good. I really didn't want to talk to him ever but that wasn't a possibility. So, to say the least, it was unbearably awkward and silent at the table.

I kept glancing at Edward to see if he was upset by me pulling away in the bathroom but he wouldn't look at me. Maybe that was my answer. I stared down at the table while I ate my food. Maybe stopping wasn't such a good idea. At least in the car I could look out the window and stare at Edward while listening to music. This was just awful.

At least that was what I thought until I felt Edward's ankle wrap around mine. I glanced over at him quickly to see him smile at me before continuing to eat. My dad didn't have a clue what was going on since he was so focused on looking everywhere except for me.

Edward kept his foot there and I liked having us touching even though it wasn't much. But I wanted more. I needed more. I was insatiable even after attacking him in the bathroom. I didn't move though as I tried to focus more on my food and less on Edward. That proved to be nearly impossible.

We finished eating and I almost wished that we could stay. We had only a few more hours left to get there and I was sick of the car. It was back to staring at Edward and trying to control my thoughts.

I was restless by the time we got there. I was ready to jump out of the car and hike up to our camping spot before the car was even parked. Sitting in that car was driving me fucking crazy.

_And what about Edward…wasn't he driving you crazy?_

Oh. And that too. But that was my fault anyway. I was a teenage boy; it was hard to keep my hormones in check.

The car stopped and I jumped out. It was starting to get dark and I knew that we wouldn't get to our spot before the sun set. We had about a little over two miles to hike up the hill. My dad popped open the trunk and Edward and him joined me at the back of the car.

I had already finished putting on my backpack and stuff and was waiting for them.

"Here's your tent," my dad through me the bag. "and here's yours." What? We were all sleeping in different tents? That fucking ruined everything! I wanted to be able to share a tent with Edward.

_Taking it slow..remember?_

Right. But goddamn. It wasn't like I couldn't control myself if I had too. I wasn't going to do anything that Edward didn't want to happen. He had already said that he wanted to take things slow. I just wanted to be able to be near him, to stay up talking with him.

I couldn't do that in separate tents.

I glanced over at Edward to see what he was thinking. But something was off. He didn't look shocked or anything.

Because he knew about it.

I started walking along the path covered with trees.

"I'll meet you up there!" my dad shouted after me.

"Whatever," I muttered. I was pissed and I needed to work it off. I turned on my flashlight since it was darker in the trees. I pushed myself to walk harder and faster. I could still feel the anger buzzing inside of me but it was slowly ebbing away. A few minutes went by before I slowed down. That's when I heard _him._

"Jasper. Wait up," he panted. He wasn't too far and in a few seconds he was standing with me. We started walking more slowly up the hill. "What's wrong?" he asked after a few minutes. I sighed.

"Separate tents?" I asked. He met my eyes as we walked.

"It was my idea."

I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say really.

"Jasper, look at me," his voice was quiet. I did. His hand wrapped around my forearm and he pulled me into the trees. It was even darker in here, but it felt more secluded than being on the clear path of the trail. I threw my backpack off and sat on a fallen tree while Edward stood before me.

"It's because of the whole taking it slow thing right?" I asked. When he didn't answer I took that as a yes. "I get it. I really do. But it's not all about the physical stuff for me- although that's good too. I just want to be able to talk to you, get to know you more. And maybe kiss you," I smirked a little but Edward just stared at me.

"You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?" he laughed to himself. Say what?

"I'm okay with the talking and the kissing….it's just, it's kinda hard to control myself around you and I thought it would be easier if we each had our own tent."

"Oh." My face started heating up and I was grateful that it was dark. So he was having as much issues as I was controlling myself….interesting. It was quiet for a moment before he spoke again.

"I don't want you to be pressured by all of this," his green eyes were intense, even in the dark.

"I'm not," I defended.

"You have so much going on right now and I don't want this to push you over the edge," he sighed. "I want you to be sure of this."

"I thought you trusted me.." I said quietly. Edward came and sat down next to me.

"I do." His eyes blazed even more.

"Then you should trust me when I say that I can handle this," I sighed. "Maybe I'm not handling it as well as I thought I was," I admitted. "But right now you are the _only_ thing I'm sure about. And even though I know why you're being so cautious with me, I wish you wouldn't. Besides, it's kinda hard for me to control myself around you, too," I admitted.

I watched Edward smirk at me. But then the light in his eyes faded and he looked away from me. I was just about to ask him what was wrong before he answered.

"I'm just scared," his voice was gravelly.

"Of what?" I asked.

"Losing you. Pushing you too far," he whispered. I reached over to wrap my arms around him. His head was buried in my shoulder and I breathed him in.

"You won't," I said. I kissed him lightly on the neck before I pulled away to kiss him on his lips.

It didn't take very long to reach the campsite. My mind was in rambles and my thoughts were running in circles. I couldn't stop thinking about the "heart to heart" that Edward and I had just had. It wasn't like me to just fly off the handle like that. I mean, I had felt more in the past two months than I probably ever had.

So what did this all mean?

Liking Edward couldn't change that much about me could it?

Then why was I so emotional all the time? Why did I pine after him like a lovesick schoolgirl? Why did I feel so safe with him? Why _him_?

So many questions, so many why's, so many feelings. But no regrets.

I guess the reality of liking another boy never really hit me. I seemed to avoid it, or take it as it was. And here I was questioning myself. I wasn't me anymore. Or the me I thought I was, anyway.

Maybe that was a good thing.

I was so absorbed in my head that I didn't know that Edward was trying to talk to me until he touched me.

"Jasper?" he asked. His green eyes were concerned. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled. My arm was on fire from his hand touching me. It was just what I needed. I had needed something to reassure me, to let me know that I wasn't alone. And that's what his touch did even though he didn't know it.

See what I mean? The old Jasper didn't need reassurance. He just held his head up high and moved on. He wasn't _vulnerable._

I was.

Edward's distraction was able to bring me out of the funk I that was in my head. I didn't want to waste the entire camping trip dwelling on things that I couldn't change. Besides, I had enough shit on my plate with the talk that was bound to happen between my dad and me.

"Here it is," I sighed as we finally broke through the clearing. It was a spot that I had been before with my dad. It looked exactly the same.

"How long do you think your dad will be?" Edward asked, slightly out of breath. Immediately my brain went to other things that could possibly make him sound that way.

"A while," I laughed. My dad was always slow. Usually I had everything set up before he even got there. "Let's just start putting up our tents," I suggested.

Getting up the tent wasn't much work for me. I had done it so many times that it was practically imprinted in my brain. It was only when I was done that I heard him.

I was just finishing up staking down my tent when I heard the first grunt. I looked over my tent at Edward who was struggling with his tent. It would have been pretty hilarious if I wasn't so damn turned on at the sight.

He had beads of sweat running down his neck and the back of his T-shirt was soaked. The skinny jeans that he was wearing were practically glued to him. I bit my lip to hold in a groan and glanced away quickly. But then I looked back.

He had finally gotten the other side of his tent to cooperate and he started staking them down. I just about jizzed in my pants from the sight. He was teasing me and he didn't even know it.

My hands gripped my tent so that I wouldn't attack him again. I needed to get out of there. I had too! I was about to go crazy if I stood there any longer. I finally released my tent and backed away from it. I reluctantly moved my eyes from Edward before I turned around and walked as quickly as I could into the surrounding trees. Maybe getting some firewood would cool me down. Otherwise I wasn't sure what might have happened.

I started gathering all the dry twigs and branches I could find. My body wouldn't calm down though. I was so fucking horny it was unbelievable. There was only one thing to do.

The sticks and twigs landed with a thud in my haste to unbutton my jeans. My movements were desperate and I fumbled my way through the zipper to my jeans. I sighed in relief as my cock was finally unrestrained.

This was so wrong. And I didn't care.

I bit back a moan as my hand glided down my cock giving me the release I needed. I had been hard for most of the trip there and I knew that I would be close to coming any minute.

I closed my eyes and thought of _him._ Of his hair that I wanted to pull as I kissed him. Of the sweat running down his neck as he put up the tent. Of his tongue ring and those lips. Of those fucking skinny jeans he loved to wear that he looked so damn good in. Of his eyes. Those brilliant, intense green eyes.

"Oh fuck," I breathed as my body shuddered. The coil in my stomach tightened and I knew I was close.

_"I'm okay with the talking and the kissing….it's just, it's kinda hard to control myself around you.."_ I heard his voice repeat itself in my head. It was the one thing that was going to put me over the edge.

I threw my head back as my hand went faster over my cock. I used the other hand to swirl a finger around the head and to play with my balls. I was so close…so damn close.

"Jasper?" My dad. Fuck. I could hear him starting to come into the trees that were around our campsite. It wouldn't take him very long to get where I was standing.

I released my aching cock and shoved it in my pants as fast as I could. I zipped and buttoned my pants in record time before gathering the wood for the fire that I had dropped near my feet.

"I'm just getting some stuff to start the fire!" I shouted to him. "I'll be right there!" I started making my way back towards our spot. I tried to think of anything and everything that would help me get rid of my hard on. By the time I stepped out of the trees it was manageable. I cursed my dad once again.

The rest of the night basically sucked. I spent most of the time trying to avoid my dad and trying to think of ways to spend time with Edward. I practically glared a hole through my dad's T-shirt when I saw that he had put up his tent right in between ours. How was I supposed to sneak over there now?

I was still fuming at my dad when Edward caught my eye across the fire. His green eyes were mischievous as he smirked at me before looking away. I felt my face heat up even though I knew that he couldn't have possibly known what I was doing in the trees.

I feigned tiredness just so that way I could go in my tent. It was awkward as all hell sitting at that damn fire. It was even worse than being in the car or the restaurant because at least then there were sounds around us. There it was only silence.

I had just gotten up to leave when my dad said my name.

"What?" I asked him. I tried not to snap at him.

"You know we have to talk about this sometime, right?" He looked defeated, and even older than he really was. The last thing I wanted to do that weekend was talk to him.

_He's still your father no matter what. _

"Not tonight," I growled as I left the fire and went in my tent. I couldn't even turn back to look at Edward before I zipped it up.

I changed into my sweats and got in my sleeping bag. I was nowhere near tired but I sure as hell didn't want to spend more time with my dad.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my iPod. I knew I could trust my music to tune out everything. I hit shuffle and just closed my eyes as I let the music fill my ears.

The music drowned out everything and that was why I didn't hear him come in my tent. I was lying on my side, facing away from the door, and had my eyes closed. All I could feel was the music.

Until I felt someone touch my shoulder.

My whole body jumped and I opened my mouth but then there was a hand over it…and I saw _him._ He was standing there in my tent with his pajamas on. My breathing slowed as I realized that I had overreacted. Who else was it going to be?

I pulled my earphones out as Edward sat next to me.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked him. It's not that him being there was a bad thing. Not at all.

"I wanted to see you," he murmured as he gazed at me intently. "I didn't get to tell you goodnight," he whispered as he rose up to get closer to me. His green eyes stared at mine for a moment before he closed his eyes and pressed his lips into mine. I relaxed immediately and let him take control. His hands came up to grip the back of my neck and to thread his fingers in my hair.

He didn't try to turn it into a full on make-out session. He kissed me gently and softly. It wasn't like the kisses I had other girls. That kiss was something entirely different.

Edward kissed me once more before pulling away.

His green eyes were dark and I could see the lust in them. His eyes darted down to my lips before he backed away from me with a groan.

We both took a moment to breathe and to get ourselves under control. How could those simple kisses us turn us into that? Both of us were on the verge of attacking one another in the next few seconds before we started calming down.

"Well, that was one hell of a goodnight," I mused aloud. I watched as Edward turned bright red across the tent. He laughed and the smile on his face looked so damn good.

"I also came to see how you were feeling…" he said quietly. He inched a little closer to me so that way we were nearly touching.

"I don't know," I sighed. Everything was so fucked up that my emotions were running all over the place.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"Not really."

"Okay," he sighed. He started to get up to leave and I panicked. I didn't want him to go. Not yet, anyway.

"Stay. Please," my voice sounded weird. His eyes were soft as he moved closer to me. Questions bubbled up inside of me. I didn't know what provoked me to ask them. "How did you know you were bi? Have you ever been with another guy? What does it feel like?" The questions were rushed and jumbled together. My face was heating up from me even asking.

Edward just stared at me. It made me feel like an idiot for even asking.

"I knew I was bi after I started noticing things about my best friend. I would catch myself thinking about him, checking him out. Then it became other guys too," he smiled a little as he looked over at me. "Yes, I've been with a guy before," he murmured. "It's different than a girl, I guess. More muscle and less softness. And of course there's a cock instead," he smirked.

"Are you a…" I couldn't seem to say the words.

"I've only bottomed before. But I imagine I would be both," he told me. His face was bright red. I figured that I should drop the subject since we were both uncomfortable anyway.

"Okay," I murmured. I pulled up my sleeping bag so that way I could slip in. Edward just sat there less than two feet away from me gazing at me with those intense eyes of his.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Jasper." I glanced at him again. "It's not like I'm going to force you to have sex with me."

"Kinky," I smirked at him. He reached over to push me and I caught his arm. I pulled him closer before kissing him lightly and pulling back. "I know wouldn't," I whispered in his ear. "I was just curious about the things that I might try with you."

I felt him shiver before I pulled away. His eyes were dark and so fucking sexy.

"Goodnight, Edward," I told him. He smiled once more before he left my tent. I lay back down and this time I didn't put back in my earphones. I just lay there and think about _him_ until I fell asleep.

* * *

**~SATURDAY~**  
I woke up late. Or earlier than I would have slept since my dad was the one who woke me. I could smell the food before I even got out of my tent. I stumbled out of the tent and saw that my dad and Edward were already eating.

I grumbled as I started putting my own eggs on my plate. The fire was still going and there was a pan, which my dad had made the eggs. I was groggy and half-asleep but my stomach still wanted food.

It was only when I was fully awake and done eating when I noticed _him._

I had just gotten rid of my plate and was drinking my water when I saw that he was staring at me. But I guess it wasn't really staring….it was more like ogling. His eyes were as dark as they were the night before as they traveled down my body and concentrated on my chest. I had thrown my shirt off sometime during the night and I hadn't put it back on when I came out to eat.

I was technically half naked.

And Edward was checking me out.

That's when I realized that not only was I half-naked but that I had morning wood. I got even harder with his eyes on me. His gaze traveled upwards till they met mine. I scurried back to my tent in an instant. I would have had a mess in my pants in seconds if I had stood there any longer with him looking at me like that.

Looking at me like he wanted to devour me. I had gotten looks like that from girls but _him_? That was nothing like those other times. That look drove me crazy and made me want him even more.

I focused on getting some clothes on and calming myself down. But my mind wouldn't let me. My mind was distracted with ways to get to Edward.

That's when I remembered where we were and I thought of the perfect spot to take him. Back when I was there as a kid I loved to go to this swimming pond surrounded by trees while my dad went fishing.

Maybe I could sweet-talk him into going fishing while I took Edward swimming. I smiled to myself as my thoughts went wild.

Swimming with Edward meant a wet Edward. A half-naked Edward.

And an endlessly turned Jasper.

I groaned aloud at the thoughts in my perverted brain. I was struggling to pull my pants over my hips and protruding member when I heard my dad. I hadn't exactly been as quiet as I thought I had.

"You okay in there Jasper?" he asked.

"Peachy," I grumbled as I finally pulled up my swimming trunks.

I had what I wanted to my dad planned out in my head. I didn't really feel guilty about what I was going to do since most of it was true anyway. I was just doing it for a totally different reason.

"Hey dad?" I asked as I came up to him as he finished cleaning things up. Edward was still in his tent and I was thankful that he wouldn't be there to witness everything.

"Yeah?" his face showed the little bit of shock that he was trying to hide.

"I know we need to talk and stuff, " I trailed off and my dad nodded. "But I think that we should just wait until tonight."

"Okay," my dad shrugged.

"I thought that maybe I could take Edward up to the swimming hole," I suggested.

"That sounds great!" he smiled. "I was going to go fishing anyway." Predictable. Even years later he still did the same exact thing. "Maybe you guys could meet me down there later," he suggested.

"Sure," I told him even though the last thing I wanted to do was go fishing. I was going to try to spend most of my time with Edward.

I watched as my dad got his fishing gear ready before he headed down to the lake. He didn't meet my eyes once and I was happy. I hoped he felt bad about what he did to me.

And what he was doing to Edward and his mom.

I sighed before I walked over to Edward's tent.

"Edward?" I called out.

"Yeah?" he asked as he unzipped his tent. He was fully dressed but I didn't feel bad about him having to change.

"Do you want to go swimming with me? There's this really cool swimming hole and I thought that maybe you wanted to go-" he cut me off.

"Jasper," he interjected.

"Yeah?"  
"I'll go," he smiled. "But I didn't bring my swimming trunks…"

"Just wear your shorts then," I smirked. "Duh." He punched me lightly before stepping out of his tent. He walked beside me as he followed me back onto the trail. I couldn't help noticing the looks that he was giving me. How could I not, since I was doing the same?

It was a short time before we got there and my nerves were buzzing with anticipation. I tried not to pay attention as Edward started stripping off his shirt. But the trees weren't that interesting and my eyes were glued on him. My eyes trailed down his lean chest down to that magnificent V that was cut off by his shorts.

Fuck. Me. Now.

I jumped in the water before Edward could see my reaction. The cold water was an instant remedy to the problem that I was having. Once I came back up to the surface and shook the water out of my eyes I noticed that Edward was still standing by the trees.

"Aren't you coming in?" I smirked. He nodded and nodded before stepping tentatively in the water. "C'mon man, it's not _that _cold," I teased him.

Edward didn't say anything.

I dove underwater as I waited for him to reach me. I loved this pond when I was younger. It was deep and surrounded by trees. It was a whole other world than Seattle. It hadn't changed at all since that last time that I was there.

I reached the surface again. I shook out my hair and wiped the water from my eyes. My eyes immediately searched for him but found nothing.

"Edward?" I called. Where the hell did he go? If he didn't want to swim he could've fucking told me. No answer.

Then I saw the bubbles and a hint of a flailing arm. Shit.

My heart pounded and my breathing became shallow as I swam with all I had to reach him. My mind was running wild and I couldn't stop myself from panicking. I dove underwater before I reached the spot that I saw his arm waving. It was the spot in the pond where it became deep.

I saw a flash of white and pushed with all I had. He was still struggling to reach the surface and I reached out to him. Once he got a hold of me I pushed us towards the surface. His arms wrapped around my neck and his legs found themselves surrounding my waist.

We broke through the water and we both sucked in all the air we could get. He pulled himself tighter to me and I knew he was afraid to let go.

"Fuck, are you okay, Edward," I leaned away so I could see his face. His green eyes were frightened.

"Yeah," he croaked. He let go of me once we reached the shallow end and climbed out.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"I can't swim," he murmured. What?  
"Why the hell didn't you tell me that before?" I asked angrily. I knew I was just trying to cover up how panicked I was.

I was surprised to see the flash of anger in his eyes.

"Because I didn't want you to think that I'm weak," he said roughly. I sat down next to him as I thought of what to say.

"I don't think you're weak. You're the strongest person I know," I told him. His head shot up so quickly I thought it might give him whiplash.

"Yeah right," he scoffed.

"You've been through so much shit in your life but you're still here. You've got it worse than me but here I am doing the complaining."

"Trying to commit suicide isn't strong," he whispered. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to say something.

"You're strong to me," I told him. "and I don't want you to feel you have to live up to some standard with me. I like you just how you are." He smiled at my cheesy line.

"Be serious," he laughed.

"I am."

He stared at me for the longest time before he looked away with a red face.

"Could you teach me how to swim?" he mumbled. I smiled before I got a hold of myself. My inner gay was doing a little happy dance at his words.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes." His green eyes were piercing. He reached over to grab my hand. I knew that it was his way of saying that he trusted me.

This was fucking torture. I wasn't talking about the teaching Edward to swim part. It was the inability to control my cock anytime the boy was around.

But it wouldn't have any of that. Especially when I was touching a wet Edward.

We were working on floating and I had my hands underneath him to hold him up. His skin was so warm compared to the iciness of the water. It was unbelievably hard to keep reminding myself that I was teaching him to swim…not groping him.

I didn't know how long that would last.

"This is so easy," he mused as I gently removed my hands from him. They were aching to touch his skin as soon as I wasn't connected to him anymore.

"This is just floating," I smirked. "We haven't gotten to the hard part yet," I snickered. He rolled his eyes at me and I couldn't help smiling. He didn't look as frightened as he was before. His green eyes were relaxed as he floated on the water in front of me.

"So what next?" he asked.

"Are you sure you want to do more?" I asked him. I didn't know how much torture I could last through before I began getting blue balls.

He nodded and the brilliant smile that lit up his face was all I needed to know that I would do anything for him.

"Okay," I sighed. "Flip over then." He tried to cover up his panic as he flipped over on his stomach. My hands immediately slid under his stomach to hold him. "I won't let you go," I whispered so quietly that I didn't even know if he heard it.

He turned his head to look at me and I couldn't seem to look away. But those green eyes weren't soft like I thought they would be. No, they were dark and full of lust.

_Hot. Damn. _

My breathing hitched and my shorts got even tighter.

"Now what do I do?" his voice was gravelly and so fucking sexy.

"Put your arms out," I slid one of my hands down his shoulder to his forearm. He shuddered. I swallowed. "Now your legs," my voice was broken. Both of my hands hovered just under his stomach.

"Then?" he asked with the sexiest smirk I had ever seen. His tongue ran over his bottom lip and I saw a flash of his tongue ring.

I slowly backed away from him and he managed to stay afloat himself. I demonstrated to him how to move his arms and legs for the butterfly. Having his eyes on me made me stumble.

"Now it's your turn," I told him.

"Okay," he breathed like he was talking himself into doing it. I watched him close his eyes before he tried to copy what I had shown him.

One second he was completely fine and the next second he was struggling. I was less than a foot away so I was easy for him to grab onto.

But he did more than just grab onto me.

Legs became wrapped around my waist just as arms appeared on my shoulders. I tensed up immediately as he pressed into my cock. I was so fucking hard and I knew that he must've felt it. I tried to angle him away so that way it wasn't pressing into him.

We were supposed to take it slow and here I was hard as a rock from seeing him wet..and also touching him.

The more I tried to distance myself the more he tried to pull himself closer to me. I started walking us to the edge of the pond.

"We're quitting?" he asked.

"For now," I muttered. I was so turned on that it wasn't funny.

"Oh," he said softly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No! Why would you even think that?" I exclaimed. We had just reached the edge of the pond and I let him slip away.

"Because….you won't even look at me. You won't even touch me either." Fuck. Why couldn't he just leave it? I mean, I really didn't want to blurt out what my issue was. I guess I was going to have to.

"Because," I told him. "You have me so damn horny that I can't even think straight," my words came out angry. "And having you all over me and the looks…and everything else is making it fucking hard to take it slow with you. I want you so bad it's driving me crazy." I watched his expression change so many times that I didn't know if he was going to laugh or attack me.

"Jasper, when I meant take it slow I didn't mean that we couldn't do..other things. I just didn't mean we shouldn't jump into to bed and go at it like rabbits right of the start…" he trailed off. "and just so you know, you're driving me crazy too. Especially with all the looks…and seeing you all sweaty and fierce…." He stepped closer to me so that way we were only a foot and a half apart. "If only I hadn't suggested we had separate tents….I could've done something about this." He lightly grazed the head of my dick through my shorts. My eyes closed in pleasure before they reopened to find Edward walking away as he smirked at me.

I was left standing there with the worst case of blue balls in the world and the only thought that was running through my mind was to destroy my fucking tent.

* * *

Ripping a tent was a lot harder than it seemed like it would. My dad and Edward had went on a "bonding" fishing trip and so I was left alone. That gave me the perfect opportunity to destroy my tent.

But it wasn't fucking working and it was driving me nuts. I had to get this done. I _needed _to get this done. I wasn't going to spend the last night sleeping by myself. I knew what I wanted and there was no fucking stopping me. Not this time. Not anymore.

I began scavenging through my stuff to see if there was something- anything- I could use to cut the tent. But there was nothing. I had a toothbrush…and clothes. But what else could I use?

How about a smore stick? I smirked to myself as I sauntered over to where my dad kept the stuff. Why the hell hadn't I thought of that before hand?

It didn't matter. All that mattered was getting done before they got back. Once I had the stick in my hand I made my way back over to my tent. I held the marshmallow stick like a spear and readied myself to attack my tent.

If Edward could see all that he'd be on the ground laughing. My face heat up just thinking about it.

One slash, two..three…I didn't know when to stop. I had to make it look like an animal attacked my tent. So I kept going.

I laughed as I did it. I had it so fucking bad for that boy that I was willing to destroy my tent for that boy. It was nuts. Completely nuts. B

But completely worth it.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" my dad asked as he and Edward came back into the clearing. I hid the smirk before I turned to him. I went hiking for a while and when I came back my tent was fucking trashed. I pretended to be furious but it was so hard to keep myself from bursting out laughing.

My dad didn't say anything as he stared at the tattered ruins which was my tent. I couldn't tell what Edward was thinking and it made my stomach twist.

I had been thinking about what I wanted the entire time…I hadn't thought about what he might think. What if he really wasn't ready to share a tent?

Doubts flooded my mind.

Edward disappeared inside his tent and it only left my dad and me. I watched as he started the fire so that way we could eat. It was already getting dark and I knew what that meant….

Talking. And it had to be done. I just didn't know where to start.

Luckily, I didn't need to.

"I fell in love with your mom back in high school," he paused and a crooked smile lit up his face. "She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. But she became more than that. She was everything to me and so I married her once we got out of high school.

"Things were good. We went to college together. Parties, laughs, everything I did with her. It was amazing," he laughed. "But then one day she told me she was pregnant. She was so upset…so scared and I didn't know what to do. I was happy to have you, to have something that was a part of me.

"I didn't know what was going to happen once you were born. I never thought that she would abandon you for drugs. I hated her then," he looked up at me. "I hated her for what she did to you. You were an innocent child…you never deserved any of it.

"But I should've never lied to you. I should have told you sooner. And I'm sorry. I really am."

I took a deep breath. A storm was raging inside of me and I wasn't going to let it out. Not yet anyway.

"Why are you leaving?" I asked him. My voice was in a whisper but I felt like I screamed it.

"Renee wants to get away, to leave everything behind."

"So that means leaving me behind too?" I spit out between my clenched teeth.

"No, Jasper. That's not what this is. You know I wish I could bring you with me…."

"Why not? Why didn't you ever say anything about it?" I demanded.

"I didn't want you to have to choose between your..mom and me." Oh. Crap. I didn't think about that. Obviously. It wasn't like I had much choice anyway. My mom was always there for me, and I knew that she would be my choice.

But what about Edward? You could leave and be with him….

"Why are you keeping this from Edward?"

"It isn't up to me…" he said as his eyes bored into mine. "Renee has to be the one to tell him."

"This isn't fair. Not to me or to Edward," I seethed.

"Life isn't fair. You'll learn someday," my dad said angrily. "You don't think that I'm upset about this? You don't think that it hurts me to leave you? To keep secrets from Renee? To know that if she ever found out everything would crumble? It hurts. It really fucking does so don't think that you're the only one suffering here."

I sat there for a minute stunned. My dad never cussed. Never. So he must really be pissed if he was talking like that.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." His voice wasn't angry anymore…more like defeated. I didn't say anything, didn't even nod. I couldn't and I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. I couldn't forgive him like my mom. I couldn't forgive him easily because he was doing almost the exact same thing as _she _did. My biological mother. And that hurt most of all.

"What was her name?" I whispered.

"Charlotte." There was an awkward silence as we just sat there avoiding each other's gaze. "Time to eat, Edward," he called.

He came out of his tent and I was suddenly worried about how much he could have heard. His face didn't show anything different so I guessed we were in the clear.

_Don't you think you should tell him?_

I swallowed my guilt as Edward sat near me after getting his food. I avoided both of their eyes and concentrated on the food that I couldn't eat. I don't know how long I stared at my plate of food before my dad spoke.

"So, since your tent is ruined I guess you'll have to share with one of us," my dad said as he grabbed my full plate of food. I glanced over at Edward to see that those brilliant green eyes were focused on me.

I raised my eyebrow at him in a silent question.

He smirked and then shrugged. I guess I was rooming with him.

I started gathering my stuff and dragging it into Jasper's tent. My dad didn't say anything but I knew he wanted to. I would forgive him eventually, just not then.

Once I finished getting my stuff in the tent Edward and I rearranged so that way we both had enough room to sleep in the one-person tent. It was going to be a tight fit. I smirked to myself as I realized that.

_Now you can sleep next to him, aren't you happy now?_

I was but that didn't take away the anxiousness I was feeling. We both sat on our separate sleeping bags which were less than a foot apart.

"So how did it go?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I'll let it go eventually," I mumbled. "How was fishing?" I smirked. I laughed quietly as Edward grimaced. "That bad?"

"Not really," he sighed. "But the whole bonding stuff isn't really my thing." He was quiet for a moment before I saw the smirk reappear on his face. "It sure sucks that your tent got tore up," he sounded as if he were trying to hold back laughter.

"Yeah," I mumbled as I felt my face grow hot.

Somehow as we sat there we began gravitating towards each other eventually. I was close enough to touch him. Close enough to kiss him.

_Do it. Don't be a fucking pussy._

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. They were as soft as I remembered. I tried to take it slow…to breathe him in, to savor the stud of his tongue ring exploring my mouth. I felt myself getting lost though. In his scent. In his taste. In his body.

I was in a frenzy. My hands gripped his hair and pulled him closely. His hands wandered over me and ignited a fire that flowed through my entire being. They tugged me down on top of him. Chest to chest. Knee to knee. Cock to cock.

His kiss covered the moan that escaped me as I felt how hard he was. It drove me even wilder to see that he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

I couldn't take it anymore. My lips attacked his neck and I kissed my way up his jaw. His breathing and quiet moans drove me insane. I wanted him so fucking bad.

He kissed me back roughly and his hands wrapped themselves in my hair. My hips started to move on their own as they rocked into him. At first it was only slightly but my body couldn't take it and I rubbed my self on him shamelessly.

_Wait. _

I pulled away from him with a gasp to see those hooded dark eyes.

"What's wrong?" his voice was thick. I couldn't help staring at his mouth. The sweet red mouth that was swollen from my kisses.

"You wanted to take this slow," I managed to get out.

Suddenly he was kissing me again. But before I could lose my head he pulled away.

"I do. But if we both don't get some sort of release we're gonna end up going crazy," he smirked. "I want you so bad that it's driving me crazy," he said as he green eyes simmered.

"Fuck," I groaned as he pushed his hips up to mine. It felt so damn good but I needed more. I needed to touch him. Was I supposed to do the same as I would with a girl?

"I want," I managed to get out before his lips came down on mine.

"You want what?" he asked breathlessly as he continued to rock against me.

"I want to touch you…but I don't know how," I admitted with cheeks that were on fire. Edward laughed and I looked away until I felt his hand cupping my jaw.

"Stop fighting this, Jasper. I want you and you want me. Just do what feels good," he smiled.

My hands slid under his T-shirt and he lifted my arms so I could take it off. He threw it to the other side of the tent before he reached up to yank me down. Our hips rocked against each others as we kissed.

But I wanted more. I needed more.

I pulled away from his mouth and slid down to his chest. I kissed and licked my way up his abdomen and over his stomach. I could both see and hear his breathing pick up as I moved upward.

I was rewarded with a groan when I kissed around his nipples. Hmm…I wonder if it felt as good for guys to have their nipples sucked on?

_Go for it._

His back arched as my lips closed around the taut nub. I glanced up to see his eyes clenched closed and his mouth open in a silent moan.

_I guess that answered your question. _

I kept my eyes on him as I moved to the other nipple and did the same. His eyes flashed open to find me staring at him. As soon as his eyes found me I felt my body being flipped over onto my back and Edward hovering over me.

"Oh, fuck," I hissed as he tore off my shirt and threw it somewhere on the other side of the tent. His lips attached themselves to my neck and I tilted my head to give him better access. His lips and tongue made their way up to my ear.

"Do you want me to touch you, Jasper? I can feel how hard you are for me…"

"Yes," I moaned loudly before his lips silenced me.

"Shh," he smirked. "You're too fucking loud." The groan struggled to get out of me as I heard the profanity spill from between his lips. Edward never cussed and I'd be damned if it wasn't the sexiest thing ever.

I felt his hands slowly make their way down my chest, over my ribs, down my hips to my shorts where he began to pull them off.

My cock sprang out hard as a rock, pointed upwards, and leaking a trail of precum.

"You're so beautiful," Edward whispered. Those three simple words had my heart pounding and me struggling for air. I felt so vulnerable as I felt his eyes travel over me.

I couldn't take it. There was something about the awestruck look in his eyes that did something to me.

I reached up to grab his dark hair and pull him to me. My mouth found his as my hands snuck down between our bodies to reach for his shorts.

"I don't think so," he smirked. "Me first," he said as he wrapped his hand around my cock. My hips shot up and my head flew back. I covered my face with my arm to muffle the noise that was coming out of me.

If this felt this good how good was everything else going to feel? I mean, I was already on the edge and we had barely done anything. This fucker was going to kill me.

But what a wonderful way to die, right?

There was something I wanted to do first though. I needed to touch him. I needed to make him cum and to watch the look of ecstasy on his face knowing that I was the one to put it there. Me.

I leaned up on my elbows so that way I could see him. The image in front of me was one that almost sent me sailing over the edge. Edward had one hand wrapped around my cock…and one wrapped around his with his shorts around his knees. Fuck. Me.

I leaned forward and pulled him back down with me. Our naked cocks rubbed together and he moaned into my mouth as I kissed him. Once I had him good and distracted I reached down and took his cock in my hand.

I thought it would be weird touching another guy…but it wasn't. Knowing that I had the power to make him that hard…to put him in a frenzy that made him grind against me…it made everything else go away.

His hips bucked into my hand as mine did the same.

"Oh, shit, Jasper," he moaned as his head dropped to my shoulder. "I'm not gonna last much longer," he panted.

"Me neither," I gasped out. My body was starting to tingle and I felt my body tense in anticipation. "Cum with me, Edward," I groaned

His body shook above mine as he began to cum.

"Jasper," he moaned. My eyes darted up to his face so I wouldn't miss any of it. His head was thrown back and his mouth was open. Pleasure was etched all over his face and I felt my ego swell knowing that it was because of me.

And just as his eyes opened to see me I came so fucking hard. My body trembled with how good it felt and I never wanted it to stop. None of the other times had ever felt that good. Never.

Once I came back to reality I opened my eyes to see Edward hovering over me with the greatest satiated look on his face. He was watching me and once he realized I was aware his cheeks darkened.

He crawled off of me and got his T-shirt to wipe the both of us off. Even in my post-orgasmic glow I knew that something was wrong.

We both pulled on our sweats to sleep in and jumped in our sleeping bags. We were so close that I could practically feel the body heat radiating off of him.

"What's the matter?" I asked him as I rolled to face him. He was on his back staring straight up.

"Nothing." It was a lie. We both knew it.

"Tell me," I told him softly.

"I'm embarrassed," he admitted.

"About what?"

"The things I said…"he whispered. The things he said? Oh. _Oh._

"Why should you be embarrassed?" I asked him. I mean, shit, what he said really turned me on.

"Because…I normally wouldn't say stuff like that."

"I know," I smirked. "Look at me," I told him. He reluctantly turned his head to look at me. "What you said turned me on so fucking much that it drove me crazy. Don't be embarrassed, okay? I liked it," I smiled softly as he cheeks reddened even more.

"Okay," he mumbled.

We both lay there for a while neither of us saying anything. Somehow I just ended up speaking my mind.

"I thought it would be weird," I admitted.

"Huh?" he turned to me. I couldn't help noticing how messed up his hair was from my fingers and our fooling around. I couldn't say I didn't like it.

"I thought it would be weird being with a guy. But it wasn't." He smiled and nodded. I felt my eyes close and I just lay there for a while, not sleeping, but not fully awake.

But then I heard Edward moving. My eyes shot open and Edward's face was like a deer in the headlights. He had moved his sleeping bag and pillow closer to me.

"Is this okay?" he asked as he lay down next to me. The rocks tumbled in my stomach again, or maybe it was those fucking butterflies.

"You're a cuddler aren't you?" I teased him.

"Shut up" he punched me in the arm. He started moving away from me and I felt myself fill with the guilt. If I wanted to admit the truth to myself I would say that I didn't want him to move away. That I wanted to be close to him too.

"It's okay," I reached out to touch him. His eyes searched mine in the dim light of the tent. I don't know whatever he found but it was enough to make him lay back down.

But I didn't expect him to face away from me. I felt something in my stomach drop. We were close but no longer touching anymore.

_Then you move. You want to. Just fucking do it already._

But I shouldn't want that. I shouldn't want any of this.

_Does it really matter anymore?_

Maybe not. But spooning was for lovers and shit, not for two fucked up teenage boys.

_Give in already. _

Okay.

I moved forward as silently as I could. My body molded to his and I pressed my face into his shoulders. I felt him take a deep breath before relaxing. I should've put my arm around him like I wanted, but I didn't. I wasn't ready for that. But for now it was enough.

* * *

**Thoughts? Comments? I would love to know what you think. Thank you so much for reading!**

**PLM 3**


	11. Chapter 9 Part I

**Well hello again! I am terribly sorry for the months and months that I haven't updated. Let's just say..life got crazy and my writing had to take a back seat for a while. No worries! I am back. And I do plan to finish this story. For those of you still sticking with me...THANK YOU. Your support means the world to me and this is why I am continuing to write. I'm not sure when updates will be...it should be a month or less. And feel free to message me and yell at me to get a move on it...it is appreciated. **

**This is for you! I hope you enjoy. :)**

**TLOT: Chapter 9 Part I- The Time We Had to Make a Plan**

(BEFORE FRIDAY)

I was in a constant state of turmoil since that weekend. _He _was all I could think about. Everything was blurred around me because I was lost in my thoughts about him. What was he doing? Was he thinking about me like I was thinking about him? Did he want me like I wanted him?

_No. Grow some balls, Jasper. It's like you turned into a chick overnight._

My fingers reached for my phone before I even realized what I was doing.

**Hey, what's up? ** I texted him. I waited.

**Finishing up homework. C&R out to eat. **He texted me ten minutes later.

My mind turned those words over and over until I realized the one thing that I wanted to do. It had been an entire week since I had seen him. Charlie and Renee were gone…

Hmm, I smirked to myself. It was Friday night, mom wouldn't even expect me to be home anyway.

My feet were off the bed before I could lose my nerve and sit back down. Screw the fucking butterflies and whatever else was rolling around in my stomach. I wasn't a damn pansy either just because I wanted to see him.

_Nope. Not at all._

I grabbed my phone and shoved it in my jeans. I was out the door in less than a minute.

It was only when I began walking that the doubts began. What would he think about me coming to see him? I didn't want him to think I was clingy. But damn..I fucking wanted him.

_Guess that means you have to get over it, huh?_

I shook my head and continued to walk at a faster pace. There was no way in hell that I was going to chicken out now. I had my mind set and there wasn't anything that was going to change it.

I was so focused on my own thoughts that I didn't even realize I was at his house already till I was walking to the front door. That's when it finally hit me.

My palms started sweating and I swear I had trouble breathing. There was only one thing running through my head.

What. The. Hell.

What the hell was I doing here? What the hell was wrong with me? What the hell is happening? What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Too late. My feet carried me up the few porch steps to the door. My hand raised and knocked three times. The rocks rolled around in my stomach and I had to swallow hard against the lump in my throat.

Surprise was written all over his face when he saw me standing there.

"Jasper?" was the only word he managed to get out. I don't know if he would've said more. I didn't care about what he was going to say either.

I pushed him back inside the house and kicked the door shut before pinning him against it and attacking his mouth with mine. His lips instantly responded to mine.

I couldn't help it. I bit and sucked at his lips. My tongue tangled with his and my fingers reached up to grip his short hair. I couldn't breathe; but I couldn't stop either.

My hands slipped from his hair and down his neck. My fingers skimmed his shoulders and down his arms. I pulled him closer to me by the belt loops in his jeans.

I could feel him—how hard he was for me. _I_ made him feel that way. Me—and only me.

_Wait. What?_

I pulled away from him with a gasp—both from lack of oxygen and shock that that thought would even cross my mind.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked as he tried to control his breathing. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't exactly tell him that I was at home panting at the thought of seeing him and I ended up here…

"I wanted to see you," I said and my eyes slid away from those bright green orbs. I couldn't take him looking at me for some reason. I should've been used to having his eyes on me.

"Jasper," his voice was husky and my hands clenched into fists at my sides. It was too tempting to tilt my head up and look at him. It was even more tempting to kiss him again. "Jasper, look at me." Something in his voice made me do it. I didn't want to. Hell, I was so fucking scared of the reasons I was there in the first place. I didn't know whether to flee or to stay. He made that decision for me.

His fingers reached under my jaw and pulled my face up so I was forced to look at him. My throat closed up as I met his green eyes. All the words left me and I was just left there standing in front of him.

"I wanted to see you too," he said without looking away. It was like he was trying to tell me something without saying anything out loud. Maybe I wasn't crazy. Maybe he wanted this as much as I did.

I waited. I wanted him to kiss _me. _

I watched those green eyes dart to my mouth and back to my eyes. I willed him to just fucking do it already. It was torture to stay still, to let him come to me. But if he didn't kiss me in the next twenty seconds there was no telling what I was going to do.

Something twisted inside me when I saw him lean towards me. I didn't care though; I was too focused on Edward. My eyes closed instantly and I waited. It felt like the seconds were dragging until I felt his lips touch mine.

It was soft, tentative. The kiss wasn't fueled by the ever-present anger and confusion between us. Sure, it was intense but we weren't shoving each other's tongue down each other's throats. We took our time. It was…different.

_ Inner chick again, Jasper. Are you going to start referencing him as your knight in shining armor next?_

Maybe. I couldn't help but notice more things—like the way his fingers were softly brushing against my neck. His lips were soft but not too insistent.

This should have been our first kiss, I realized.

_But it wouldn't have meant this much and you know it. _

We pulled away slowly and I was still a little hesitant to meet his eyes. I wasn't used to feeling like this. I wasn't used to being the vulnerable one, not knowing what was going to happen.

_You can't always have control. _

I guess it was time you learned that.

Luckily, the awkwardness didn't last for long. Edward broke into a smirk and I felt my face heat up. I just couldn't decide whether it was more from embarrassment or from the fact that seeing him smirk wanted to make me do so many naughty things to him.

"You hungry?" he asked and turned, leaving me standing there in the hallway. I guess the only choice I had was to follow him. Edward and food. What's not to like?

"We gotta figure something out," Edward said as he settled on his bed facing me.

"I know," I groaned.

"Two weeks is too damn long," he said with a slight growl in his voice. He had no fucking clue what the growling was doing to me. It was hard to keep myself in check, especially when he was teasing me.

I couldn't look at him. I don't why I insisted on continuing to fight these feelings. It was obvious that I wanted him…so why fight it? Maybe part of me was still scared….scared of screwing this up like I always did.

"Jasper?" he asked quietly. I still didn't open my eyes…still lost in denial. I felt the bed move as he shuffled over to me. I hated the way my heart sped up. I hated the way my hands wanted so badly to yank him even closer to me. I hated how I wanted him so much that I had walked all the way across town to see him.

My arms broke out in goosebumps as soon as his fingers touched me. His hand lightly rested against my neck as he nuzzled his face into my jaw. And I loved how my skin tingled from his touch. I loved how he was the only one who made me feel like this.

Fucked up, right? I loved and hated what he did to me.

_ Stop fighting it Jasper. _For once I agreed.

I grabbed him by the collar and tugged him to me. My fingers reached under his jaw to pull his face to mine. My lips attacked his feverishly. There was no stopping this chaotic feeling that was running through my veins. I reached out for him pulling him even closer. I couldn't get enough. It was _never_ enough. I licked his bottom lip with my tongue, begging for entrance. I fucking needing this and there was no stopping it anymore.

My fingers threaded themselves into his short hair before sliding down to his neck. My lips continued to press into his as our tongues tangled. I would never get tired of this; I would never forget the way he tasted, the way he felt against me.

"Fuck, Jasper," he groaned as he pulled his mouth away from mine. I didn't want this to end so I pressed my lips against his jaw and traveled down his neck. I concentrated on his heavy panting in my ear and the smell of him that was so prominent whenever I was around him. "Jasper," he said again and I immediately moved away to look at him. I needed to know what he was thinking and to see those brilliant green eyes of his.

As soon as I looked at him I wanted to kiss him again. His hair was sticking up in all different directions. His lips were pouty and red from my kisses. But those weren't even comparable to the look in his eyes. No, the look in his eyes had my cock straining against the fabric of my jeans. That look could drive me insane.

Those green eyes were bright with lust. He wanted me. I lost every ounce of control that was keeping me from doing what I wanted the most. I took one look at those lips of his and I was done. He moaned as my mouth returned to his.

I was on fire. I needed him to touch me; I needed to touch him everywhere. My hands found their way underneath his shirt and my fingertips roamed his smooth skin.

"Touch me, Jasper," he moaned breathlessly.

_You don't have to tell me twice._

His shirt was off in an instant and my mouth was back on his neck. His moaning was torturous. I wanted to reach down and adjust myself but I didn't want to stop doing what I was doing. I could wait until later. This couldn't. My hands traveled down his chest as I kissed my way up to his ear. Once my fingers touched the top of his jeans I whispered in his ear.

"Do you want me to touch you here?" I asked him as my fingers teased beneath the top of his jeans.

"Please," he groaned. That sound went straight to my dick and I had thought that it was impossible to get even harder. The things this boy did to me….

My fingers teased the skin beneath his jeans before reaching for the button. That's when I heard the front door rattle.

_Shit._

I was off the bed in less than two seconds. I was to the window in less than three. I glanced back at Edward still stunned and staring at me from his bed. I couldn't help noticing how disheveled and turned on he looked. It made me want to think twice.

_Don't. Just go. _

"Text me," I whispered. I threw one leg out of the window and was ready to jump before I heard him speak.

"Wait," it was barely a murmur but I could still hear. I paused and turned to look at him. He got off the bed and walked towards me all the while never breaking eye contact.

I wasn't aware that he was even kissing me until he pulled away. I was beyond surprised.

"Edward! I'm home!" Renee called. Fuck.

"Go," Edward said pushing me back out the window. I smirked at him before dropping off the edge. I glanced back one more time before sprinting around the corner. Even when I closed my eyes, I could still his.

I was thinking about _him _when I ran into _her._ I wouldn't have even noticed her had I she not said anything.

"Jasper?" she asked even though she knew damn well that it was me.

"What's up?" I asked her. I know we weren't always on the best of terms.

"You were over at Edward's weren't you?" she demanded.

"Umm, yeah," I answered her as nonchalantly as possible.

"Why?"

"Why does it matter to you?" I countered.

"It matters to me because Edward is important to me," she stepped closer to me. Those brown eyes of hers were shining with anger.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. I see the way you look at him," she said with a hint of a smirk. I didn't say anything. How could I? "I've also seen the way he looks at you- the way he talks about you."

I stood there for a moment. I didn't want to say anything but my curiosity got the best of me.

"What do you mean?"

"Like you haven't noticed," she laughed. "The way he stares at you longingly- the way he would do practically anything you asked him too. It's obvious," her voice began to get angry. "It's also obvious the way you keep stringing him along. All you are ever going to do is hurt him and I can't just stand by and watch."

"I'm not going to hurt him," I growled. I couldn't believe that she was saying this to me. I can't believe that I was still standing there. I should have just walked away.

"You already did," she glared at me. "He deserves so much better than you."

"You're only saying this because he doesn't want _you_," I countered. If looks could kill I would have been dead.

"Once he gets tired of your bullshit he will leave. Once you hurt him so badly he is going to walk away and he is never going to come back. Just you wait and see," she smiled and began to walk away.

I was left there standing with clenched fists and anger rippling off of me.

_Even though you're mad, you might just want to take her advice._

What advice? I wasn't ever going to hurt Edward. Not again anyway. I cared about him too much.

_Aww._

I started my walk back home again with her words repeating themselves in my head. There was only so much time left. I was graduating high school in a week. Then there were only three months left. Three months until my dad was gone and he took Edward with him.

_He still doesn't know._

I still didn't know what to do.

* * *

**FRIDAY**

I was super excited to go to my dad's house that night. It was all I could think about for days. My last day of school had been three days before and I had done nothing but pace and think. I was restless, and I also really wanted to see Edward.

"He will be here soon, sweetie," my mom smiled from her place where she was curled up on the couch reading. She probably thought I was excited to see my dad, not the boy that lived there. I desperately wanted to tell someone about all this but I didn't know how.

And I was just a little bit scared of being judged. I had always been used to being liked. Having people judge me based on who I was attracted to wasn't anything I was used to. I didn't know what to do.

"I know," I breathed and sat down for a minute. I hated feeling restless and I also hated the butterflies that were constantly in my stomach these days.

They weren't good butterflies either. I mean this was _it. _Graduation was merely a few days away. Sure, I had three months but I didn't know what was going to happen. Life was going to get serious, too fast and too soon.

_You need to tell him._

I couldn't. He was going to hate me for it. Besides I wasn't the one that was supposed to tell him. What was I supposed to do? Was there anything I could do?

He would hate me if he found out.

_About which part? _

Not only did he not know that he was going to be moving in three months, but he also didn't know that my mom was the one to kill his dad. And I didn't tell him any of that.

Great. I'll guess I would just have to deal with things as I had always done. Forget about them and see what happens.

A horn sounded and broke me out of my musings. The butterflies were back full force and this time they were of the good kind. _He _was out there.

"Bye mom," I couldn't help but smile.

"Have fun," she called as I ran out of the door.

I was still smiling as I got in the car. He was there, green eyes as shocking as always and sexy as hell. He smirked as he looked me over and I could see those his eyes darken.

Maybe I was turning into a masochist. Either way, I was beginning to love the torture.

It was just like old times. The four of us were going out to eat. I guess I had come a long way since I used to hate this. Then again, I was practically a different person. Funny how things change, huh? I smirked to myself as I slid into a booth with Edward following behind me.

I could hardly eat or pay attention to anything around me. I was too focused on how close _he_ was next to me. I loved it but it was fucking torture. The hairs on my arm were practically standing on end from his closeness. And somehow every time he moved he managed to brush against me in some way. I was already straining against my jeans and three seconds away from begging him to touch me there at the damn table.

I was pretty sure he knew it too. I felt him jostle around next to me putting his phone into his pocket. I shifted my eyes to him. I was ready to either jump him at the table or kick him for being such a tease. He smirked and I looked away quickly.

I tried to pay attention to what Charlie and Renee were saying. The words just went in one ear and out the other. It was like a foreign language to me. I was still trying to focus when he touched me.

It was out of nowhere and I jumped in my seat at the contact. His fingers were brushing against the bulge in my pants beneath the table. It felt so good I had to clench my teeth from moaning.

What the fuck was this boy doing to me? Here I was on the edge of cumming and he was barely touching me. It was unbelievable and too damn good.

"So when is your graduation?" Edward asked with a smirk. This was truly evil and I was most definitely going to get him back later.

"Umm…Wednesday," I said. Renee and Charlie were now paying attention to me thanks to Edward. It was hard to force the words out with Edward's hands moving against me. I wanted to thrust my hips up into his hand and put myself out of my misery.

No such luck for that.

"Are you excited?" Renee smiled at me from across the table.

"Yeah," I managed to get out. I wanted to reach down and move Edward's hand away but it would look too obvious.

_And you're enjoying it just a little bit. _

"You're finally grown up," my dad smiled proudly. I didn't like the mention of me being a kid, but hey, at least he was trying.

"Yeah, bet you're happy about that," I teased. He actually laughed. I couldn't help smiling despite the ongoing torture.

"I'm so happy for the both of you boys," Renee gushed. She was on the verge of tears. I guess it was a mom thing that I wouldn't ever understand. "I have some news though," she looked at Charlie with a small smile. Luckily Edward had stopped his teasing and I was able to catch the look on my dad's face. He looked…scared.

That could only mean one thing.

I panicked. I tried not to look at any of the three of them. I didn't want this to happen. Not now, not when things were finally coming together. I could NOT have another thing fall apart in my life so soon.

But I guess no one really has control of when things happen do they? Fuck.

"What news?" Edward asked. I closed my eyes for a moment, praying that what I thought was about to happen wasn't really happening. Too late for that.

"Charlie and I have already discussed this…and well, we think that it would be good for us to have a change in scenery," she said.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. I could feel him tense up.

"We're moving at the end of the summer. We already found the perfect house in Phoenix," she smiled brightly like it was the greatest thing in the world that they were leaving.

Edward didn't say a word and I couldn't help but glance over at him. I watched as he got up and walked away without even a glance at my dad or Renee. He just left. And sadly, I knew how it felt to walk away. Hell, I had been there just months before.

"Should I go after him?" Renee asked. Without even looking at her I could tell that she had tears in her eyes. I guess he didn't take the "great" news so well did he?

"No. It's best to let him be," my dad said as he looked at me while he rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. I wanted to go after him but I knew he needed his space.

After Renee settled down a bit we left the restaurant awkwardly. Not a word was spoken on the way home. The tension was almost touchable. I wanted nothing more than to get out of the car as soon as possible. No, what I really wanted was to help Edward, to show that I was here for him- just like he was there for me through all of my shit.

Luckily the drive was short and I was relieved to get out of the car. Renee wasn't saying anything although my dad was trying to reassure her. I knew Edward wasn't going to be there as soon as I walked into the house. Would he come back tonight? Where was he?

I threw my stuff onto the bed in Edward's room. I could hear Renee and Charlie beginning to argue in the other room.

"Are you sure that this is the best thing?" my dad was asking her.

"How dare you ask me that!" I could just imagine the furious look on her face. "After all we have been through we deserve a change. He deserves to be happy."

"What makes you think that he isn't happy here?" my dad countered. His voice was getting rough and I knew that he was beginning to get angry too.

"Happy? You think he's happy?" she screeched.

I hurriedly made my way out of Edward's room and onto the front porch. I didn't want to hear this. It hurt to even hear, let alone see. It was easy to picture how my mom and dad split. Just thinking about it made my stomach clench.

I sighed and tried not to think about. Things would be alright.

_Keep telling yourself that. _

I didn't know how long I sat there. I just kept hearing the same things over and over again- Renee and my dad's fight, Alice's warning. My head was swimming and I wanted to just block everything out. It was one of those times when I just wanted to say fuck the world and do whatever I wanted.

No such luck.

So I sat there, avoiding everything. It was the least I could do. Too bad everything couldn't avoid me. My dad came out and sat on the steps with me.

"What's up, kid?" my dad asked with a sigh. I just shrugged my shoulders. "So, you didn't tell him?" he asked. I went from annoyed to pissed in less than a second.

"You told me not to. It's not my place." He sighed again.

"I didn't think you would listen to me," he admitted.

"And why's that?" I asked. I was angry and I knew that it would only take one little thing to set me off.

"You care about him. I didn't think that you could just not say anything…" he trailed off. There was that spark.

"I do fucking care about him! Why do you think I didn't say anything to him? I don't want to hurt him like you and Renee. But guess what? It's too late for not hurting him because I already did that. I just get to sit by and watch while I can do nothing about it," I vented.

"Jasper, I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Whatever," I mumbled. I was hurt, and shocked that I had even said anything in the first place. I wasn't the one who spewed my feelings like a chick having an emotional breakdown. Plus, I just openly admitted to caring about him although it should have been obvious anyway.

I sat there without saying another word to him. He could sit there all fucking night and I wasn't going to say another damn word to him. It wasn't worth it, not when he never understood.

We were still sitting there in an angry silence when _he _walked up. It was almost dark and I would not even have noticed it was him had I not been looking for him.

"Hey," he mumbled as he reached us. His face was mostly expressionless, except for those eyes of his. In his eyes you could see everything.

"You doing alright kid?" my dad asked. I could see the concern etched on his face. Edward just shrugged his shoulders and walked into the house with a sigh. A moment later we could hear them talking. A minute later and it turned into yelling.

"Why do you have to make all the choices for me?" I heard Edward yell.

"I should go in there," my dad muttered.

"I just want you to be happy," Renee said fiercely.

"I am happy," Edward practically growled.

"You haven't been happy since your dad died," Renee countered.

"Sweetie, maybe we should just think about all of this," I heard my dad say. If he knew what was good for him he would just say out of it.

"So your solution is to just leave then?" Edward said to her as if my dad hadn't even said a word.

"It would be good for all of us," Renee sighed.

"No it wouldn't. It would be good for _you_. I don't want to leave because leaving means leaving him behind! You're forcing me to leave the only place I have ever known. How the fuck is that supposed to make me happy?"

Dead silence. I had never heard him say anything like that before, to anyone. And what made it worse was it took a lot for Edward to fall apart, to explode and not hold anything back.

"Don't talk to me like that," Renee's voice broke.

"Don't make me leave," he replied.

There was a moment of silence and then there was the recognizable sound of a door slamming. I didn't move; there was nothing I could do to help anyway so I might as well just stay out of it.

"C'mon, I think you need to calm down for a bit, sweetie," my dad was saying as they walked out of the door.

"Okay," I heard her sniffle. I watched as my dad helped her into the car. I could tell that he really cared for her and that this whole thing was eating him up as well.

"Jasper," he called.

"Yeah, dad?"

"We'll be back later, alright? I'll give you a call if anything comes up." I nodded. He jumped into the car and soon they were gone.

Well fuck. What was I supposed to do now? I would have to go in eventually. But what about Edward?

I had to help him some way, or at least try. I sighed and walked into the house. I took my time closing and locking the door behind me. I knew why I was stalling, I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

_When are you going to admit you're scared of being pushed away? It's what you always did wasn't it? What goes around comes around._

I made my way quietly to Edward's room. I didn't know what to expect and I had nerves tumbling around in my stomach. I knocked once. No answer.

Twice. No answer.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly. It was now or never. I opened the door.

He was sitting there on the floor. He took one glance at me and it was enough to see that he had tears in his eyes.  
"Edward?" I asked again. I moved over to where he was sitting and took a seat right next him. "Please say something, anything." He didn't move and I began to worry. "Did you want me to leave?" I asked softly. When he still didn't say anything I began to get up.

"Please, stay," his voice was so quiet that I barely even heard him.

"Okay," I sighed and settled myself back next to him. I watched him wipe his face out of the corner of my eye. I knew that he didn't want me to see him cry. Hell, no one ever wanted that.

I sat there and waited. I knew that he would only talk when he was ready to. This wasn't something that you could just force out of a person. I would know.

"I don't want to leave," he said quietly. I waited to see if he would say anymore. "My dad lived here his entire life. This is where I grew up. I can't leave the only city that I have ever known. And this the only part of my dad that I can keep…" he trailed off.

He laughed humorlessly. "And my mom is right, you know." Wait, what? Did this mean that he was just going to go along with it and leave? I looked down so that way he couldn't tell what I was thinking.

"Right about what?" I had to ask-had to torture myself even more.

"That I haven't really been happy since my dad died. I'm constantly surrounded by the places and things that make me miss him the most.

"I'm sorry—" he cut me off.

"I'm not done," he said with this intense look in his eye. "She was right for a while, but not anymore. Don't you see, Jasper? You make so happy; you make me forget. I don't want to stay just because of my dad. I want to stay because of you- because I need you," his voice broke.

I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I wasn't going to sit there while he said all those things and not doing anything. It was impossible.

I moved so that way I was kneeling in front of him. He had his face turned away and I knew damn well that he had tears in his eyes.

"Edward," I said his name. Something rolled around in my stomach and I didn't know if it was butterflies or something else entirely. I reached out and held his jaw in my hand. "Please look at me." I could feel how reluctant he was but he did it anyway. I was right too; there were those unshed tears in those pretty green eyes of his. "I need you, too," I told him. It was the truth anyway. He'd gotten me through more shit than anyone in the last few months. "I'm not going to leave you, ever. Even if your mom takes you away I will always be here. I'm not going anywhere, Edward."

A tear rolled down his cheek and he closed his eyes. I moved my thumb to brush it away and he opened his eyes again. I couldn't read him; I didn't know what the hell he was thinking. Then he grabbed me by my collar and pulled me over him. I didn't even have a second to think before his lips were on mine and he was kissing me.

At first the kiss was urgent and I could feel how needy he was. Then, somehow the kiss turned into something more gentle…and full of longing. I kissed him softly as I pressed my lips against his. I would never get tired of how he tasted or it felt when he touched me. I would never want to stop my fingers from running through his hair.

"I'm never gonna let you go," I breathed as I pulled away. I felt his hands tighten on the holds he had on my shirt. I kissed the underside of his jaw and up to his ear. "I'm not going to let you leave," as I pulled away.

"How?" he asked. He kissed me softly before pulling away.

"I don't fucking know," I groaned. "We need to make her change her mind. We need to make her want to stay." Edward began getting up next to me and I stared at him. What was he doing? What did I say? I watched as he walked over to the door and locked it. The next thing I know he was standing over me with his hand held out.

"C'mon, Jasper. Grab my hand," he said. There was a smirk on his face and damn he looked so fucking sexy. I reached up my hand and he yanked me to him. "We have time to worry about it later, right?" I nodded and my breathing hitched as he nipped at my Adam's apple. "Good, because there is a more pressing issue right now," he said as he pressed his hips against mine.

"Oh fuck," I groaned as I could feel how hard he was in his pants.

"This is what you do to me, Jasper." As soon as the words were out of his mouth my self-restraint snapped. My mouth was pressed against his in an instant. I licked his lips practically begging for entrance. He opened his mouth to me and I swirled my tongue against his. His taste was overwhelming and I couldn't get enough.

He started pressing against me and he walked backwards. Soon, the bed was against the back of my legs and he was on top of me. Another moan escaped out of me. I crawled backwards to the center of the bed all the while continuing to kiss him.

I was so fucking hard and the way he was moving on top of me was driving me crazy. My hands traveled down his back and fisted the end of his t-shirt tugging him closer to me. He pulled away from my mouth, breathing heavily.

"Can I touch you again, Jasper? Please?" he stared at me with those lustful eyes. How in the hell was I supposed to say no.

"Yes," I growled. My hands slid under his t-shirt feeling his smooth skin. I felt Edward's fingers skim mine as he pulled his shirt up. "I've wanted you so bad." The comment just flew out of my mouth. The more he touched me the more the filter in my head disappeared. Hell, he could ask me anything and I would probably tell him anything.

That's what he did to me. And I didn't hate it. No, I fucking loved it.

My fingers trailed their way up his chest. My mouth found its own path up his neck. I paused along to way to nip at the sweet skin of his. His hips bucked into me and he groaned.

_Hmm. Guess he liked that._

I couldn't help smirking. It was hard to keep a straight face knowing that I was doing this to him.

_He's driving you nuts, too. So, don't get too cocky motherfucker. _

I wrapped my arms around him to bring him down, to bring him closer to me. But he pulled back.

"What? What's wrong?" I asked breathlessly.

"This," he said. "this, is what's wrong." He grabbed a fistful of my shirt and yanked it up. "I want it off." Those green eyes were blazing. I tore off my shirt in a rush and pulled him down on top of me. My hips bucked into his relentlessly. A constant stream of moans were pouring out of my mouth. It was so good- so fucking good.

My fingers found his belt and I was just about to undo it. The sound of jingling could be heard but I wasn't opening his jeans. He was paused above me.

I looked at him as we both stayed there, frozen. I tried to listen over the sound of our heavy breathing.

Jingling again and then the sound of a door closing.

_Shit._

Edward jumped off me so fast that he stumbled off the bed and rolled. I was horny as hell but that shit was still hilarious. I was laughing so hard I could barely get my shirt back on. I glanced over at Edward. His face was beet red and he had a pretty mark on the side of his neck because of me. I laughed harder. He glanced over at me and made an attempt to scowl.

"C'mon, it's funny," I said once I stopped laughing enough so I could talk. I watched as he smiled. He was still wearing that blush which did absolutely nothing to help the situation in my pants.

I watched as he walked over to the door and unlocked it. I moved off of Edward's bed and tried to fix my hair which I knew must have looked like a mess. I sat down on the futon on the other side of the room.

I tried not watch Edward as he busied himself around his room. Complete fail on my part. How was I supposed to look away when he looked so fucking good? He was still hard and I wanted to nothing more than unzip his jeans and touch him.

My dad and Renee were such cockblockers.

I groaned and closed my eyes against the bed. I was so focused on calming myself down that I didn't hear him walk over to me.

"I know what you're thinking," he whispered in my ear. I jumped a bit but didn't open my eyes. "Later," he said and kissed my neck before I heard him walk away. Ugh. He knew what he was doing to me, that little tease.

_Payback's a bitch, huh? _

I listened as the door opened and closed. He was probably going to apologize to his mom and hopefully get things sorted out.

_You know it won't be that easy. _

Well, I could always hope. But he had to learn these things, too. I guess I really had come a long way in a few months. It was kind of scary but I knew that it had to happen sometime. We all had to grow up.

No, fuck that. I was still going to have fun. I just had to do it more…rationally. If that was possible.

I put down the futon and put on some gym shorts. I didn't know how long it was going to be so I might as well make myself more comfortable. Although, it's pretty hard to get comfortable when you have a monster in your pants.

And it's even more uncomfortable when your dad comes into the room while you're lying a bed with a monster in your pants.

"Hey," he said as he sat on the foot of the bed. I sat up, trying to cover my groin the best I could without looking obvious.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Can I ask you something?" he hesitated.

"Yeah…" What was this about? Did he guess about the things that were happening between me and Edward?

"If I were to ask you to come with us at the end of the summer what would you say?" I didn't know what came over me. I went from relieved to angry to confused in less than three seconds. If that didn't give you a headache I don't know what would.

"I can't leave mom," I said truthfully. "But I really want you guys to stay."

"I know," he sighed.

"Can't you talk to Renee about it? Convince her?"

"I don't know." That brief shot of hope was ruined.

"Edward doesn't want to leave, you don't want to leave…what's her deal?" I asked.

"She's scared," he admitted. "of people finding out. She thinks it looks bad considering everyone in the situation. She doesn't want anyone to find out…least of all Edward. She wants what's best for him and so do I."

"What's best for him isn't leaving," I spat out between clenched teeth.

"Maybe. But there might not be any room to change her mind. She wants to start over…a new page." I sighed. "I'll try, Jasper. I promise." He looked at me. I never realized how tired he looked.

"Okay," I muttered. It wasn't like I could ask him for more. He patted my knee before getting up and leaving.

Well…maybe there's a little hope left.

I was asleep, or maybe deep in thought, when I felt Edward shake my shoulder.

"You still awake?" he whispered.

"Yeah," my voice was gravelly.

"Oh, okay," I heard him shuffle over to his bed on the other side of the room. I wanted him to come back over. I mean, I didn't really want to fool around although I wouldn't put up much of a fight if he wanted to. What I really wanted was to just hold him like I did in the tent a few weeks back.

_And maybe you'll grow some balls and actually put your arms around him?_

Maybe. But now he was getting into his own bed. Why the fuck didn't I say anything when he was standing right there? Why couldn't I just get this right for once?

_You know what to do._

_\ _I did. It was just the matter of doing it.

_Are you going to wait for him to fall asleep and miss your chance? Now._

I threw off the blanket that was thrown over me. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair. Before I walked over to Edward's bed I went to the door and locked it.

My heart was pounding a mile a minute as I walked to his bed. Questions kept turning in my mind. Like…What the hell am I doing? Should I just go back to my own bed? Since when was I starting to act like a chick?

This didn't used to be me. I guess it was me now.

I couldn't stop that pull that lured me over to him. I hated it but I fucking loved it, too. I guess it isn't worth it if it doesn't screw with your head.

_Stop analyzing the state of your gayness and get your ass over there. _

Well, okay.

I reached his bed and waited for a moment.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly. Part of me prayed that he was asleep.

"Yeah?" he asked. I reached down and felt for where he was lying.

"Can I…" I stopped for a moment, nervous. "Can I come in?" I asked. It was silent for a moment and I began to panic.

"Sure," I couldn't tell what he was thinking by the sound of his voice. I heard him slide over and lift the blanket for me.

I slid into the warm bed. For a few seconds it was extremely awkward. Then Edward turned around and I could feel his hand reaching for me. His fingers found my face and pulled me to him for a kiss.

"We don't have to fool around. I just wanted to…" I trailed off as I felt my face get hot. I really was turning into a chick.

"Cuddle?" Edward chuckled a bit. "And to think I was the only one who liked cuddling?" he teased. I laughed.

I felt Edward move closer until I could feel him pressed up against me and his head on my chest. I couldn't tell you how I felt at that moment. I could only picture those cliché Disney movies with those cheesy love songs playing in the background. Either way, it was fucking awesome.

"So how did everything go?" I asked.

"Ugh. I'll explain in the morning," he sighed.

"Okay," I told him. It was best to just leave it for one night anyway. I turned and he did the same. His back was pressed up against my front again. Only this time I was going to do it right.

I slid my arm underneath his and pulled him closer to me. He threaded his fingers and sighed before resting against me.

The rocks moved in my stomach again…and this time, well, I fucking loved that, too.

* * *

**SATURDAY**

Waking up with Edward...was indescribable. Legs were tangled and arms were thrown about. Somehow he ended up spooning me and his head was nestled into the back of my neck. He was the one who woke up before me seeing as he was the one kissing me and running his hands down my back.

So fucking good. I was harder than a rock but luckily I wasn't tenting the blanket.

"You awake yet?" he murmured in my ear before kissing behind it.

"Fuck yes," I groaned and flipped so that way I was facing him. I leaned in for a kiss but he turned his head. "Why not?" I asked. I needed to kiss him so badly.

"Morning breath," he smirked from behind his hand.

"I don't care," I countered. I pulled his hand away from his mouth and replaced it with my lips. I gave him a few chaste kisses before pulling away. "Good morning," I smiled.

"Morning," he smirked back. "and to you too," he said glancing down at the bulge in my pants. I had no time for being embarrassed. "Want me to take care of that for you?" he said looking back at me.

Fuck. Was he serious? Please tell me he's serious.

"Umm…" I didn't know what to say.

"I'll take that as a yes. I barely had time to process that before he was pulling down my shorts and I was in his hand. I hissed at the feeling of finally being touched. All that torture and no release had practically killed me that day before. At least now it was paying off. Maybe payback wasn't such a bitch after all.

"Oh god, Edward," I moaned as he stroked me. He moved so that way he was kneeling above me. I tilted my face to kiss him and my tongue found his greedily.

"Does that feel good?" he asked with a smirk. All I could do was moan. Any word that came out of my mouth wouldn't be intelligible. I reached for him and rubbed him through his pajama pants. He was hard and straining to get out. Another moan came out as his hips bucked into my hand.

"Don't stop," I panted. I was close. So close. I didn't care that I was cumming so fast…I just needed to come.

"Cum for me, Jasper," Edward said as he stroked me faster. "I wanna make you feel so good." I bit my fingers to keep from moaning even louder. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward," I groaned. My hips continued to thrust into his hand as I came.

"Oh fuck yes," I heard Edward murmur. Hearing him cuss almost made me hard again. I was breathing heavy as I closed my eyes and leaned back against the pillows. "Damn, that was fast," he smirked.

"Shut up you cocky fucker," I laughed.

"Make me," he smirked even harder. Hmm. No problem there.

I reached down and slid my hand into his pajama pants. My fingers wrapped around his cock and tugged. "Ohh," he moaned.

"I guess that shut you up," I smirked. Those green eyes stared at me hungrily before he kissed me again. His hips thrust against me and his head was thrown back as he panted. I felt my cock stir just watching him.

"Feels so good," he moaned.

"Breakfast time kiddos," my dad called. Edward's thrusts began getting weaker and weaker.

"Sorry," I couldn't help smirking a little.

"No, you're not," he grumbled but kissed me anyway.

"You know I am," I said as he got off me and I slid out of his bed. "C'mere." I reached out and pulled him into a hug. "I'll take care of you later," I rubbed him again.

"Nope. I'll take care of it in the shower," he smirked. "Only thinking of you baby," he said as he swaggered out of the bedroom and around the corner.

Well, damn.

Things were still tense. Nobody would really say anything or even look at one another. It was weird that for once it wasn't because of me, or something I did or said. No, this time it was much more serious. Which made it even worse.

I finished my breakfast as soon as possible. I avoided any eye contact with anyone so as not to start anything. The last thing we needed was another repeat of the day before. Maybe if we all just let it go for now things would be alright. Not.

What we needed was a plan.

Edward and I ended back up in his bedroom after our silent breakfast.

"Okay, so what happened last night?" I asked.

He sighed before answering. "Nothing. We apologized but she still won't budge about moving."

"We need to do something."

"Like what? Tie her to a bedpost and knock some sense into her?" he laughed humorlessly.

"No. We need to convince her that you're happy. That staying here is the best choice." I paced the floor thinking. "What would make her stay?" I wondered out loud.

"Well, if Charlie wanted to stay that would help too."

"He does want to stay."

"He hasn't said anything to her…" What the hell is wrong with him? He said he would try his best to convince her! Didn't that mean putting in his two cents? Ugh.

"Okay…so we need something to tie her here. Something that would make her unbelievably happy…"Edward thought out loud.

"This fucking sucks," I muttered. I sat down on the bed and ran my hands through my hair. What was I going to do? Was there really anything to do?

"I have an idea!" Edward burst out. The look on his face..was so hopeful that it was almost hard to look at.

"Really?" I asked. He was next to me in two seconds. He kissed me again and again until I was dizzy. I could barely even remember my own name. "Wait," I breathed. "What is your idea?"

"I know this will work," he beamed.

"And it is….." I trailed off.

"Alice."

* * *

**I know, I know...I dont write for more than 8 months and then I leave it at a cliffhanger...I'M SORRY! It was a good ending point...and I figured that I should get this out as soon as possible for you all. I hope you enjoyed it... Please let me know what you think! **

**PeaceLoveMe**


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